Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Playing in Playa

Now I don’t mean to make anyone in colder snowier/rainy climes envious but I am writing this week’s post in paradise. Playa Del Carmen is a dream of a destination with perks I never really associated with Mexico. Yes, its sand is virgin white and the waters so turquoise and buoyant it feels like being cradled in the azure arms of the ocean but more than that, I am newly intrigued by the people I am encountering. The town is not like any other Mexican place I have visited. The variety and mix of people from around the world makes for a very cosmopolitan vibe, from the chic Italian quarter to Philippe Stark designed restaurants that have seating configurations like still life paintings, each tableau more whimsical than the last. Alice in Wonderland would have felt right at home at Mosquito Blue!
The boutique hotels are hidden gems. We followed some ancient steps to find a rooftop with pool, lounging beds and retro movies screening on the white stone walls.  Joan Crawford in a sombrero…yikes. www.designhotels.com/deseo
Quality tequila tastings are endless. I contemplate slipping into that pool, cocktail in hand.

Local musicians are plentiful here and friendly and the characters are fascinating. Ericka who fled the frost of Sweden marrying a Cuban ex pat now runs one of the many local cigar stores. Her husband is 3rd generation in the cigar business. The frisky doorman at Club Mandala, one of dance spots I dragged my son into at 1 in the morning, who waved our cover… I think because he pegged me for a dame with a gigolo, (but don’t tell my son that as he is just growing out of his ‘I am embarrassed by my mom who can party as hard as I can” stage.

I love Juan who makes me a café latte every morning taking pleasure in the sparkle that lights up my eyes at that first magnificent sip. And the Speedos! I thought I didn’t like them but I admit I am starting to develop a fondness for the look with so many wonderfully toned men wandering about. Oh wait, I am supposed to get over the eye candy pull. Mmmmm….it really is glorious here.

The best part is spending time with my son. Yes, he still rolls his eyes when he considers what I have  said dumb, but he is also owning it and no longer making it about me. I am learning a lot about myself too. I have bounced against a few areas where I realize I am still not fully accepting myself. I have known for a while that my ability to discern what I want and go after it triggers some people. Even knowing that it is their own disowned aspect of deserving or not feeling worthy that is causing the reaction doesn’t really help me wish it wasn’t happening at all. I think that must be the part of me that wants to be liked.
Here is the query I am in. I actually discovered that some people ‘dumb down’ what they want because they don’t want to trouble another person. When I ask you what you want, I want the details so I can make it happen. It gives me pleasure to get you your heart’s desire if I can. I don’t want a dumbed down request based on politeness. I find that concept of politeness overrated. I would rather know exactly what would bring you joy in the moment.

Yet what I am hearing is when I am asked what I want, if I supply all the details some people react and judge that as entitlement, as if I am asking for too much. I shake my head, perplexed. I didn’t ask, I answered their question of me. Why would you not say what you wanted exactly, if asked? I thought when people asked me what I wanted or they ask if they could get me something, they were thinking as I do and want the details. If this seems vague here is an example. If someone says do you want something from Starbucks, saying sure I’d like a coffee is ok, saying I would like a decaf Americano with about 3 inches of cream is not. All the extra details impact some people as an imposition.

I am left pondering this difference in perception and I bump up against a sneaky little thought that says it would be so much easier to just not want anything. And yet at my core I want to taste everything AND I am grateful for it AND I want to share it AND I want everyone to have everything they want too.

I like to go big, not at the expense of another but just as part of the human adventure in sensuality. Perhaps my task is to make peace with the fact that that is not everyone’s cup of tea, or rather in my case, glass of champagne.

And now the waters are calling, I am going to try the hydrotherapy pools, water features include a cascade to relax your back while walking on stones designed to hit reflexology points.

Tonight will be dinner and a local band on the beach at Fusion then more raucous dancing at The Blue Parrot where the dress code calls for barefeet.

When I build my urban oasis back home, I want to being sand up to the deck, have a fire pit and plunge pool and call it Playa. With enough heat lamps we can have beach parties all year long.

Branded by pleasure,

Authentically Yours,

Sunday, February 19, 2012

Cover me. I'm goin' in.

Wow.  Did I ever just learn something big a few minutes ago.  When it’s my turn to write here, my process is to sit still, empty my mind of any agenda, and notice what wants to emerge as the next subject for contemplation.  When it first starts to come into focus, I still may not know specifically what it is but I always can sense the flavour of it.  Then I go to my favourite sources to find an image that best resonates with what is bubbling up from within.

So today,  while I was browsing through a gorgeous collection of photographs, I realized that the ones that truly make me take notice are those with a single woman (yes, like moi) either standing on a cliff ready to take flight, wading into the water towards a beautiful horizon, or looking wistfully at something not quite in the frame.  You know the ones I mean. And they all could be me. Mmmmm.  Interesting. 

So here’s the thing.  I am not resonating with my heart’s desire.  My good friend Mark Ainley, an extraordinary Feng Shuist (my word – probably couldn’t be found in the Scrabble dictionary …) once remarked to me that while the art around my home was lovely, none of it depicted relationship. 

And it’s funny.  Although I decided to find the perfect, eye-catching image for today’s musings, I didn’t get the same feeling of recognition that I do when I see one of a woman with long flowing hair, reaching her arms skyward, and seemingly completely joyful.  But I’m sitting with the one I chose and will notice how it can start to inform me in a new way. 

I’ll let you know how that goes.

In the meantime, being absolutely in love with someone (and him with me) while remaining true to myself is my heart’s desire,  and so I can relate to love poetry… and I love this one …

Love is from the infinite and will remain until eternity. Rumi

Branded by desire,


Monday, February 13, 2012


Stretching beyond a comfort zone may seem like work. For me the thrill of the motion overrides any ego chatter in my head trying to talk me out of it. And the ego always will tell you why it’s a waste of energy since it thinks there is safety in the known…in the walls…in the box.

I know that I feel most alive when I am stepping into unchartered waters. So today it was a small stretch, like broadening my preconceived notions in terms of my stereotypes about men (yes I still stumble across them). Tomorrow…who knows. All I know is I look for these opportunities.

Now here is my new revelation. I went to a medical intuitive , a woman who reads energy beyond the physical. The thinking in brief is that our  physical body is not the only body we have. It’s just the one where the vibration is so slow that we can see and feel it in the form of matter. It is on the physical body that we manifest symptoms of illness, yet it is in our other bodies called subtle bodies that the disturbance or dis-ease may be held. You can think of them as energy fields that surround our physical form, each with a different vibration and focus. After the physical body, is the etheric, then the emotional, the mental and the spiritual. Here energy can be intuited on a very different channel than the linear. Here, information is gathered through images, symbols and sounds but not through our seeing eyes, rather our sensing radar. 

This reader was dynamic and what she said landed for me. She said to picture an elastic band and that I am the band moving forward, trying and trying with all the effort I can muster. Yet the other end of the band is locked in place by an energy pattern that keeps me unable to blast free. Like wheels spinning I keep pulling forward because that’s what I do and yet the scenery stays the same. The elastic remains taunt.

All this effort is resulting in physical pain locked into my shoulder and neck.  Mmmmm…ok….I am going to let go. I will keep you posted as to what we discover next week but honestly I can already feel more ease simply because I see the fruitlessness of pulling forward. This does not have to be hard! 
I am cultivating flow as an art form.
I imagine life without effort. I imagine flowing in my natural grace. I sigh so loud with anticipation that the elastic shivers. Letting go can do that.

Branded by ease...

PS: Who knew that Buns is such a handy woman.
Today we shopped for shelving at Ikea, lugging units of high gloss red lacquer that are being assembled (yes by Buns!!!!!) to organize my work space.  She is a miracle, a gem among friends, she deserves an award and a t-shirt that reads I can put it together and take it apart.

PS: PS: I am planing the next Blind Date Dinner Party, just have to get Buns on the Internet dating.
And, I am off to Playa del Carmen next week so I will have lots of time to percolate poolside on the next stretch into adventure.

PS:PS:PS: Happy V Day. Big love to all and to all a good night.

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Longing for a change

Valentine’s Day is approaching quickly and I admit to moments where it is simply a painful reminder that I am not in a relationship.  In truth, I am a deeply-loved person by many people – I am reminded of that every day with random phonecalls, flowers, flashes from the past from those who say I made a difference in their lives… and yet… there’s a longing for that one person with whom I can experience undefended love. 
So what do I do about that?  Marty is convinced that I should try the on-line thing.  I am in such resistance to it that it probably means I should.  At the very least, I should look at the resistance – that might yield some useful information for me! 
I also am learning about the difference between longing and cherishing.  If I continue to “long” for someone, that is what I resonate to my outside world.  If I can shift that to “cherishing”, then my radiance has a much more welcoming content.  (Thank you for that one M…).
Just hearing that made me realize how much of my heart’s capacity is wrapped up in honouring and loving the memory of Duncan and how I have unconsciously put up a “No Vacancy” sign.  Yes, it’s great to have tons of friends, and I do have that, and it’s also a great way to keep my tender heart safe from anyone else moving in.
I’ve got lots to work with on this one.
And, while I eagerly await the sound of the clopping hooves of the horse with my prince astride, I remain in awe of the richness of my life and I am truly grateful.
Special thanks to Kim, Michael, Kirstin, Jackie, Jeff S., and Bruce – whether you know it or not, you affirmed for me that I am loved for who I am.
Branded by gratitude…
Love Buns
P.S.  Stay tuned for a report from the on-line world.  I’m thinking of taking the plunge with Marty’s guidance!
And, for your listening pleasure…