Saturday, March 26, 2011

Honoring Love's Intelligence

I have been bitten by the real estate bug. On some days it’s the warm, foreign, cobble stone streets of an ancient city, kind of bug. On other days it’s the sound of surf and smell of night blooming jasmine that lulls me to deepen my inhale and imagine. And always I am writing and sipping on some local concoction, interacting with the sun.

In all the scenarios there is the element of the unknown, the allure of learning something new, a language that teases my tongue with its rolling complexity, cooking with unique ingredients that might be hanging on a tree outside my window and most importantly relating to people who think in a way that invites stretching with curiosity to truly understand. I am talking about foreign investment.

It’s the same way I view relationship really. The excitement and the challenge are directly linked to the sensation of expanding beyond my comfort zone…whether it’s my views intellectually or my heart emotionally or my body physically. The unknown, which to me is an essential element in living large, holds risks.

Without the risk factor we are living in comfortable boxes of habit and familiarity and while I can adore the sensation of sinking into a cozy arm chair that has held me for years as I read by the fire I also LOVE entering new territory where I am unable to exist in a twilight state, everything about it calls me to be vibrantly awake. I am committed to this state no matter what, using every opportunity, event or struggle to live boldly as love would regardless of whether I am in a foreign land or a relationship. And it seems to only increase the variables if you are joined by other collaborators.

When a co-conspirator joins the dance, the possibilities of new experiences double….triple…quadruple….and so do the challenges. That is where the growth really is, in staying centered in Self and connected to Other, always willing to stretch to understand their reality as much as one’s own. Buns and I enter this playing field frequently.

Even with so much similarity in our perception the electricity can fly. The key is to stay connected long enough so that what the reactivity is really about will arise and as long as you are facing inward it will. Reactivity is truly an inside job, an activation of something that happened in your past. Then sharing that revelation takes you another step into yourself since accountability will always do that.

Now if you are still connected and the other person meets you, receives…it feels like a kerplunk of the puzzle of deeper Self just drops into place. Feelings arise and we are home, whole and connected at the same time, a little preview of heaven. This lack of separation is the truth of our spiritual nature and we are practicing FEELING it in relationship especially when challenged.

So now let’s enter the arena of masculine and feminine polarity and how very differently those energies call to be honored.

I know I have alluded to it before in my Shall We Dance Post when I talked about the elements of the Tango that inspire me to open to relationship and I am sensing it again in myself…this longing, yearning, desire to NOT be the one in charge. It’s a slippery slope because in truth I am the only one who IS in charge, at least of my inner knowing and feelings and perceptions.

But the longing I refer to is from the most feminine core of me, to trust that a man who is living in his own purpose and with solid direction can open me to love more deeply that I can on my own. This is unknown territory for me and just as in foreign real estate I am drawn to imagining it…inviting it.

My life is full, I don’t NEED someone else to direct it, yet to truly surrender to the flow of the feminine inside me it is essential that I trust the masculine and let go of concern about direction. The river does not analyze the direction of its flow; all that matters is that it is in motion, a current of life force true to its own nature, true to itself.

The idea of placing my trust in another human being and saying I honor that your deepest wisdom will prevail, that you will ensure the direction is in alignment with our purpose and values while I surrender to the sacred water that swirls inside me…well that is still a concept that I have yet to live.

It frightens me as deeply as it calls me. At times I doubt my ability to do this; at times I doubt his ability to lead in a way that is clear, accountable and coming from his deepest core. I know lots of men who are leaders yet they have been taught by society that where they lead must conform to a successful social construct. That’s not what intrigues me.

I am interested in being led to unknown lands that I might not have thought of myself…IN MYSELF. I am not waiting for this in order to flow and inspire, I am fully committed to being the river because it is my true nature yet I know that the solid banks that hold the water, sometimes delicate and meandering, sometimes raging and powerful, are like strong loving arms that embrace me in both my gentle nurturing and my wild woman. And in order to offer this kind of holding, a man must know himself in a deep and meaningful way.

Below is a quote from David Deida, an author and teacher whose focus lands solidly around being true to one’s own nature, as well as letting that core truth guide one’s life and purpose. I love his perspective, and it informs my understanding of men and women. I have yet to surrender to the degree that he encourages a woman to do if she living true to her divine feminine.

I LOVE reading his take on men and how a man of purpose would relate to his woman. Fills me with butterflies of fear and excitement as well as a greater appreciation for true masculine presence. I think every man, young or old needs to read this book…women too since it will help you understand how we contribute to either inspiring or devastating romantic relationship.

From: The Way of the Superior Man

A Spiritual Guide to Mastering the Challenges of Women, Work, and Sexual Desire

“In any given moment, a man’s growth is optimized if he leans just beyond his edge, his capacity, his fear. He should not be too lazy, happily stagnating in the zone of security and comfort. Nor should he push himself unnecessarily, unable to metabolize his experience. He should lean just slightly beyond the edge of fear and discomfort. Constantly. In everything he does.”

Now this is a man I would trust! This man knows that neither fear nor reactivity is a call to stop, to fight or to flee, but rather a genuine invitation to radical Self inquiry and the challenge of penetrating his woman with Love.

Authentically yours,  Marty

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