Monday, March 5, 2012

The girl with the invisible tattoo.

As per my last post, I decided to subtly shift my awareness from being single to resonating with what it would be like to be in a relationship.

Just to put you in the picture, I rarely get asked out on a date.  Like, actually, never. I’ve often asked my men friends why they think that is, and to a one they say I come across as very capable, confident, and for sure I must be already taken.  So they shy away. (Of course I am looking for the one who is bold enough to look past all that and actually have the guts to approach me.)

So I’ve been tweaking my inner climate so that it matches what I think I would like to experience.  Wow.  All it took was one little indescribable shift and wham!  The phone started ringing.  In the last two weeks, four different guys have approached me.  But I think I still need to fine-tune my dabbling in this area.

Guy number 1.  Thirty years old.  (Yes, I could be his mother.)  Guy number 2.  Twenty-two.  (We’re getting into “I’m-old-enough-to-be-your-grandmother” territory!) Guy number 3.  Forty-seven.  (Now that’s getting better.  But he has a partner, the cad.) Guy number 4.  Old flame.  Missed me.  Wanted to rekindle – but just the physical part, nothing else.

So WTF?  (And I don’t mean the last three days of the work week, or as one of my friends always says, “why that’s fantastic!”).  I looked in the mirror to see if I had an invisible tattoo on my forehead. Was there something there saying I was available for casual trysts and would look after all non-committal needs? What actually was being mirrored back to me?

I realize this has nothing to do with them.  It’s about what I am unconsciously advertising.  Am I really saying I'm willing if it’s just a physical relationship… where I don’t have to involve my heart?

Shit.  I’m going to have to go back to the drawing board. 

I also put a profile on line.  I am not comfortable with that AT ALL but I’m willing to see what might transpire.

And in the meantime, I am having my tattoo removed.  And a new one put near my heart.

Branded by invisible ink…

Love Buns.

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