Saturday, September 20, 2014

Ch ch ch changes.

 Ah transition...what a fun time...what a pain in the ass. I love knowing that something is unfolding that has my best interests at heart. I love knowing that it will be wild and fabulous even if I haven't a clue as to what the form of it will be. The annoying part is not falling into my old patterns of movement for the sake of movement. Change is a process not an event.

You know unfolding is not a particularly action oriented state. Its more akin to being, trusting and allowing, like the petals of flower opening to the warmth of the sun. We don't pry the bud open to aid it's growth. We patiently trust and offer the nurturing necessary to aid it's flourishing. 

So I feel like that bud right now. At times its tight and I have to resist the urge to break free by doing something radical. Shaking things up has always worked in the past to bring me to my next reinvention of myself.

I have a dream about London and contemplate geographical cures. My friend is moving there soon. What if I move too and we open a practice together? I actually am entitled to a European passport so the thought is not completely absurd. I imagine living in the rain and gloom...bad. I picture the new glossy rain boots and slicker I get from Harrods or perhaps some great vintage stall at Camden Market...good. I like British accents, I would be close to holidaying in cool countries, heck jaunts to France could be weekend possibilities and everything would be brand new.

But it doesn't stick. I recall the pleasure of walking barefoot in the sand, coffee in hand, first thing in the morning in Hawaii. I begin to plot a journey of shamanic proportions and picking fresh fruit for  breakfast. I ignore the idea of tropical storms and tsunamis. And so it goes. 

Transition this time around means things are changing and I am not the only one in charge. I invite a wisdom to guide me that is beyond my will centered functioning. All I can do is notice the synchronicity of the universe and what it is saying to me and keep letting go. More and more things that I couldn't imagine living without are seeming to drift away. People too. And it's ok. I entertain my own mortality and that feels ok too. 

I wonder about regrets. I remember the certainty I held for many years that we were changing the world. I really really did believe that as we helped individuals we had an impact, a ripple effect. I loved that feeling of idealism. I feel it's loss. Then I went through a phase thinking I had to focus on myself and change myself. And now I know that there is no separation between the two. When the change comes from the depths of me, it does change the world. The two are linked. 

And so I wait for that spark of desire and passion to ignite inside me. I send out a call that I am ready for whatever the future holds. I am cultivating. Its a little bit like marinating and while I don't expect an airplane to soar through the clouds dragging a banner of sky writing validation when I am on the right track, I do look for signs.

Bring it...with love and compassion. I invite you into my heart and into my life. I am so ready for commitment. Of course first I have to know exactly what I am meant to commit to. And I don't...yet. What I do know in every fiber of my being is, it 's an inside job.

Branded by patience.

Authentically Yours,

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