Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Longing for a change

Valentine’s Day is approaching quickly and I admit to moments where it is simply a painful reminder that I am not in a relationship.  In truth, I am a deeply-loved person by many people – I am reminded of that every day with random phonecalls, flowers, flashes from the past from those who say I made a difference in their lives… and yet… there’s a longing for that one person with whom I can experience undefended love. 
So what do I do about that?  Marty is convinced that I should try the on-line thing.  I am in such resistance to it that it probably means I should.  At the very least, I should look at the resistance – that might yield some useful information for me! 
I also am learning about the difference between longing and cherishing.  If I continue to “long” for someone, that is what I resonate to my outside world.  If I can shift that to “cherishing”, then my radiance has a much more welcoming content.  (Thank you for that one M…).
Just hearing that made me realize how much of my heart’s capacity is wrapped up in honouring and loving the memory of Duncan and how I have unconsciously put up a “No Vacancy” sign.  Yes, it’s great to have tons of friends, and I do have that, and it’s also a great way to keep my tender heart safe from anyone else moving in.
I’ve got lots to work with on this one.
And, while I eagerly await the sound of the clopping hooves of the horse with my prince astride, I remain in awe of the richness of my life and I am truly grateful.
Special thanks to Kim, Michael, Kirstin, Jackie, Jeff S., and Bruce – whether you know it or not, you affirmed for me that I am loved for who I am.
Branded by gratitude…
Love Buns
P.S.  Stay tuned for a report from the on-line world.  I’m thinking of taking the plunge with Marty’s guidance!
And, for your listening pleasure…

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