Friday, July 27, 2012

Intoxicating Juggle

I cannot recall who said that you cannot think your way into a new way of living, you need to live your way into a new way of thinking. Yet that idea has been percolating in my being for the last few weeks as it seems everything around me as well as events that are being tossed toward me, seem to have increased in speed,variety and texture.

Change, shift, is accelerated at this time in the world both individually and collectively and I am certainly feeling it. As the balls I juggle feel like just one too many, the universe keeps talking to me and handing me more people, circumstances, injuries or challenges to tease me into consiousness.

“Ok” I say, “I am ok”…aware of how my thoughts impact my experience.    "I can do this."

Driving in the early morning darkness, rain pelting on the Sea to Sky highway, on route to a movie shoot I repeat the mantra and breathe. Yes, my knuckles are white on the steering wheel. The road winds, I can’t see and I am worried about the upcoming scene where I play a doctor having to wear pumps and do what’s called a walk and talk. Why couldn’t I be sitting at my doctor desk, dolling out doctorly advice, I muse.  I had gone for a pedicure on the weekend and the gal sliced off a piece of my toe with her razor as she was happily cutting and drifted. Yes…big ouch….

 I try to relax, and my mind moves to thinking about the Brooklyn accent I have to aquire, the pages I have to memorize, as soon as this shoot is finished.  I have an audition for a lead in a new TV series, a comedy about an Italian family in Bensenhurst.

 “Don’t think about that now, one thing at a time, you are a doctor and the world is possibly ending if they don’t find the bad guys and stop the oil exploration that is causing the earth to spew toxins”……or something like that.  After years in the film business you don’t always pay much attention to the whole script. When pressed for time you just memorize and make your own character real. 

Anyway … I try to relax and the truth is I am just coping using my will to muster through what to me feels like a tense situation. I keep breathing in calm energy but it doesn’t really shift anything.

Buns reads my energy the next day and talks about my first chakra…you know the energy center at the base of your spin. This wakes me up to my grounding cord and remembering that you can breathe in all the calm you like, if you are not also releasing what no longer serves you, it’s a moot point.

So I add the release and low and behold even though things continue to implode and vibrate around me, my ability to be present with it all is increased.

 I buy a wooden spoon that I will use to whack my pretend Italian family with when they grab one too many meatballs. My name is Tutti and I have fun teasing my hair into a big Madonna bouffant do with blue 80’s eye shadow, tight mens's muscle shirt and a crucifix around my neck, at the ready for spontaneous religious cross kissing.  I leap into my audition with full abandon. Then literally moments latter take off the neon hoop earring, wipe off makeup and race to a class on body awareness that I am teaching.  I occasionally drift into the hard aw sound that new Yorkers lean toward when saying things like coffee…caw fee. And yes I am enjoying lots of it to keep this candle burning at both ends.

Inhale, exhale, release.

 I am going away this weekend with one of my best pals for a weekend of shopping and massage at the lovely Inn at Semi Ah Moo.
My bawdy is singing hallelujah at the thought…oops I mean body.

And only one hundred and twelve things left to do before I go….where the hell is my list….

Cue circus music please…here comes another ball.

Branded by juggling ….

Authentically Yours,

Still smiling, Marty

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