Saturday, March 26, 2011

Honoring Love's Intelligence

I have been bitten by the real estate bug. On some days it’s the warm, foreign, cobble stone streets of an ancient city, kind of bug. On other days it’s the sound of surf and smell of night blooming jasmine that lulls me to deepen my inhale and imagine. And always I am writing and sipping on some local concoction, interacting with the sun.

In all the scenarios there is the element of the unknown, the allure of learning something new, a language that teases my tongue with its rolling complexity, cooking with unique ingredients that might be hanging on a tree outside my window and most importantly relating to people who think in a way that invites stretching with curiosity to truly understand. I am talking about foreign investment.

It’s the same way I view relationship really. The excitement and the challenge are directly linked to the sensation of expanding beyond my comfort zone…whether it’s my views intellectually or my heart emotionally or my body physically. The unknown, which to me is an essential element in living large, holds risks.

Without the risk factor we are living in comfortable boxes of habit and familiarity and while I can adore the sensation of sinking into a cozy arm chair that has held me for years as I read by the fire I also LOVE entering new territory where I am unable to exist in a twilight state, everything about it calls me to be vibrantly awake. I am committed to this state no matter what, using every opportunity, event or struggle to live boldly as love would regardless of whether I am in a foreign land or a relationship. And it seems to only increase the variables if you are joined by other collaborators.

When a co-conspirator joins the dance, the possibilities of new experiences double….triple…quadruple….and so do the challenges. That is where the growth really is, in staying centered in Self and connected to Other, always willing to stretch to understand their reality as much as one’s own. Buns and I enter this playing field frequently.

Even with so much similarity in our perception the electricity can fly. The key is to stay connected long enough so that what the reactivity is really about will arise and as long as you are facing inward it will. Reactivity is truly an inside job, an activation of something that happened in your past. Then sharing that revelation takes you another step into yourself since accountability will always do that.

Now if you are still connected and the other person meets you, receives…it feels like a kerplunk of the puzzle of deeper Self just drops into place. Feelings arise and we are home, whole and connected at the same time, a little preview of heaven. This lack of separation is the truth of our spiritual nature and we are practicing FEELING it in relationship especially when challenged.

So now let’s enter the arena of masculine and feminine polarity and how very differently those energies call to be honored.

I know I have alluded to it before in my Shall We Dance Post when I talked about the elements of the Tango that inspire me to open to relationship and I am sensing it again in myself…this longing, yearning, desire to NOT be the one in charge. It’s a slippery slope because in truth I am the only one who IS in charge, at least of my inner knowing and feelings and perceptions.

But the longing I refer to is from the most feminine core of me, to trust that a man who is living in his own purpose and with solid direction can open me to love more deeply that I can on my own. This is unknown territory for me and just as in foreign real estate I am drawn to imagining it…inviting it.

My life is full, I don’t NEED someone else to direct it, yet to truly surrender to the flow of the feminine inside me it is essential that I trust the masculine and let go of concern about direction. The river does not analyze the direction of its flow; all that matters is that it is in motion, a current of life force true to its own nature, true to itself.

The idea of placing my trust in another human being and saying I honor that your deepest wisdom will prevail, that you will ensure the direction is in alignment with our purpose and values while I surrender to the sacred water that swirls inside me…well that is still a concept that I have yet to live.

It frightens me as deeply as it calls me. At times I doubt my ability to do this; at times I doubt his ability to lead in a way that is clear, accountable and coming from his deepest core. I know lots of men who are leaders yet they have been taught by society that where they lead must conform to a successful social construct. That’s not what intrigues me.

I am interested in being led to unknown lands that I might not have thought of myself…IN MYSELF. I am not waiting for this in order to flow and inspire, I am fully committed to being the river because it is my true nature yet I know that the solid banks that hold the water, sometimes delicate and meandering, sometimes raging and powerful, are like strong loving arms that embrace me in both my gentle nurturing and my wild woman. And in order to offer this kind of holding, a man must know himself in a deep and meaningful way.

Below is a quote from David Deida, an author and teacher whose focus lands solidly around being true to one’s own nature, as well as letting that core truth guide one’s life and purpose. I love his perspective, and it informs my understanding of men and women. I have yet to surrender to the degree that he encourages a woman to do if she living true to her divine feminine.

I LOVE reading his take on men and how a man of purpose would relate to his woman. Fills me with butterflies of fear and excitement as well as a greater appreciation for true masculine presence. I think every man, young or old needs to read this book…women too since it will help you understand how we contribute to either inspiring or devastating romantic relationship.

From: The Way of the Superior Man

A Spiritual Guide to Mastering the Challenges of Women, Work, and Sexual Desire

“In any given moment, a man’s growth is optimized if he leans just beyond his edge, his capacity, his fear. He should not be too lazy, happily stagnating in the zone of security and comfort. Nor should he push himself unnecessarily, unable to metabolize his experience. He should lean just slightly beyond the edge of fear and discomfort. Constantly. In everything he does.”

Now this is a man I would trust! This man knows that neither fear nor reactivity is a call to stop, to fight or to flee, but rather a genuine invitation to radical Self inquiry and the challenge of penetrating his woman with Love.

Authentically yours,  Marty

Friday, March 18, 2011

Pilcrows and Philtra

Marty and I have decided to spend two days dastardly scheming about our future plans. We’ve gone from buying beachfront property in Merida, Mexico to buying an old, beat-up building in East Vancouver and turning it into a fabulous loft from which all manner of creations can emerge, to designing a women’s workshop to be offered in a villa in Provence.  Then it’s on to focusing on which of our scathingly brilliant ideas we should flesh out first.  Whew.  What a job.  What about our Buns & Marty business cards?  We’ve got pieces of paper strewn all over the kitchen table, numerous windows open on side-by-side laptops – next we’ll be tape recording our conversation so we don’t miss anything!  Oh and The Robert joins us via the Bluetooth/iPhone umbilical cord to be a part of it all as our technical director.  (I simply don’t know what I would do without that man!).

We are having fun.  And in the midst of it all, a plethora of learnings makes its way to the top of the heap.  We squirrel back and forth between the items on our “to do” list and find that there are all kinds of acorns (and hence, given time, trees). 

Part of what has prompted this weekend is a decision on my part to take a radical departure from what I have been doing for a living for the past eight years.  Yes.  It is time.  I must create anew.  But this does not come without challenges.  My fervent wish is to stay on track and not get seduced into a job that “feels” good and will serve to pay my mortgage and keep my banker happy.  No.  I want to be consciously engaged in something that allows me the opportunity to continue to evolve spiritually, mentally, emotionally, and physically on a day-to-day basis – not just when I’m at my Wednesday-night meditation classes.  So I’m working to reveal my next step.  Or should I say leap, with unfettered abandon and joy… into the abyss of the unknown.

For the record, there has been no wine involved.  We are cleansing, drinking lots of water, exercising, and it feels good.

BTW… one of my passions is reading – as in energy/aura reading.  While I love to do it in person, it is possible to do it over the phone. I am offering a 45-minute reading to the person with the most creative use of the words “pilcrow” and “philtra” in one sentence.  

Authentically yours,


P.S.  I need help.... what am I going to do for Marty's dinner party that takes me to my edge?  Anyone?

Sunday, March 6, 2011

Red Light Means GO!

WHAT! Are you hearing horns honking as you plow through intersections…ok, thats not what I meant. In a dangerous situation where the wise criteria clearly calls for stopping it’s a no brainer, but what about those areas of your life where you stop simply because you feel afraid or contracted, out of your comfort zone or simply unsure of how to navigate. If screeching to a halt when you are intimidated or uncomfortable is your habitual response, avoiding the situation or person by coming up with reasons not to step forward then you may want to join me in deciphering the difference between a healthy risk that stretches you to be more of who you really are and playing it safe.
To me playing it safe would be akin to a highway, if not to hell, then to a state of boredom. When people say they are bored I wonder how much of a risk they are taking with themselves. Boredom has very little to do with the situation or the person you are interacting with, if you are bored I will lay money you are playing it safe in terms of your personal risk level. We do that, don’t we? Have an experience and then try to explain it by what is in front of us.

I am saying the explanation AND the solution lies inside of self, no matter what the external circumstances.

So following the direction that red light means go is a way of challenging oneself to go further than well worn habits of defense and protectiveness. Really why would one stop at the opportunity to have a new exciting experience? How can you tell the difference between exciting and scary? It feels the same in the body. What makes the difference is what you tell yourself about the situation or person you are experiencing.
As you know I am on- line dating. That calls for a certain level of discernment yet taken too far a person could get stuck never leaving the computer. Red flags are red flags. Lying, aggression, temper tantrums, irresponsible behavior those are obvious warning signs but what about the more subtle clues. How do you know when a flag means stop, walk away from the date or go… stretch and challenge your perception.
I am communicating with someone now who is intriguing in an intellectual way. I respect the faith and certainty he has in himself and I’m curious about how he thinks, yet this is a person who has not done any personal development in the formal sense. He has never read a book on metaphysics or practiced the art of self inquiry...he says. And I of course am devoted to shining a light and illuminating every dark corner in my psyche. Is this a flag that we would never match or an opportunity to stretch and learn about a way of being that is just different than my own?
Jury is still out. But when he talks about getting together and says let’s NOT do the typical coffee date, let’s do something different…whoo who…I am listening. Different is my middle name. So we are percolating about what that could look like.
For a first meeting, here is my thought so far. He flies in by sea plane and comes to a dinner party at my place. The kicker is we would not be the only two meeting for the first time. Fun? I am setting up two girlfriends, as well as thinking of adding another couple who will meet for the first time over dinner.
The common factor here besides the sharing of great wine and creative sensual food is the invitation for all present to take a risk outside of their comfort zone. And me being me, I am thinking of ways to stir that pot, maybe by having a dish of questions that we each pick from and answer during the meal. Light and breezy ice breakers with a glass of Merlot…ha, not likely. Now here is where Van Isle, yes that is what we will call him, gets extra points. He says lets all wear masks. Masks? Do you see why I am intrigued by this guy’s head? However…I think people often do wear masks and my goal is always to transparency and the encouragement to take them off. Still I am giving him points for thinking outside of the box.
And Buns now we come to you. What would be a risky thing for Buns that night? We are mulling it. I had a hit that she could invite a stranger off the street, that could be risky. Yeah for me since it’s at my place….mmmm…ok, maybe not so much.
We need help on this one.
So if anyone has a thought about what Buns could do that might be pushing her envelope at this Blind Date Dinner Party, let us know. In the meantime I am saying yes even as some red lights flash. Maybe they are just amber and maybe they are green. At the moment red means go….if I don’t take the risk I will never know. Plus any opportunity for momentary madness spells adventure and that’s something I am not walking away from.