Everything.
I couldn’t figure out why I was inflicted with a pretty
serious case of “writer’s block” for the past week and a half. I kept putting off writing my post because I
couldn’t come up with anything that I thought was worthy of your time. I also had a hunch that there was something I
was being beckoned to ponder but I didn’t want to go there. What if I found
something I wasn’t prepared to look at?
Then on Sunday, I happened to run into a long-time friend
and we got around to talking about this blog. I asked him if he had ever read
it and he said he hadn’t, and proceeded to tell me why. What an eye-opening (heart-opening?)
conversation that was!
Let’s start with the fact that we enjoy each other’s company
even though we have never dated. He is very bright and perceptive, and we have
meaningful conversations. He’s not
afraid to go deep, make tough observations, and in short, call a spade a spade…
sometimes a tad less delicately than I’m comfortable with, but nonetheless,
brutally honest.
His reason was that if my blog is a “tell-all”, then who
would want to be my partner when there’s no room left for private information,
just between the two of us? I assured him that there were some things that I
haven’t published (have I mentioned my tattoo?) but still, he was pointing at
something that rang a bell for me. And I am really grateful for his candor.
Here’s my takeaway from our tête-à-tête… he had also
referred to my ability to connect really well with a large group of people when
I’m performing. And I also suddenly remembered what I had said about Molly of
the Beachcombers in a previous post… that I resonated with her because of her
public persona but didn’t give much thought to her private life. Am I
unattached by choice? Do I believe that I am getting all the love I could ever
want or need from a very large group of people, vs. “the one”? Am I
crowd-sourcing my love to hedge my bets and avoid nakedness (on all levels)?
I think I am. Way safer to be loved by many than by one.
Fear of loss? You bet. All the things I am afraid of are taken care of when I
garner affection from many. Safety in numbers.
Don’t have to be completely visible and vulnerable in a crowd. I’ve got
it made! Yeah. Sure.
And while I’m writing this, I realize there’s a third option
and that’s the possibility of having it all.
It’s not a case of one or the other.
Love. Is. Everything.
Branded by it.
Love Buns
P.S. And yes, back in the day, I did perform this song many times!
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