Tuesday, March 18, 2014

What’s love got to do with it?


I couldn’t figure out why I was inflicted with a pretty serious case of “writer’s block” for the past week and a half.  I kept putting off writing my post because I couldn’t come up with anything that I thought was worthy of your time.  I also had a hunch that there was something I was being beckoned to ponder but I didn’t want to go there. What if I found something I wasn’t prepared to look at?

Then on Sunday, I happened to run into a long-time friend and we got around to talking about this blog. I asked him if he had ever read it and he said he hadn’t, and proceeded to tell me why.  What an eye-opening (heart-opening?) conversation that was!

Let’s start with the fact that we enjoy each other’s company even though we have never dated. He is very bright and perceptive, and we have meaningful conversations.  He’s not afraid to go deep, make tough observations, and in short, call a spade a spade… sometimes a tad less delicately than I’m comfortable with, but nonetheless, brutally honest.

His reason was that if my blog is a “tell-all”, then who would want to be my partner when there’s no room left for private information, just between the two of us? I assured him that there were some things that I haven’t published (have I mentioned my tattoo?) but still, he was pointing at something that rang a bell for me. And I am really grateful for his candor.

Here’s my takeaway from our tête-à-tête… he had also referred to my ability to connect really well with a large group of people when I’m performing. And I also suddenly remembered what I had said about Molly of the Beachcombers in a previous post… that I resonated with her because of her public persona but didn’t give much thought to her private life. Am I unattached by choice? Do I believe that I am getting all the love I could ever want or need from a very large group of people, vs. “the one”? Am I crowd-sourcing my love to hedge my bets and avoid nakedness (on all levels)?

I think I am. Way safer to be loved by many than by one. Fear of loss? You bet. All the things I am afraid of are taken care of when I garner affection from many. Safety in numbers.  Don’t have to be completely visible and vulnerable in a crowd. I’ve got it made! Yeah. Sure.

And while I’m writing this, I realize there’s a third option and that’s the possibility of having it all.  It’s not a case of one or the other.

Love. Is. Everything.

Branded by it.

Love Buns

P.S.  And yes, back in the day, I did perform this song many times!

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