Capital “T” Truth

I can’t believe where my brain can take me if I just let it take over and do the driving.  Here I am, at the height of excitement about having manifested a self-contained little cottage (within walking distance of work), tenants for my condo (against all odds), and some interesting diversities that my store can incorporate to help out during the shoulder seasons.  In short, life is grand and the future looks rosy.

So now, down to business. I fire off an email to my future tenants, asking them if they would like me to leave them some dishes and other paraphernalia – they are a young couple just starting out and I have lots of extras.  I don’t hear from them for five days.  I have already started moving my stuff to my cottage.  I have committed to a lease.  My brain suddenly jumps into the driver’s seat and starts heading down the road of “they haven’t called back because they’ve decided not to rent your condo and they are afraid to tell you”.  I, now firmly established as a mere passenger, allow this to be the direction of my thoughts. There were a few moments where I recognized that these were exactly that – just thoughts, and that I really didn’t know what was going on in their world.  But for the most part, I was allowing this to be the destination.

And then I snapped out of it.  What I came to was this.  There was possibly some truth in this.  It could actually be that these two had come up against some insurmountable obstacle and had changed their minds about moving.  But rather than arguing with this possible reality, I began to sit with “so if it were true, what would I do?” And this was interesting.  It turned my worst fear into an opportunity to be creative about my next steps.  It became less fearful.  I made friends with the worst-case scenario. And all throughout this process, this little voice kept saying, “yes, this is what you need to do – and if you do it right, it will all work out”.  But I also knew in my heart of hearts, that this wasn’t quite it either.  Was the point of all this to manipulate the unknown in my thoughts so that I could make it turn out in my favour? 

No.  Not quite.  What I came to realize was that the point was to go through this process genuinely and actually be okay with whatever happened.  Not to do this so it would work out according to what I wanted.  But to surrender, submit, (and yes, both those words have charge for me), and lean into the comfort, strength, and absolute reliability of capital “T” truth.  This may sound like small potatoes to you, but for me, it was incredibly liberating.

Now I’m like a kid with a new toy.  I am finding all sorts of ways to play with this.  I have such gratitude for my teachers who have been sharing this with me for over ten years.  I know.  I know.  It takes a while to sink in.  Thank you. 

Oh, and by the way, my tenants emailed me at 2 o’clock this morning apologizing for not being in touch.  They had had an incredibly busy week, but were looking forward with great excitement to moving in to my place.  And I’m okay with that too.

Authentically yours,

Buns