Sunday, April 22, 2012

Spiritual Fitness

I am in the midst of a spring cleanup. It started with closets, led to my office where Buns generously shared her handyman skills assembling lacquer shelving while I crumpled paper into mounds of ink scarred snow. Honestly, that project is still in process as I confess to stuffing years of accumulated knowledge that hasn’t made it yet to my computer into piles, now hidden discreetly behind sleek shiny ruby red cupboards. As smooth as the skin of a bright red Ferrari, it gives me enormous pleasure every time I enter the space.

 The computer is still on my list. I need to clear it out, delete the redundant and complete the various projects filed under such headers as Creative and Business Plans. They all seem to carry a familiar thread of putting into form many spiritual concepts to be experienced in the body via workshops and my slow moving book with the working title of How To Turn Finding The One Into Finding Yourself.

And then my body. After our trip to Hawaii in January and Playa del Carmen in February I was in serious need of cleansing. The Mahi Mahi burgers,  are a must to try if ever in Maui.  
And Playa’s variety of designer Tequilla was too good to pass on, so now its bye bye caffeine, (mostly) bye carbs, (mostly) hello power walking, yoga and Isagenix shakes filled with natural nutrients that help release toxins. Amazing whole body cleansing system you have to check out!

 I am being filled and nurtured with goodness and care and yet I am also feeling murky uncomfortable feelings often without content. It’s not that I couldn’t find content to explain them it’s that the desire to do so is gone.

So what is left to clear? Oh yes….opening to the next step of spiritual evolution. Perhaps the very reason that my feelings make no sense. I am integrating even more deeply the knowing that nothing ever happens to me but rather happens for me. I think this is always the truth it’s just sometimes more difficult to remember when our human hurts are activated. And those hurts will always be a factor as long as we are in a human body.

That’s why those claiming they are enlightened and never reactive hold very little interest for me. I am far more fascinated with how to translate the spiritual into the human, especially when activated, than I am in breathing past it. Ignoring it does not make it go away, it only increases the energy it takes to keep it at bay until the next external circumstance appears and cooperating with this unfinished human business, gives you a whack.
 So yes I am feeling wacked but I KNOW it’s not personal or content based. This is something that clearly invites me to grow into an even more authentic experience of my essence.

For the first time ever I said the words “I am opening to a teacher appearing in my life.”

 I understand that this request for a teacher is the first step to having one show up but truthfully I have not been drawn to this before. I have an aversion to following. I love learning and absorb and apply from many schools of knowledge but the idea of a human being leading me anywhere is not familiar. I do not resonate with it unless of course they lead me deeper into myself and my own answers.

For me to put this request out into the world I must let go of the form of this person. I open even to the possibility that it is not a person. Perhaps it’s a teacher plant, perhaps it’s a lover or a child or a dog…I don’t know, but the sense that it is time to work out and increase my spiritual fitness is in the air. Actually it’s in my body and it’s not a happy camper kind of feeling. It sucks. It’s a pain in my back…literally and it is as ineffable as the many profound experiences and concepts that seem so essentially incommunicable, like what is the soul, the meaning of life, birth and death.

Still, saying yes is my only option. I Google information on DMT which is called the spirit molecule. DMT is a psychedelic chemical naturally produced in the brain of every human being. It is also found in plants and has been used for centuries by shamans to journey for opening and teaching.

 “Let's think the unthinkable, let's do the undoable. Let us prepare to grapple with the ineffable itself, and see if we may not eff it after all.” said Douglas Adams in Dirk Gently's Hollistic Detective Agency.

We can only try. We can only try.

Still branded by yes,

Authentically Yours,

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