Saturday, April 9, 2011

Post Party Musings

“Cowardice asks the question: is it safe? Expediency asks the question: is it political? Vanity asks the question: is it popular? But conscience asks the question: is it right? And there comes a time when one must take a position that is neither safe, nor political nor popular, but one must take it simply because it is right.”
Martin Luther King

I am touched by these words today. They invite me to open, to reflect, and to ponder which lens I most look through when living my life. Buns and I have both written about our commitment to authenticity and in that context I would like to add one more question to the brilliant Mr. King’s words. (Yes I know, how arrogant, but I somehow think he would not really mind being an inspiration, a conduit to conscious thinking.)

The question I ask myself to determine what I say or do in this world, in relationship is: is it real?
And that opens up a whole subjective exploration around reality and one’s criteria to determine what is real.

I reflect back to last week’s Blind Date Dinner Party and the sheer joy of it. What excited me so much was how just the invitation to experience the senses fully, without the stimulus of sight, increased our awareness of the present moment tenfold. Whether it was E and J’s harmonious voices merged in one solid heartbeat that transported us to the dark forests of Slavic Europe or the Tall Drink of Water's didgeridoo of a throat, humming us onto the peaks of the Himalayas…our relationship with sound became achingly more sensitive, more connected with feelings. And taste, smell and touch evoked a similar heightened sense of awareness and acuity.

So this to me is real!

It is present time, not meandering between past and future but smack dab right in the breath, in the body and in the now!

That is the definition of consciousness is it not? Alive, vibrant, open, curious and rich in sensation.
This is the same frequency that I evoke into a relationship. Imagine it… Conscious relationship and all that entails… where every touch speaks as loudly as words and with as much meaning and understanding both in the sender and the receiver.

For me this exchange is a call to bliss, and it would include sharing anything and everything that arises which normally would prevent one from feeling such pure flow, such interdependence.

There is no judgment or evaluation in this model, only an acceptance and movement toward what is… not what you want to maneuver the moment to be… BUT WHAT IS!

That would include sadness, anger, contraction, and resistance... all welcomed equally with the trust that inherent in breathing into all feelings they shift and dissolve and transform into something REAL … into an experience of Self and Other that is free and connected at the same time.

I have said it before and I repeat it often to keep reminding myself of the course I am committed to, the path back home to myself and to living authentically… real is not the self creation of pretty presentations… real is an offering of transparency and revealing of what is, pretty or not, in the present moment.

That’s what we did at the dinner party. Moment by moment, blindfolds in hand, we experienced each other as a group at our core. People’s ability to go deep will vary but when the intention is set for revealing, something magical happens and it is as satisfying as a five-course meal… more so... The sharing of our soul’s imagery is filling…it’s nurturing…it’s darn right sexy.

So for me Mr. King’s question: is it right, is the foundation to stand on, to anchor in as a human having a human experience. I am not interested in sensuality simply for sensuality’s sake. Hedonism, while loads of fun, without a solid connection to ‘what is right’ can easily shift into self-serving chaos.

Checking if something is right, which means in alignment with one’s core values, keeps one’s choices on course with something far bigger and deeper than obedience to the question, does it feel good?
Clear focus of ‘what the experience is for’ is a companion that gives purpose to one’s journey. Without purpose, sensation can get stale and redundant, with it, one invites the depths of one’s soul to resonate in a human exchange, to be legitimately seen and received. Then the focus can shift from what one is getting to what one is giving.

Far beyond hedonistic sensation this level of depth actually requires asking: what is real? The question itself calls for self inquiry and the use of a different skill set than the eyes we use to see outwardly. For the soul to flourish and offer up its secrets, its purpose, its spiritual delights…its LOVE…only inner sight, inner sensation and listening to a deeper more Core part of self is needed. This Core part of you (or as Buns calls it your Essential Self) is spirit, it is love, it is joy. And all the parts of you that may not feel like that are simply stepping stones to your Core.

This way of perceiving, of dancing with Self and others is deep AND it can be fun! The next REAL dinner party is already in the works. You can show up as you are… flawed and human…full of contradictions and keep revealing until you hit the center of yourself. Then give it… without apology… offer it to the world and risk having a deep experience of knowing and being known.

Authentically Yours

P.S. My gift to the group at the dinner party involved scent. I had 3 oils, one a coconut oil infused with the rare Tiare flower from Tahiti ( I love to anoint my skin with it after steamy hot baths). The other 2 were natural scents made by Pure Attar Luxurious Oils: Oil of Damascus with cloves and sweet orange and Tunisian Nights with sandalwood and rose. (Most of the men picked that scent.) Each person inhaled their favorite and as it soaked into their skin, warmed by touch, it evoked an inner journey of the senses. Remember they were blindfolded. Stories unfolded of tender moments with loved ones, brilliant kaleidoscopes of images from exotic locations and still silent depth that offered a pause, a soft place to rest in inhalation. The oils were given to me by Jennifer at Pure Attar, who made them and offered them for my New Year's rendezvous with Chicago. (Still sad at times that he missed that boat.) I saved them until now wanting to honor the pleasure of their delicacies with a real moment in time.

You can order them from

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