The Discipline Of Pleasure

Really? Discipline? Doesn’t just the use of that word bring up connotations of will power and self control, none of which is even remotely pleasurable. Well I have been unraveling with this idea for a few days now and I’d love to share what I mean.

Receptors are message receivers on the surface of our cells and while most of our pleasure receptors are located in the brain they are also found throughout the body. I have even heard the molecules that bind to these receptors nicknamed the Bliss Molecule. This got me thinking. What if the art of opening to pleasure became a discipline, a way of life? I am not talking about abandoning oneself to hedonistic impulse or lack of discernment or compulsively filling ourselves up due to a sense of lack. I mean the conscious invitation to open to whatever arises in the present moment without judgment. My premise is that it is in the opening itself, in the acceptance of what is, that pleasure is the result.

When you think about something pleasurable, waking up to the sound of surf in the tropics, or the smell of crisp freshly laundered sheets, perhaps the feel of sun on your skin, bites of juicy fragrant mango, music so sweet that it makes your heart ache, the touch of a lovers lips or the first melting mouthful of the dark velvety bliss of chocolate…these are all chances for our senses to open wide in gratitude for the pleasure of the moment. Even simply imagining all of life’s bounty shifts ones mood and invites an experience of pleasure. So if pleasure is a choice based on perception perhaps one could get disciplined about it and include the pleasure of feeling everything, experiencing everything.

On the path of cultivating the bliss molecule I book a massage at Chi The Spa at Shangri-La.

http://www.shangri-la.com/vancouver/shangrila/health-leisure/chi-the-spa/

Divinely decadent, expensive but totally worth the experience, especially since I was rewiring my cellular structure to create more receptors for pleasure :)  Now this won’t work if you are worried about the cost or racing to find time for the experience or judging whether you deserve it or whether it’s good or bad.  The discipline of pleasure calls for deep breaths and presence…no regrets: a full on, six sense journey into the present moment.

The names of the treatment rooms are all in Sanskrit and I was in Baskul which appropriately means ‘Starting point of journey to Shangri-La. I basked in the Feng Shui attention to detail. Each suite is different, from Jampa, Loving Kindness and Compassion to Namshe which means Consciousness, they all have a fireplace, soothing color tones, sitting areas for tea ceremonies, your own dressing room, steam shower and soaker tub.

Plush doesn’t even begin to describe the texture of the baby soft robes and blankets. You are immediately relaxed and cuddled in the embrace of a fluffy white cocoon. Fresh lemon water awaits and you can ask for your room 15 minutes before the massage in order to enjoy a steam or soak in the tub. My registered therapist Mai was lovely and her healing energy was skilled, sublime and appreciated.

 Afterwards I floated into the lounge and was met with a cup of fresh ginger tea, dates, apricots and cranberries.  My Chi was flowing and I moved with languid ease, step one on my path of being disciplined with pleasure was complete.

You may say, well it’s easy to feel pleasure when the circumstances are so pleasurable. Yes it’s true; however my goal here is to include all events, all encounters and to step out of the duality that appears to exist in this world of opposites. I share the spa experience because that is how I want to approach everything.

 I know that the inclusion of polarities and dropping the perception of good and bad, cracks the illusion of separateness. In that moment we can experience our Oneness. The aspect that is One has no distinction between this and that. It simply is. And it seems to me that pleasure can be as spiritual a pathway as any. Plus it seems like a heck of a lot of fun.

Trying to eliminate the negative to have more positive does NOT work. The very focus of trying to get rid of something, whether inside self or another, actually increases and intensifies its hold. 

And so ….The Discipline of Pleasure.  Let’s increase our dopamine receptors through a wide variety of pleasurable stimuli. Lets approach every feeling, every perceived opposite with the same welcome whether its anger, joy, chocolate, people, the irksome and the adorable, social interactions, work or spiritual practice.

It’s our attitude and living in the presence of enjoyment without judgment that will increase pleasure receptors. That’s when life goes beyond bearable into the realm of exciting, passionate and purposeful.  In giving up this futile attempt at fixing or eliminating, even in the name of healing, then all of life can be play.

So there is my new inner direction!!! And I am going to keep inviting synchronicity, playmates and experiences that align with inclusion, resulting in oneness . 

 I leave my flashlight behind as I step into knowing that not all dark places need light, that in fact they are one and the same. It is in accepting, loving and therefore integrating all aspects of these supposed opposites that separation disappears.

And in that knowing I can come to peace with desire…with all parts of myself.

Branded by the delight that what is….is.

Authentically Yours

Marty

 

 

Playing in Playa

Now I don’t mean to make anyone in colder snowier/rainy climes envious but I am writing this week’s post in paradise. Playa Del Carmen is a dream of a destination with perks I never really associated with Mexico. Yes, its sand is virgin white and the waters so turquoise and buoyant it feels like being cradled in the azure arms of the ocean but more than that, I am newly intrigued by the people I am encountering. The town is not like any other Mexican place I have visited. The variety and mix of people from around the world makes for a very cosmopolitan vibe, from the chic Italian quarter to Philippe Stark designed restaurants that have seating configurations like still life paintings, each tableau more whimsical than the last. Alice in Wonderland would have felt right at home at Mosquito Blue!
The boutique hotels are hidden gems. We followed some ancient steps to find a rooftop with pool, lounging beds and retro movies screening on the white stone walls.  Joan Crawford in a sombrero…yikes. www.designhotels.com/deseo
Quality tequila tastings are endless. I contemplate slipping into that pool, cocktail in hand.

Local musicians are plentiful here and friendly and the characters are fascinating. Ericka who fled the frost of Sweden marrying a Cuban ex pat now runs one of the many local cigar stores. Her husband is 3rd generation in the cigar business. The frisky doorman at Club Mandala, one of dance spots I dragged my son into at 1 in the morning, who waved our cover… I think because he pegged me for a dame with a gigolo, (but don’t tell my son that as he is just growing out of his ‘I am embarrassed by my mom who can party as hard as I can” stage.

I love Juan who makes me a café latte every morning taking pleasure in the sparkle that lights up my eyes at that first magnificent sip. And the Speedos! I thought I didn’t like them but I admit I am starting to develop a fondness for the look with so many wonderfully toned men wandering about. Oh wait, I am supposed to get over the eye candy pull. Mmmmm….it really is glorious here.

The best part is spending time with my son. Yes, he still rolls his eyes when he considers what I have  said dumb, but he is also owning it and no longer making it about me. I am learning a lot about myself too. I have bounced against a few areas where I realize I am still not fully accepting myself. I have known for a while that my ability to discern what I want and go after it triggers some people. Even knowing that it is their own disowned aspect of deserving or not feeling worthy that is causing the reaction doesn’t really help me wish it wasn’t happening at all. I think that must be the part of me that wants to be liked.
Here is the query I am in. I actually discovered that some people ‘dumb down’ what they want because they don’t want to trouble another person. When I ask you what you want, I want the details so I can make it happen. It gives me pleasure to get you your heart’s desire if I can. I don’t want a dumbed down request based on politeness. I find that concept of politeness overrated. I would rather know exactly what would bring you joy in the moment.

Yet what I am hearing is when I am asked what I want, if I supply all the details some people react and judge that as entitlement, as if I am asking for too much. I shake my head, perplexed. I didn’t ask, I answered their question of me. Why would you not say what you wanted exactly, if asked? I thought when people asked me what I wanted or they ask if they could get me something, they were thinking as I do and want the details. If this seems vague here is an example. If someone says do you want something from Starbucks, saying sure I’d like a coffee is ok, saying I would like a decaf Americano with about 3 inches of cream is not. All the extra details impact some people as an imposition.

I am left pondering this difference in perception and I bump up against a sneaky little thought that says it would be so much easier to just not want anything. And yet at my core I want to taste everything AND I am grateful for it AND I want to share it AND I want everyone to have everything they want too.

I like to go big, not at the expense of another but just as part of the human adventure in sensuality. Perhaps my task is to make peace with the fact that that is not everyone’s cup of tea, or rather in my case, glass of champagne.

And now the waters are calling, I am going to try the hydrotherapy pools, water features include a cascade to relax your back while walking on stones designed to hit reflexology points.

Tonight will be dinner and a local band on the beach at Fusion then more raucous dancing at The Blue Parrot where the dress code calls for barefeet.

When I build my urban oasis back home, I want to being sand up to the deck, have a fire pit and plunge pool and call it Playa. With enough heat lamps we can have beach parties all year long.

Branded by pleasure,

Authentically Yours,
Marty

Sweet

"Love waits on welcome, not on time, and the real world is but your welcome of what always was.” ACIM

Well it’s me again. Buns has been captured by sea creatures and is busily plumbing their depths.  No really…she is swamped so I am posting two in a row.

What to share is the question…a new exploration with a musician from Alabama (yes, still taking long distance to the extreme), a new realization of what makes me tick around mutuality and relationship or ideas floating around for the next Blind Date Dinner Party?

 Maybe I will start with where I am in the moment. My laptop is exactly where it belongs… on my lap.
 I am looking at a stunning vista of crisp green foliage bordering the waters and mountains of the Lakehouse, where I am a constant and happy to say, welcome visitor.
 It’s beautiful here and the company couldn’t be better.
 At the Lakehouse we play cards, board games, cook communal meals and most importantly sing. My friend plays guitar and there is constant harmony and enthusiasm whenever he strikes a chord that is recognized.
 The other game I love playing here is the creation of a list of top 5 places to live in the world. The only caveat is that everyone has to agree that they would live there.
 Big dreams…big lives.
At the moment another game is in full swing. Euchre, an Ontario card game synonymous with cottage life is being raucously played tournament style.
 I can steal a few moments to connect here.
 I must say that this feeling of family resonates with such intensity for me. at the cottage. Finding people who are of the same tribe to share and hang with….it doesn’t get any better.  I feel grateful and happy.
Cava, has just been popped, Segura Viudas a sparkling white from Spain inviting celebration of nothing in particular…or perhaps it’s because it’s cocktail hour and the aroma of roasting beef au jus is teasing the air. Regardless I can’t think of many things more merry than that sound of joyful explosion followed by laughter.

And then there is the lake. You step outside and are wrapped in the scent of fresh pine…new growth and promise mixed with the cedar scent of logs burning in the fireplace.
Do you get that I love it here? Here, I get to mull, to clear my mind and fill my heart.

So about the new man I am curious about…let’s call him Alabama. He is a bass player who seems quite awake, grounded and mellow. And while one can’t be sure of anything at this early stage, my sense of him is he is not in the least intimidated by my fierce determination to be real. That’s good!

 And I stay committed to my value of living present time and noticing what is, not what I want there to be. I continue to express me, regardless of reception.
I suppose that kind of brings me to talk about mutuality in relationship.
 I am so clear these days that I have no desire to shape shift or be anything other than what I am.  If I am understood, wonderful…and if not…I am trusting that too.  I am open and content to be living so fully alive, exploring the present as contact occurs. I can’t even imagine how hard I used to work at creating connection, how many excuses I would make for bad behavior that I couldn’t understand or all the striving to creatively invite depth.
 Now I just go deep inside myself,express what I find and either he can meet me or he cannot. C’est ca.

“But why do they all seem to live so far away…I mean really…”says one part of me.
 
“Because love knows no boundaries, no time, or space or distance. “answers another part. “He could be anywhere on the face of this earth, I can’t let that stop me”

 I am the eternal optimist, a romantic who trusts that the next adventure may be the beginning of a co-creation worth committing to…or not. I refuse to let it define who I am.
.
 In the meantime, as I said on Valentine’s Day, love is a verb not a noun.
Something I can give in every moment.

And in this moment…oh my God…the cake that was in the oven for this evenings dessert is out.
Caramelized brown sugar that will no doubt result in a chorus from our Stone’s repertoire.  How sweet it is!

Authentically Yours
Marty