Awakening

Surrounded by men on my recent journey to France I learned a few things. They kiss by 3’s in the south and only on 2 cheeks in the north. But they kiss…each other!   How lovely!

And almost every Frenchman I met in the countryside has great biceps that definitely were not sculpted in a gym. But I digress. I want to talk about the generous nature of men and in particular my dear friend Aarin who enticed me to take my recent trip to France and a new friend James who welcomed me into his home so graciously.

Words like never and always are infuriating to me. Use them frequently enough and you will find me poking holes at your generalizations trying to pluck out that one exception that dissolves the rest. And so when at a wine tasting Aarin was using exactly that kind of vocabulary talking about the grapes we sampling, I was momentarily taken aback.

I have spent my life blowing up boxes. Was I being now asked to enter another one, albeit a tasty one?  Was acceptance of some of the extremely rigid rules of growing grapes the price of admission to the club? I decided to stretch my thinking.

What if breaking rules simply because they were rules was actually an act of adolescent rebellion? Perhaps you first have to know what the rules are in order to decide to ignore them. 

And what if rules are not inherently bad or constricting but can actually create standards that offer consistency in a world of massive variables.

When I look at all the rules in wine making AND all the exceptions to the rules it makes my head spin. 

So where do I learn more? Cue the music. Enter James Dunstan, writer and wine importer who lives part of the year in Vacqueyras in the beautiful Southern Rhone part of Provence. Wine has been produced in this region since the 15^th century and the photo above depicts just how charming the village is. 

James has become my hero of the grape and his knowledge of wine and passion for quality seems to surpass famous American wine critic Robert Parker's penchant for high scores.  James was not only a fountain of information, he invited us into a world of mouthwatering sensations that while focused on wines also included music and conversation and superb taste treats from the local countryside.  His gift pairs his love of musical tracks with the perfect libation, and we reveled in this ambiance at his glorious home.

I tend to translate names into verbs when I am struck by the remarkable in a person’s character.  So while ‘Do a Grace Kelly’ means to take the high road, and ‘Do a Buns and Marty’ means you jump both feet into the next adventure that presents itself, ‘ Do a James Dunstan’ means you are going for the best. Be it a gorgeous wine, a simple luxury, a decadent treat or creating a moment that will resonate in memory, his taste for quality and a full bodied experience of sensual pleasure is to be appreciated.  Check out his blog at www.jamesdunstan.jp 

There is a lovely wine we enjoyed later in Paris called  L’Empreinte de Saint Mont 2011 . Its label reads. ‘ Laisser dans le temp une idee precise du plausir.’   It means, know the moment that pleasure enters.   This motto reflects my experience at James’s table. Pleasure and gratitude seeped into my pores. The delight was auditory, gustatory and held the resonate zing of meaningful connection.  This is how to live! 

Thank you gentlemen.  My heart says "Merci beaucoup."

Branded by the senses:

Authentically Yours,

Marty

The Discipline Of Pleasure

Really? Discipline? Doesn’t just the use of that word bring up connotations of will power and self control, none of which is even remotely pleasurable. Well I have been unraveling with this idea for a few days now and I’d love to share what I mean.

Receptors are message receivers on the surface of our cells and while most of our pleasure receptors are located in the brain they are also found throughout the body. I have even heard the molecules that bind to these receptors nicknamed the Bliss Molecule. This got me thinking. What if the art of opening to pleasure became a discipline, a way of life? I am not talking about abandoning oneself to hedonistic impulse or lack of discernment or compulsively filling ourselves up due to a sense of lack. I mean the conscious invitation to open to whatever arises in the present moment without judgment. My premise is that it is in the opening itself, in the acceptance of what is, that pleasure is the result.

When you think about something pleasurable, waking up to the sound of surf in the tropics, or the smell of crisp freshly laundered sheets, perhaps the feel of sun on your skin, bites of juicy fragrant mango, music so sweet that it makes your heart ache, the touch of a lovers lips or the first melting mouthful of the dark velvety bliss of chocolate…these are all chances for our senses to open wide in gratitude for the pleasure of the moment. Even simply imagining all of life’s bounty shifts ones mood and invites an experience of pleasure. So if pleasure is a choice based on perception perhaps one could get disciplined about it and include the pleasure of feeling everything, experiencing everything.

On the path of cultivating the bliss molecule I book a massage at Chi The Spa at Shangri-La.

http://www.shangri-la.com/vancouver/shangrila/health-leisure/chi-the-spa/

Divinely decadent, expensive but totally worth the experience, especially since I was rewiring my cellular structure to create more receptors for pleasure :)  Now this won’t work if you are worried about the cost or racing to find time for the experience or judging whether you deserve it or whether it’s good or bad.  The discipline of pleasure calls for deep breaths and presence…no regrets: a full on, six sense journey into the present moment.

The names of the treatment rooms are all in Sanskrit and I was in Baskul which appropriately means ‘Starting point of journey to Shangri-La. I basked in the Feng Shui attention to detail. Each suite is different, from Jampa, Loving Kindness and Compassion to Namshe which means Consciousness, they all have a fireplace, soothing color tones, sitting areas for tea ceremonies, your own dressing room, steam shower and soaker tub.

Plush doesn’t even begin to describe the texture of the baby soft robes and blankets. You are immediately relaxed and cuddled in the embrace of a fluffy white cocoon. Fresh lemon water awaits and you can ask for your room 15 minutes before the massage in order to enjoy a steam or soak in the tub. My registered therapist Mai was lovely and her healing energy was skilled, sublime and appreciated.

 Afterwards I floated into the lounge and was met with a cup of fresh ginger tea, dates, apricots and cranberries.  My Chi was flowing and I moved with languid ease, step one on my path of being disciplined with pleasure was complete.

You may say, well it’s easy to feel pleasure when the circumstances are so pleasurable. Yes it’s true; however my goal here is to include all events, all encounters and to step out of the duality that appears to exist in this world of opposites. I share the spa experience because that is how I want to approach everything.

 I know that the inclusion of polarities and dropping the perception of good and bad, cracks the illusion of separateness. In that moment we can experience our Oneness. The aspect that is One has no distinction between this and that. It simply is. And it seems to me that pleasure can be as spiritual a pathway as any. Plus it seems like a heck of a lot of fun.

Trying to eliminate the negative to have more positive does NOT work. The very focus of trying to get rid of something, whether inside self or another, actually increases and intensifies its hold. 

And so ….The Discipline of Pleasure.  Let’s increase our dopamine receptors through a wide variety of pleasurable stimuli. Lets approach every feeling, every perceived opposite with the same welcome whether its anger, joy, chocolate, people, the irksome and the adorable, social interactions, work or spiritual practice.

It’s our attitude and living in the presence of enjoyment without judgment that will increase pleasure receptors. That’s when life goes beyond bearable into the realm of exciting, passionate and purposeful.  In giving up this futile attempt at fixing or eliminating, even in the name of healing, then all of life can be play.

So there is my new inner direction!!! And I am going to keep inviting synchronicity, playmates and experiences that align with inclusion, resulting in oneness . 

 I leave my flashlight behind as I step into knowing that not all dark places need light, that in fact they are one and the same. It is in accepting, loving and therefore integrating all aspects of these supposed opposites that separation disappears.

And in that knowing I can come to peace with desire…with all parts of myself.

Branded by the delight that what is….is.

Authentically Yours

Marty

 

 

I Can't Think Straight!

Pride weekend is a time of pure unadulterated, playful joy.

Everyone seems far more inclined to smile and say hello, genuinely engage in connection and live in a spirit of frivolity.  For me, being surrounded by people declaring their right to be themselves is like an accelerant that sparks lively conversation and passionate expression.

And to top it all off there are fireworks…collective enjoyment of exploding colors and sound…mmmm…I get turned on by it all. It’s like a volcano of excitement bubbles up in me the whole time. And where else can you see such a plethora of chiseled abs un-retouched by Photoshop!
My friend Jewel and I attend the parade every year wearing matching bedazzled cowboy hats (it’s the only time of year my ‘inner fashion police’ allows me to match). We dance at the beach tents after, in a mosh pit of high energy communion. Well maybe we do more than attend…we PARTICIPATE! Sometimes we dive into the ocean to cool off.  Always, we applaud loudest for the men in Olympian high heeled stilettos as they march down Robson St amidst the cheering fans, this year totaling 640,000.
As you may have gathered, on this blog I share what is currently in my heart or happening in my life. That at times includes my friends and while not all like to be written about, I think if you are pals with a writer it just comes with the territory... as long as you change names to maintain anonymity. With that caveat in mind, Charisma joined us this year. We made her buy a cowboy hat too and are thinking of creating a Pride Tribe, just need a wacky name for our playfully dedicated troop of wayfarers. Of course we are always discussing how to add to our brilliance and have decided that next year we need black corsets and combat boots with flowing lace skirts. I would love to add some black angel wings as well just to get in the mood of temptress but then there is the same dilemma of what to do with those billowy plumes when entering the dance floor ( other than poke someone’s eye out). Charisma already had that problem as she maneuvered the crowd with two Pride flags jutting out of her shoulders like fluttering rainbow wings….with sharp points on the end)

Every year my neighbors decorate the sidewalk in front of our building with rattan lounge chairs, huge straw Palapa umbrellas, coffee tables, potted plants and full size BBQ.  Drinks and appetizers are served and the atmosphere is carnival festive.  We 3 never sat down! Dancing during the entire 2 and a half hour parade was not only a workout but an exercise in fanning the flames of pure unadulterated enthusiasm. A new man (who I meet on Wednesday for the first time, hopefully at a sea side dinner by the outdoor fireplace at Dockside) suggested last week that the currency of exchange between people could become enthusiasm rather than money. If that was how we lived I would truly be a billionaire! And Sunday would have been the day we made our millions. Not to mention new friends, as Jewel teased the clearly straight police man who was working the crowd maintaining order. She softly inquired about his handcuffs and suggestions abounded about putting them to good use. Hey, it’s just that kind of day!
Post parade cocktails are part of the tradition, so after frozen margaritas we followed the music down to the water and into the thickest part of the crowd. There, men and women, gay and straight danced with abandon. It was easy to find yet another friend who had been spinning music on one of the parade's floats, her hot pink boa waving in the shimmering heat. As I watched the dance move her from the inside out, my heart flowed with pleasure and pride at her current day freedom with herself. It is a beautiful honor to witness someone you care about, release themselves.
I must say that the attention we tend to garner in this particular dance arena is always a tad inexplicable to me. Is it our glow, our radiant pleasure rippling out that impacts people? I really don’t know. All I can say is I have never had so many men adore me, tell me to never change, to always be the way I am and to keep shining. And yes, I wondered why heterosexual men don’t croon with the same appreciation!
We bumped and bounced and jumped with hip shaking fierceness, beaming smiles the entire time. I love this kind of freedom. No judgment, no evaluation, simply unconditional acceptance for everyone. Yes, yes, yes…I may be naïve. No doubt that is not all that was going on. But I have to tell you I choose to see this way and when I do, I fly with happiness. I feel connected and I feel our sameness as human beings, as spirits. I do love to bridge that gap between human and spirit. I think that is my calling!
I got a quote today from The Universe that comes daily into my inbox. It said “The great thing about feeling deep, profound, earth shaking love is that you can start with anyone.”
Can you imagine if you lived your life looking through a filter, through eyes that knew that statement to be true? I stay committed to this choice.  And it’s in these times that I can’t think straight.  I FEEL.

Authentically Yours,
Marty

Post Party Musings

“Cowardice asks the question: is it safe? Expediency asks the question: is it political? Vanity asks the question: is it popular? But conscience asks the question: is it right? And there comes a time when one must take a position that is neither safe, nor political nor popular, but one must take it simply because it is right.”
Martin Luther King

I am touched by these words today. They invite me to open, to reflect, and to ponder which lens I most look through when living my life. Buns and I have both written about our commitment to authenticity and in that context I would like to add one more question to the brilliant Mr. King’s words. (Yes I know, how arrogant, but I somehow think he would not really mind being an inspiration, a conduit to conscious thinking.)

The question I ask myself to determine what I say or do in this world, in relationship is: is it real?
And that opens up a whole subjective exploration around reality and one’s criteria to determine what is real.

I reflect back to last week’s Blind Date Dinner Party and the sheer joy of it. What excited me so much was how just the invitation to experience the senses fully, without the stimulus of sight, increased our awareness of the present moment tenfold. Whether it was E and J’s harmonious voices merged in one solid heartbeat that transported us to the dark forests of Slavic Europe or the Tall Drink of Water's didgeridoo of a throat, humming us onto the peaks of the Himalayas…our relationship with sound became achingly more sensitive, more connected with feelings. And taste, smell and touch evoked a similar heightened sense of awareness and acuity.

So this to me is real!

It is present time, not meandering between past and future but smack dab right in the breath, in the body and in the now!

That is the definition of consciousness is it not? Alive, vibrant, open, curious and rich in sensation.
This is the same frequency that I evoke into a relationship. Imagine it… Conscious relationship and all that entails… where every touch speaks as loudly as words and with as much meaning and understanding both in the sender and the receiver.

For me this exchange is a call to bliss, and it would include sharing anything and everything that arises which normally would prevent one from feeling such pure flow, such interdependence.

There is no judgment or evaluation in this model, only an acceptance and movement toward what is… not what you want to maneuver the moment to be… BUT WHAT IS!

That would include sadness, anger, contraction, and resistance... all welcomed equally with the trust that inherent in breathing into all feelings they shift and dissolve and transform into something REAL … into an experience of Self and Other that is free and connected at the same time.

I have said it before and I repeat it often to keep reminding myself of the course I am committed to, the path back home to myself and to living authentically… real is not the self creation of pretty presentations… real is an offering of transparency and revealing of what is, pretty or not, in the present moment.

That’s what we did at the dinner party. Moment by moment, blindfolds in hand, we experienced each other as a group at our core. People’s ability to go deep will vary but when the intention is set for revealing, something magical happens and it is as satisfying as a five-course meal… more so... The sharing of our soul’s imagery is filling…it’s nurturing…it’s darn right sexy.

So for me Mr. King’s question: is it right, is the foundation to stand on, to anchor in as a human having a human experience. I am not interested in sensuality simply for sensuality’s sake. Hedonism, while loads of fun, without a solid connection to ‘what is right’ can easily shift into self-serving chaos.

Checking if something is right, which means in alignment with one’s core values, keeps one’s choices on course with something far bigger and deeper than obedience to the question, does it feel good?
Clear focus of ‘what the experience is for’ is a companion that gives purpose to one’s journey. Without purpose, sensation can get stale and redundant, with it, one invites the depths of one’s soul to resonate in a human exchange, to be legitimately seen and received. Then the focus can shift from what one is getting to what one is giving.

Far beyond hedonistic sensation this level of depth actually requires asking: what is real? The question itself calls for self inquiry and the use of a different skill set than the eyes we use to see outwardly. For the soul to flourish and offer up its secrets, its purpose, its spiritual delights…its LOVE…only inner sight, inner sensation and listening to a deeper more Core part of self is needed. This Core part of you (or as Buns calls it your Essential Self) is spirit, it is love, it is joy. And all the parts of you that may not feel like that are simply stepping stones to your Core.

This way of perceiving, of dancing with Self and others is deep AND it can be fun! The next REAL dinner party is already in the works. You can show up as you are… flawed and human…full of contradictions and keep revealing until you hit the center of yourself. Then give it… without apology… offer it to the world and risk having a deep experience of knowing and being known.

Authentically Yours
Marty

P.S. My gift to the group at the dinner party involved scent. I had 3 oils, one a coconut oil infused with the rare Tiare flower from Tahiti ( I love to anoint my skin with it after steamy hot baths). The other 2 were natural scents made by Pure Attar Luxurious Oils: Oil of Damascus with cloves and sweet orange and Tunisian Nights with sandalwood and rose. (Most of the men picked that scent.) Each person inhaled their favorite and as it soaked into their skin, warmed by touch, it evoked an inner journey of the senses. Remember they were blindfolded. Stories unfolded of tender moments with loved ones, brilliant kaleidoscopes of images from exotic locations and still silent depth that offered a pause, a soft place to rest in inhalation. The oils were given to me by Jennifer at Pure Attar, who made them and offered them for my New Year's rendezvous with Chicago. (Still sad at times that he missed that boat.) I saved them until now wanting to honor the pleasure of their delicacies with a real moment in time.

You can order them from http://www.pure-attar.com

Red Light Means GO!

WHAT! Are you hearing horns honking as you plow through intersections…ok, thats not what I meant. In a dangerous situation where the wise criteria clearly calls for stopping it’s a no brainer, but what about those areas of your life where you stop simply because you feel afraid or contracted, out of your comfort zone or simply unsure of how to navigate. If screeching to a halt when you are intimidated or uncomfortable is your habitual response, avoiding the situation or person by coming up with reasons not to step forward then you may want to join me in deciphering the difference between a healthy risk that stretches you to be more of who you really are and playing it safe.
To me playing it safe would be akin to a highway, if not to hell, then to a state of boredom. When people say they are bored I wonder how much of a risk they are taking with themselves. Boredom has very little to do with the situation or the person you are interacting with, if you are bored I will lay money you are playing it safe in terms of your personal risk level. We do that, don’t we? Have an experience and then try to explain it by what is in front of us.

I am saying the explanation AND the solution lies inside of self, no matter what the external circumstances.

So following the direction that red light means go is a way of challenging oneself to go further than well worn habits of defense and protectiveness. Really why would one stop at the opportunity to have a new exciting experience? How can you tell the difference between exciting and scary? It feels the same in the body. What makes the difference is what you tell yourself about the situation or person you are experiencing.
As you know I am on- line dating. That calls for a certain level of discernment yet taken too far a person could get stuck never leaving the computer. Red flags are red flags. Lying, aggression, temper tantrums, irresponsible behavior those are obvious warning signs but what about the more subtle clues. How do you know when a flag means stop, walk away from the date or go… stretch and challenge your perception.
I am communicating with someone now who is intriguing in an intellectual way. I respect the faith and certainty he has in himself and I’m curious about how he thinks, yet this is a person who has not done any personal development in the formal sense. He has never read a book on metaphysics or practiced the art of self inquiry...he says. And I of course am devoted to shining a light and illuminating every dark corner in my psyche. Is this a flag that we would never match or an opportunity to stretch and learn about a way of being that is just different than my own?
Jury is still out. But when he talks about getting together and says let’s NOT do the typical coffee date, let’s do something different…whoo who…I am listening. Different is my middle name. So we are percolating about what that could look like.
For a first meeting, here is my thought so far. He flies in by sea plane and comes to a dinner party at my place. The kicker is we would not be the only two meeting for the first time. Fun? I am setting up two girlfriends, as well as thinking of adding another couple who will meet for the first time over dinner.
The common factor here besides the sharing of great wine and creative sensual food is the invitation for all present to take a risk outside of their comfort zone. And me being me, I am thinking of ways to stir that pot, maybe by having a dish of questions that we each pick from and answer during the meal. Light and breezy ice breakers with a glass of Merlot…ha, not likely. Now here is where Van Isle, yes that is what we will call him, gets extra points. He says lets all wear masks. Masks? Do you see why I am intrigued by this guy’s head? However…I think people often do wear masks and my goal is always to transparency and the encouragement to take them off. Still I am giving him points for thinking outside of the box.
And Buns now we come to you. What would be a risky thing for Buns that night? We are mulling it. I had a hit that she could invite a stranger off the street, that could be risky. Yeah for me since it’s at my place….mmmm…ok, maybe not so much.
We need help on this one.
So if anyone has a thought about what Buns could do that might be pushing her envelope at this Blind Date Dinner Party, let us know. In the meantime I am saying yes even as some red lights flash. Maybe they are just amber and maybe they are green. At the moment red means go….if I don’t take the risk I will never know. Plus any opportunity for momentary madness spells adventure and that’s something I am not walking away from.