The Journey in Color

I am doing this very cool process where you enter the body, feel whatever is predominant and then just drop through to the next layer. This kind of work, is not new to me but the current attitude I am approaching it with, is. Rather than mining the feeling as it arises complete with story, ( which in the past I found helped me intensify the feeling) this time I just allow it, name it, notice where it lives in my body and drop through to what is underneath.

 My ego doesn’t like that. It wants to hang out so I can explore all the details. The thing is, without the story the process is so quick. It can be done anywhere, anytime in a matter of minutes.

This kind of exploration always brings awareness that the conscious mind could not have come up with. For instance a few days ago I found a very unfamiliar feeling in my body… jealousy. I have a history of female friends being jealous of me and while professing mad love, then betray me but I haven’t often felt it myself, in myself. This was exciting!

The jealous feeling occurred when I caught myself comparing and deemed lacking. Rather than milk the story, meaning focus on the content of the present, I instead felt the feeling, named it, and sensed where it lived in my body …and then dropped through. Underneath was sadness…then the next layer, confusion…then loss.

Suddenly a picture appears of being four years old. I was like a little doll that would get dressed up with matching outfits that my mother would create. Innovative, unusual and fashion forward, we were a pair until the day when my mom took me to a barber and my lovely locks got chopped. I ended up with a dreadful boys bowl cut and I felt ugly.

I compared myself to my beautiful mother and internalized a belief about my own worth that was just not true. That belief, just as all our beliefs then gets stored in our cellular memory and while one may recall snippets of childhood actually resurrecting the feeling state when the incorrect belief was stored in the cells, is imperative if you want to change it.

 I know this may sound like a little thing but what is amazing is that the process is the same whether you are uncovering a belief stored in the memory of a trauma or something as innocuous as a haircut.

People will often decide logically that a belief about themselves is not true and think that is enough and yet until we journey back to the event and its inherent feelings we do not actually change anything, only learn to over ride it. Overriding takes a lot of energy and frankly I would rather a few minutes of authentic feeling no matter how messy than a lifetime of repressing a belief that no longer serves me.

More free time for disco parties…yes disco! I just got back from an 8 year olds bash complete with laser show and afro wigs and headbands. Playing is ever so much fun!

Branded by the journey,

Authentically Yours,

Marty