Druthers. I’ve got ’em.

For as long as I can remember, December 21st has been my favourite day of the year.  For me it symbolizes a new beginning. The days start to become longer, and I am filled with that phew-I-made-it feeling.  Even from a Mayan calendar point of view, I am looking forward to it.  Perhaps it will be the end of the world as we know it.  I, for one, believe it’s time.  Time to divest myself of all the things that don’t serve me well in a spiritual, physical, mental, and emotional sense.  Vamoose.  Be gone.

And I’m getting the sense that the universe is conspiring to help me make some hard choices about what to keep and what to let go.  In the past couple of months, I have experienced challenges that threatened to do me in, especially in my financial realm. From parking tickets to an unexpected tax bill to an empty condo (translation – no rental income), things are tight.  And yet for some reason, I am calm as I cast my gaze to include a wider horizon of possibilities.  I’m just starting to see that this is really an opportunity to take stock, and decide what can be discounted, written off, or forgiven. And I’m not just talking about merchandise.

What relationships, possessions, beliefs, grudges, or worries can I release? What really matters?  This is the time to declutter.  And I’m up for it.  I’m ready for a change.

I used to say if I had my druthers¹, I’d do certain things.  I’d sing for my supper.  I’d help others help themselves. I’d help build houses on a Caribbean island. I’d take my master gardener’s course. I’d go and visit my parents back East any time I wanted to. I’d earn an honest living without needing to have bricks and mortar as the veneer of successful entrepreneurship. My focus would be to use my talents well in the service of others.  A close friend of mine sent this to me the other day saying that he thought of me when he read it...

I slept and dreamed that life was joy.

I awoke and saw that life was service.

I acted and behold, service was joy.

Ravindranath Tagore

This is my druthers.

Branded by joy,

Buns xo

As I write this, my dad is in the hospital and there is the possibility that I may not see him again.  The last time I was with him, we had a wonderful visit and I was able to tell him how much I loved him and how he had so eloquently (yet silently) shown his support for me when my son passed away. I have been able to make a clean decision not to go back to see him before Christmas.  If that is to be last time I get to see him, it is a beautiful memory. I love you Dad... 

¹druth·ers: noun plural \ˈdrə-thərz\[Alteration of the phrase 'd rather, from would rather.]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z0GFRcFm-aY