I Can't Think Straight!

Pride weekend is a time of pure unadulterated, playful joy.

Everyone seems far more inclined to smile and say hello, genuinely engage in connection and live in a spirit of frivolity.  For me, being surrounded by people declaring their right to be themselves is like an accelerant that sparks lively conversation and passionate expression.

And to top it all off there are fireworks…collective enjoyment of exploding colors and sound…mmmm…I get turned on by it all. It’s like a volcano of excitement bubbles up in me the whole time. And where else can you see such a plethora of chiseled abs un-retouched by Photoshop!
My friend Jewel and I attend the parade every year wearing matching bedazzled cowboy hats (it’s the only time of year my ‘inner fashion police’ allows me to match). We dance at the beach tents after, in a mosh pit of high energy communion. Well maybe we do more than attend…we PARTICIPATE! Sometimes we dive into the ocean to cool off.  Always, we applaud loudest for the men in Olympian high heeled stilettos as they march down Robson St amidst the cheering fans, this year totaling 640,000.
As you may have gathered, on this blog I share what is currently in my heart or happening in my life. That at times includes my friends and while not all like to be written about, I think if you are pals with a writer it just comes with the territory... as long as you change names to maintain anonymity. With that caveat in mind, Charisma joined us this year. We made her buy a cowboy hat too and are thinking of creating a Pride Tribe, just need a wacky name for our playfully dedicated troop of wayfarers. Of course we are always discussing how to add to our brilliance and have decided that next year we need black corsets and combat boots with flowing lace skirts. I would love to add some black angel wings as well just to get in the mood of temptress but then there is the same dilemma of what to do with those billowy plumes when entering the dance floor ( other than poke someone’s eye out). Charisma already had that problem as she maneuvered the crowd with two Pride flags jutting out of her shoulders like fluttering rainbow wings….with sharp points on the end)

Every year my neighbors decorate the sidewalk in front of our building with rattan lounge chairs, huge straw Palapa umbrellas, coffee tables, potted plants and full size BBQ.  Drinks and appetizers are served and the atmosphere is carnival festive.  We 3 never sat down! Dancing during the entire 2 and a half hour parade was not only a workout but an exercise in fanning the flames of pure unadulterated enthusiasm. A new man (who I meet on Wednesday for the first time, hopefully at a sea side dinner by the outdoor fireplace at Dockside) suggested last week that the currency of exchange between people could become enthusiasm rather than money. If that was how we lived I would truly be a billionaire! And Sunday would have been the day we made our millions. Not to mention new friends, as Jewel teased the clearly straight police man who was working the crowd maintaining order. She softly inquired about his handcuffs and suggestions abounded about putting them to good use. Hey, it’s just that kind of day!
Post parade cocktails are part of the tradition, so after frozen margaritas we followed the music down to the water and into the thickest part of the crowd. There, men and women, gay and straight danced with abandon. It was easy to find yet another friend who had been spinning music on one of the parade's floats, her hot pink boa waving in the shimmering heat. As I watched the dance move her from the inside out, my heart flowed with pleasure and pride at her current day freedom with herself. It is a beautiful honor to witness someone you care about, release themselves.
I must say that the attention we tend to garner in this particular dance arena is always a tad inexplicable to me. Is it our glow, our radiant pleasure rippling out that impacts people? I really don’t know. All I can say is I have never had so many men adore me, tell me to never change, to always be the way I am and to keep shining. And yes, I wondered why heterosexual men don’t croon with the same appreciation!
We bumped and bounced and jumped with hip shaking fierceness, beaming smiles the entire time. I love this kind of freedom. No judgment, no evaluation, simply unconditional acceptance for everyone. Yes, yes, yes…I may be naïve. No doubt that is not all that was going on. But I have to tell you I choose to see this way and when I do, I fly with happiness. I feel connected and I feel our sameness as human beings, as spirits. I do love to bridge that gap between human and spirit. I think that is my calling!
I got a quote today from The Universe that comes daily into my inbox. It said “The great thing about feeling deep, profound, earth shaking love is that you can start with anyone.”
Can you imagine if you lived your life looking through a filter, through eyes that knew that statement to be true? I stay committed to this choice.  And it’s in these times that I can’t think straight.  I FEEL.

Authentically Yours,
Marty

New Year Grace

I think I said a few posts ago that DESIRE TRUMPS FEAR. As a soul carver committed to chiseling away at my armor in order to live authentically, transparently and joyfully it is essential that my desire leads to inspired action. That old adage, talk is cheap is ringing loud this New Years.
Here is how it works. You set a goal…a goal that fills you with fantastic feelings just thinking about it. You act as if it is already true, that you already have what you say you want and that in return invites more of that same experience (since in effect you do already have the ability to experience the state you desire RIGHT NOW). So as Buns has said we rang in our New Year in sensual luxury, in abundance, in friendship and authenticity at The Sorrento, a lovely European feeling boutique hotel reminiscent of an Italian villa. www.hotelsorrento.com

……minus Chicago. Did I hear a loud groan from the gallery? You should have heard the sounds in my head when he sent a text saying that he had missed his morning flight to Seattle and was on standby.
Buns, The Robert and I had a glorious sunny day at Pike Market in Seattle shopping for prosciutto, cheeses and crusty bread for our evening feast. We chatted with shoppers connecting over olive choices, “stuffed with anchovy or blue cheese?... hell let’s get both”….beautiful wines and many other delectables that fulfilled the whimsy of having whatever we wanted. A fondue set was purchased for dipping fruits in heavenly chocolate and The Robert and I stood in line for homemade mini donuts exploding with chewy warmth as they hit your tongue. I knew we couldn’t wait…rich dark coffee was ordered immediately so the taste testing could begin! I was filled with a deep sense of gratitude and appreciation for all of life’s pleasures and the sheer joy of good company and laughter…of being so fully alive. The Robert is a funny guy in a dry zinger kind of way. We tried to talk him into buying a hat; he would have none of it although he did insist on trying one on that made him resemble the Mad Hatter from Alice. Most importantly though The Robert is kind, that quality is foremost and was so appreciated especially as the reality that Chicago was not getting on flight after standby flight.

Finally the text came that Chicago had given up, I had still held out hope having cast him in some Errol Flynn role where no obstacle would have stopped him from his intended arrival….and now it was done.

That was my choice point, the moment of decision, inspired action or let Chicago’s choices impact and derail me? Do I stay true and connected to my own desire and light or believe I am Alice falling down the rabbit hole of confusion. It was the Eve of a New Year…I chose to do a Grace Kelly. I use the words ‘Grace Kelly’ as a verb….to act with grace, authentic soft vulnerability, healthy pride and an eye on the positive, taking the high road whenever presented with obstacles.
I headed for the bath. Water is always my first line of response whenever I feel overwhelmed. I need to get clear and soaking in a huge old world bathroom surrounded by pristine snow white marble, sipping Pellegrino is a Grace Kelly way of doing it. I pulled my energy back into myself and grounded…then I dressed up. See that’s the inspired action part, what you do IS important. You can have all the greatest desires or intentions and if your actions are not in alignment with them nothing will shift or materialize. My actions were in line with my commitment, my values of joy and fun and while I did not understand what all this chaos with Chicago was for I trusted that if I stayed true to myself the information would become clear.

So I donned my tiara (no for real, not metaphoric) wearing a tiara reminds me of celebration. I put on my most sparkly bling, adorned myself with the love and care I so desired.
Then we set decked the room with scented candles, red sheer cloth and bouquets of white tulips. Rocks we had bought earlier from an artist at the market completed the tableau, my favorite read Carpe Noctem (seize the night) AND SO WE DID. The Robert and Buns and I laughed and cried and flowed, as did the music and wine. Ok, disclaimer… the Robert did NOT cry but he did say to me more than a few times when I started to spiral down the rabbit hole ” Snap out of it” His wit was valued. Their generosity of spirit both in receiving me and sharing their love was much appreciated. I felt blessed.
And when midnight rolled around and we had ventured down to the fireside lounge to listen to the 1930’s inspired band Rosie and The Percolators croon Auld Lang Syne I gave thanks for a year gone by of growth and learning and blossoming friendships. I did feel sad for a moment. That song always makes me cry and since we are remembering the past 365 days of the year that actually seems ok to me. Some of the things that transpired were sad.

And this year I invite passion…even more passion. I will continue to take risks, exposing everything that might block my heart from feeling the warmth of the love that is ever present. I will have lots of Grace Kelly moments.

As for dating, and Chicago ...


I have asked for what I needed…the ball is in his court, the challenge is his to step up and demonstrate actions in alignment with his professed values…or not. I only know that waiting is not what I am here to do. I will live this year in passionate connection in each moment, with myself, with my friends, with work and with each human encounter that presents itself. I keep on saying YES. BRING IT!

And to all of you…..From Buns and Marty we wish you a Graceful, Shiny, Bold and Bedazzled 2011.

Newsflash: The Be-dazzler IS making a comeback.