Sunday, October 2, 2011


YES is such a powerful word. Yes is movement, affirmation, invitation. Yes is a promise to hope and open to possibility….even and especially, when you are stepping into the unknown. Yes is a demonstration of faith that there is inherent good in every choice if you fully embrace its learnings.

I am noticing that as I make space in myself by allowing emotions and revelations to arise, as I, without judgment release them, invitations present themselves in front of me, fluttering like flags. They are not solid opportunities to co-create until I say YES. That is the interesting part to me.

If you allow your mind to dictate what you say yes to, you could get paralyzed in the fear of not knowing all the steps. Ego mind loves to know the steps in advance. If you listen to the heart, say yes based on desire, then you are called to take one step at a time, each appearing only after you have stepped into the next new spot. It’s like the view changes as you move forward and you can only see your next choice of possibility clearly, from that new vantage point.

So here I am with my focus on how to express all my gifts, to ripple them out into the world, to co-create fulfilling possibilities that not only generate excitement but income as well and I can only hear the word YES.
Yes to trusting people, yes to trusting myself, yes to trusting that what I have to give will be received by those who are wanting to receive it and yes even to the fear or feelings that are uncomfortable. I know this all sounds very vague but for me it’s real. I promise to supply more details as what I am saying yes to moves into concrete form. For the moment I wanted to share the awareness around how it makes me feel to be stretching beyond my comfort zone in my professional work.

I have posted a lot about doing this personally and it’s so clear to me that I can no longer separate the personal from the professional. I am called to relate to people that I am to work with in the same vein that I relate to friends or lovers….sharing depth of spirit, values and vision.

Yikes…the plot grows thicker. While to my ego mind it may seem that I am really narrowing my playing field in this attempt at such precise mutuality, to my heart and soul it is a liquid honey.
 Surrounding oneself with a like minded tribe committed to a similar path only makes sense, at least  if I am to feel ‘the whole is greater than the sum of its parts.’ And oh, I so love to feel that. Whether it’s two people in intimacy stretching for a glimpse of divine union or a group of co-workers who agree to live with radical honesty in both professional and personal situations, the desire for this depth of connection and integrity fills my every cell.

Feeling the WE is so exciting to me!

I am currently working with a part in myself I am not so crazy about. I was talking to Buns a few weeks ago about it, tracking my judgment of this energy in me and she asked about my father. The feeling in me is a kind of sharp toned urgency when I am late or feeling responsible for many details, many people, as if the fate of the world is on my shoulders. In those moments my tone can be abrupt and hold an almost military ‘listen up ‘ kind of quality. Now it is great skill when called for. It is what allows me to pull together a crowd and hold space for hundreds of people. And it’s totally fantastic when there is a crisis or state of emergency. I have no problem leading and I can lead big but there are moments when this skill kicks in and I begin to organize people and it’s entirely NOT necessary.

 My dad had a short fuse, a loud booming voice that scared people and often even made them cry. I was always determined to never be like that. I have always said to those closest to me, that one of the most important things for me is that they know I would NEVER hurt them on purpose. And now, here I was in touch with how my version of that same energy that was in my dad was impacting people in my life. It wasn’t pretty and yet I would never understand the energy in me if I didn’t understand it in him!
 Here is the cool thing about revelations, once you connect the dots and the light goes on, it’s like a ton of information floods in. As a deep sadness welled up in me I saw my dad in the war, 16 years old, just a kid really and he was in a state of crisis…panic. His buddies were racing ahead as bullets rained on them. They were to move as a unit, Dad tried to gather up equipment, he lagged behind.
They died, he didn’t.

The psyche is a wonderful thing. It will create a guard, a defense to ensure you never feel the pain of the original wounding. In my dad’s story his feelings would have been helplessness…powerlessness…guilt, all based on a sense of failure and ultimately a belief that he was somehow responsible. He created a guard that sounded like a dictator to keep things and people in check, in order to never feel those feelings again.  My dad died years ago yet the feelings live on…in me!

Those same feelings are wired into my body memory. That’s how it goes. The losses that our family does not feel and grieve and heal are systemically transmitted to future generations. This can go back one generation or several, all the way to ancient ancestors. If you do not grieve fully your losses, they will be passed on.

The value of opening to this knowledge is that when you do, you can feel what they could not and actually stop the defense pattern from being passed on. The defense pattern here was that sharp barking voice telling people what to do. I thought my dad was mean and a rage-aholic. I could feel now what was driving that defensive posture. I felt such compassion for him.  That was huge for me. Understanding and forgiving my dad, loving the helplessness in me and forgiving myself, knowing it was not at all who I was but rather what I was carrying, created such space inside me, I felt serenely emptied. A deep kind of peace.

Allow everything inside to come up, feel everything, forgive it all and let go…YES.

And now all these very cool opportunities are appearing waiting for the word to come in.
My yes comes with an anchor to MY essence and values.

I know as I let go of old wiring, ancestral wiring, I create space for magnificent possibilities. I can choose what to replace the old program with. And I continue to learn to love a part of me that holds this feeling of helplessness. I am not quite finished but I don’t have to hide it from myself any longer.

Helplessness and powerlessness are not a sign of weakness. Feeling those feelings is one of the strongest things I have ever done. I am feeling what my dad could not, and I gratefully let it all go with ease.


Authentically Yours,


  1. Fantastic Marty! One of my favourite quotes is "For all that has been, thanks. For all that will be, YES." Dag Hammarskjold
    Love Buns

  2. ancestral wiring - a resounding yes!