Sunday, March 6, 2011

Red Light Means GO!

WHAT! Are you hearing horns honking as you plow through intersections…ok, thats not what I meant. In a dangerous situation where the wise criteria clearly calls for stopping it’s a no brainer, but what about those areas of your life where you stop simply because you feel afraid or contracted, out of your comfort zone or simply unsure of how to navigate. If screeching to a halt when you are intimidated or uncomfortable is your habitual response, avoiding the situation or person by coming up with reasons not to step forward then you may want to join me in deciphering the difference between a healthy risk that stretches you to be more of who you really are and playing it safe.
To me playing it safe would be akin to a highway, if not to hell, then to a state of boredom. When people say they are bored I wonder how much of a risk they are taking with themselves. Boredom has very little to do with the situation or the person you are interacting with, if you are bored I will lay money you are playing it safe in terms of your personal risk level. We do that, don’t we? Have an experience and then try to explain it by what is in front of us.

I am saying the explanation AND the solution lies inside of self, no matter what the external circumstances.

So following the direction that red light means go is a way of challenging oneself to go further than well worn habits of defense and protectiveness. Really why would one stop at the opportunity to have a new exciting experience? How can you tell the difference between exciting and scary? It feels the same in the body. What makes the difference is what you tell yourself about the situation or person you are experiencing.
As you know I am on- line dating. That calls for a certain level of discernment yet taken too far a person could get stuck never leaving the computer. Red flags are red flags. Lying, aggression, temper tantrums, irresponsible behavior those are obvious warning signs but what about the more subtle clues. How do you know when a flag means stop, walk away from the date or go… stretch and challenge your perception.
I am communicating with someone now who is intriguing in an intellectual way. I respect the faith and certainty he has in himself and I’m curious about how he thinks, yet this is a person who has not done any personal development in the formal sense. He has never read a book on metaphysics or practiced the art of self inquiry...he says. And I of course am devoted to shining a light and illuminating every dark corner in my psyche. Is this a flag that we would never match or an opportunity to stretch and learn about a way of being that is just different than my own?
Jury is still out. But when he talks about getting together and says let’s NOT do the typical coffee date, let’s do something different…whoo who…I am listening. Different is my middle name. So we are percolating about what that could look like.
For a first meeting, here is my thought so far. He flies in by sea plane and comes to a dinner party at my place. The kicker is we would not be the only two meeting for the first time. Fun? I am setting up two girlfriends, as well as thinking of adding another couple who will meet for the first time over dinner.
The common factor here besides the sharing of great wine and creative sensual food is the invitation for all present to take a risk outside of their comfort zone. And me being me, I am thinking of ways to stir that pot, maybe by having a dish of questions that we each pick from and answer during the meal. Light and breezy ice breakers with a glass of Merlot…ha, not likely. Now here is where Van Isle, yes that is what we will call him, gets extra points. He says lets all wear masks. Masks? Do you see why I am intrigued by this guy’s head? However…I think people often do wear masks and my goal is always to transparency and the encouragement to take them off. Still I am giving him points for thinking outside of the box.
And Buns now we come to you. What would be a risky thing for Buns that night? We are mulling it. I had a hit that she could invite a stranger off the street, that could be risky. Yeah for me since it’s at my place….mmmm…ok, maybe not so much.
We need help on this one.
So if anyone has a thought about what Buns could do that might be pushing her envelope at this Blind Date Dinner Party, let us know. In the meantime I am saying yes even as some red lights flash. Maybe they are just amber and maybe they are green. At the moment red means go….if I don’t take the risk I will never know. Plus any opportunity for momentary madness spells adventure and that’s something I am not walking away from.

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