Wow. This has been an exciting couple of weeks! And I was very much anticipating writing my
post this morning to tell you all that has been happening. I had a gazillion wonderful things to talk
about, lots of witty little bon mots, great ideas for pictures, and zap! I woke up this morning and it felt like my
hard drive had been erased. Blank. Gone.
Nada.
So what’s going on? I
am in the middle of a wonderful little book, Shift Happens, by Dr.
Robert Holden. It is full of “essential
lessons and practices from the world’s leading coaching program on authentic success”. Of course, that’s right up my alley, anything
that fits into the self-improvement genre usually grabs my attention –
especially if it has been recommended by a friend. I got to a chapter that quite blew my mind. It said self improvement was
not the same as self acceptance. And
yes, I know, it seems like a no-brainer (pun intended) but seriously, I had never distinguished
between those two before. For years I
have been intensely interested in self-improvement, thinking that upon
“graduating”, I would receive my diploma in self acceptance. Wrong.
I am smack-dab in the middle of realizing that self acceptance is not
something you work towards, or do. It
is something you have. A state of
being. A direct connection with your
higher Self where acceptance isn’t even a question. I am gobsmacked. I’m reeling from this perspective. Oh, the possibilities of ease! The freedom
from self-recrimination! What! You mean
I can actually just have a relationship with moi that is wholesome, gentle, loving, where I’ve got my own
back? Where I am my biggest
cheerleader? OMG.
Yes. OMG. OMFG! If I can have this, then of course I can
have a relationship with another person with the same adjectives. And as the Universe would have it, I found
myself in a “relationship” class with my meditation group yesterday. (I really did not want to go but knew that my
“not wanting” was a signal that I needed to attend the class.) My history with these grad classes is that
whenever the topic was on relationship, I wouldn’t sign up. I didn’t want to find out what I was doing
wrong. I had pretty much closed the door
on opening up my heart (and life) to the possibility of being with anyone
again. I decided it was best for me to
just get bloody used to the idea that I would die alone and be okay with
that. I was quite happy to repress any
thoughts about wanting to be with someone. But all that came crumbling down
yesterday in our class. Throughout the day, the exercises and meditations led
me to a dénouement
of sorts, where I came into contact with my deep desire to be with
someone. It brought me to tears. It awakened a sweet yearning that I knew was
true. So I’m spending some time here
getting used to me. The real me.
I think what happened when I sat down to write this morning
is that I was shifting. From reverse, to
neutral, and now as I am talking to you, into first gear at least.
Yep. Shift happens.
Branded by the open road (and an open mind),
Buns xo
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