Sunday, June 17, 2012

The empty head and the open mind.

Wow. This has been an exciting couple of weeks!  And I was very much anticipating writing my post this morning to tell you all that has been happening.  I had a gazillion wonderful things to talk about, lots of witty little bon mots, great ideas for pictures, and zap!  I woke up this morning and it felt like my hard drive had been erased.  Blank.  Gone.  Nada.

So what’s going on?  I am in the middle of a wonderful little book, Shift Happens, by Dr. Robert Holden.  It is full of “essential lessons and practices from the world’s leading coaching program on authentic success”.  Of course, that’s right up my alley, anything that fits into the self-improvement genre usually grabs my attention – especially if it has been recommended by a friend.  I got to a chapter that quite blew my mind.  It said self improvement was not the same as self acceptance.  And yes, I know, it seems like a no-brainer (pun intended) but seriously, I had never distinguished between those two before.  For years I have been intensely interested in self-improvement, thinking that upon “graduating”, I would receive my diploma in self acceptance.   Wrong.  I am smack-dab in the middle of realizing that self acceptance is not something you work towards, or do.   It is something you have.  A state of being.  A direct connection with your higher Self where acceptance isn’t even a question.  I am gobsmacked.  I’m reeling from this perspective.  Oh, the possibilities of ease! The freedom from self-recrimination! What!  You mean I can actually just have a relationship with moi that is wholesome, gentle, loving, where I’ve got my own back?  Where I am my biggest cheerleader?  OMG.

Yes. OMG. OMFG! If I can have this, then of course I can have a relationship with another person with the same adjectives.  And as the Universe would have it, I found myself in a “relationship” class with my meditation group yesterday.  (I really did not want to go but knew that my “not wanting” was a signal that I needed to attend the class.)  My history with these grad classes is that whenever the topic was on relationship, I wouldn’t sign up.  I didn’t want to find out what I was doing wrong.  I had pretty much closed the door on opening up my heart (and life) to the possibility of being with anyone again.  I decided it was best for me to just get bloody used to the idea that I would die alone and be okay with that.  I was quite happy to repress any thoughts about wanting to be with someone. But all that came crumbling down yesterday in our class. Throughout the day, the exercises and meditations led me to a dénouement of sorts, where I came into contact with my deep desire to be with someone.  It brought me to tears.  It awakened a sweet yearning that I knew was true.  So I’m spending some time here getting used to me.  The real me.

I think what happened when I sat down to write this morning is that I was shifting.  From reverse, to neutral, and now as I am talking to you, into first gear at least.

Yep.  Shift happens.

Branded by the open road (and an open mind),

Buns xo

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