Sunday, May 29, 2011

Opening Presence

It’s my birthday on Wednesday.  I’m not overly excited about the number of earthbound years that I will be celebrating but I am amazed by the synchronicities that are lining up for June 1st.  It’s a new moon, there is an eclipse in the morning, (good omens apparently) and I am opening my new store – Presence. Very exciting indeed.  And scary.  In fact, last night I dreamed that I was walking very near the edge of a cliff, and I became paralyzed with fear and laid down on the ground so I wouldn’t trip and go plummeting to the depths.  I called out for help and my teacher magically appeared and whispered in my ear “just be centred and grounded and you will be okay”.  She had to repeat it several times before her message made its way through the layers of my terror. Now that I’m awake, my fear is far outweighed by my anticipation for this new adventure. 

What I am really beginning to see in this lifetime, is that when one is centred and grounded, and connected more directly with Self and Source than with anything else, then the synchronicities (that are always abounding) become easy to see and experience. Take my favourite door in the world, for example … there is a store on Granville Island called DragonSpace ( and for many years I have been captivated by its entrance.  It is a wooden door with a gorgeous trompe l’oeil that I have always wanted to have either in my dream home or my place of work.  I called them and asked who the artist was.  When they told me her name, I realized that I had known her for a long time but didn’t realize she painted.  I knew her as a potter and had actually carried her work. ( I hadn’t seen her for quite some time and lo and behold, before I could pick up the phone and call her, she walked into Starfire to say hello.  It was so magical… and yes.  She is going to paint a door for me!  I can’t wait!  Many more incidents such as this have happened and I use them as signposts that beckon… Yes! … take this road!  I am happy to report that Marty is right alongside me as I plan and design my new store.  And she is very patient with me as I sit with different ideas until the best ones reveal themselves.  It is an interesting process and I continue to find out more and more about myself as (my) Presence unfolds.

And now for something completely different …

This is for the two of you who sat with me last Monday night in gales of laughter as we talked about “rusty pickers”… Two of my friends and I were commiserating about our inability to choose the right men.  And while I believe that there are good reasons why we pick who we pick (or why we say yes to the men who pick us), sometimes those reasons aren’t readily apparent.  Take The Robert for example.  Yes, he is still very much in my life – sort of.  He has decided that for him to be able to remain connected with me as a lifelong friend, he needs to take a time out.  He has asked me not to call or email.  The interesting thing is, he is emailing me and continues to tell me about what is going on at his end.  Part of me wants to email back anyway because as I told him many times “You’re not the boss of me”, and part of me is quite content with the fact that at least he is trying to stay connected in some form.  I’m going to abide by his wishes for the time being but it is really difficult.  I miss being able to talk to him about what’s going on.  Just in case you are reading this TR, I’m really happy about your new Les Paul guitar! What I am most intrigued by is that I am still intrigued.  I’m sure there will be more instalments in the The Robert Saga.

And finally, I think in the midst of opening Presence, I might just start up a new band, McPhoebe and The Rusty Pickers!

Love Buns.  I'm outie.  For now.  I’m off to have a great day!

P.S. Once you make a decision, the universe conspires to make it happen. Ralph Waldo Emerson

Sunday, May 22, 2011


"Love waits on welcome, not on time, and the real world is but your welcome of what always was.” ACIM

Well it’s me again. Buns has been captured by sea creatures and is busily plumbing their depths.  No really…she is swamped so I am posting two in a row.

What to share is the question…a new exploration with a musician from Alabama (yes, still taking long distance to the extreme), a new realization of what makes me tick around mutuality and relationship or ideas floating around for the next Blind Date Dinner Party?

 Maybe I will start with where I am in the moment. My laptop is exactly where it belongs… on my lap.
 I am looking at a stunning vista of crisp green foliage bordering the waters and mountains of the Lakehouse, where I am a constant and happy to say, welcome visitor.
 It’s beautiful here and the company couldn’t be better.
 At the Lakehouse we play cards, board games, cook communal meals and most importantly sing. My friend plays guitar and there is constant harmony and enthusiasm whenever he strikes a chord that is recognized.
 The other game I love playing here is the creation of a list of top 5 places to live in the world. The only caveat is that everyone has to agree that they would live there.
 Big dreams…big lives.
At the moment another game is in full swing. Euchre, an Ontario card game synonymous with cottage life is being raucously played tournament style.
 I can steal a few moments to connect here.
 I must say that this feeling of family resonates with such intensity for me. at the cottage. Finding people who are of the same tribe to share and hang with….it doesn’t get any better.  I feel grateful and happy.
Cava, has just been popped, Segura Viudas a sparkling white from Spain inviting celebration of nothing in particular…or perhaps it’s because it’s cocktail hour and the aroma of roasting beef au jus is teasing the air. Regardless I can’t think of many things more merry than that sound of joyful explosion followed by laughter.

And then there is the lake. You step outside and are wrapped in the scent of fresh pine…new growth and promise mixed with the cedar scent of logs burning in the fireplace.
Do you get that I love it here? Here, I get to mull, to clear my mind and fill my heart.

So about the new man I am curious about…let’s call him Alabama. He is a bass player who seems quite awake, grounded and mellow. And while one can’t be sure of anything at this early stage, my sense of him is he is not in the least intimidated by my fierce determination to be real. That’s good!

 And I stay committed to my value of living present time and noticing what is, not what I want there to be. I continue to express me, regardless of reception.
I suppose that kind of brings me to talk about mutuality in relationship.
 I am so clear these days that I have no desire to shape shift or be anything other than what I am.  If I am understood, wonderful…and if not…I am trusting that too.  I am open and content to be living so fully alive, exploring the present as contact occurs. I can’t even imagine how hard I used to work at creating connection, how many excuses I would make for bad behavior that I couldn’t understand or all the striving to creatively invite depth.
 Now I just go deep inside myself,express what I find and either he can meet me or he cannot. C’est ca.

“But why do they all seem to live so far away…I mean really…”says one part of me.
“Because love knows no boundaries, no time, or space or distance. “answers another part. “He could be anywhere on the face of this earth, I can’t let that stop me”

 I am the eternal optimist, a romantic who trusts that the next adventure may be the beginning of a co-creation worth committing to…or not. I refuse to let it define who I am.
 In the meantime, as I said on Valentine’s Day, love is a verb not a noun.
Something I can give in every moment.

And in this moment…oh my God…the cake that was in the oven for this evenings dessert is out.
Caramelized brown sugar that will no doubt result in a chorus from our Stone’s repertoire.  How sweet it is!

Authentically Yours

Friday, May 6, 2011

Ode To Ships At Sea And In Safe Harbor

 “Every day is a journey, and the journey itself is home.” --Basho

I want to dedicate this post to you Buns and to you, The Robert. While my heart sank when I heard you two were parting ways in one form, I hold fast to the thought that your relationship can continue in another. I sense there is yet more to come and while we often see ourselves as the conductors in our live, we are not the only force at work.   Fate….divinity…the co-creative force of the universe…we are not the only ones with influence over outcome.

Who knows if this is good or this is bad?

 That Zen perspective rests in a kind of curiosity that actively invites ALL possibility. Being authentic, standing for one’s values you then let go of judgment of whether something is good or bad and simply stay in the present moment of what is. Without evaluation you can feel it all AND stay open to whatever arises both inside yourself and outside yourself.

There is a Taoist story of an old farmer who had worked his crops for many years. One day his horse ran away. Upon hearing the news, his neighbors came to visit. "Such bad luck," they said sympathetically. "Who knows if this is good, or this is bad," the farmer replied.
 The next morning the horse returned, bringing with it three other wild horses. "How wonderful," the neighbors exclaimed. "Who knows if this is good or this is bad," replied the old man.
The following day, his son tried to ride one of the untamed horses, was thrown, and broke his leg. The neighbors again came to offer their sympathy on his misfortune. "Who knows if this is good or this is bad," answered the farmer.
The day after, military officials came to the village to draft young men into the army. Seeing that the son's leg was broken, they passed him by. The neighbors congratulated the farmer on how well things had turned out. “Who knows if this is good or this is bad,” said the farmer.

So while I hear at this moment in time, safe harbor and a ship relishing sailing unchartered waters may not be on the same page or rather the same sea,  I also know that two spirits once they connect can never really forget the depth, the loveliness of that authentic connection. I have no doubt that what you both shared is real and continues to be. And even pirates on wild adventures had to rest in harbor at some time or another to replenish and re-stock. And ships in safe harbors stop being ships if they never ever lift their sails.
Who knows if this is good or this is bad?  Who knows?
What I do know is…I LOVE YOU BOTH!

And on that note I bow to you Buns and Robert, palms together in the center of my forehead, opening to the part of me that can see inside and truly honor you. I accept who you are and who I am and that we are all part of the same universe.

I honor the place in you in which the entire universe dwells,
I honor the place in you which is of Love, of Integrity, of Wisdom and of Peace.
When you are in that place in you, and I am in that place in me, we are One.

Authentically Yours,