Scared shiftless.

Just got off the phone with Marty.  I am at once excited and petrified.  She tells me we are about to have a much wider audience for our blog.  When she told me the numbers, a sudden torrent of self doubt, fear of visibility, and lack of confidence overwhelmed me.  I was at a loss for words and was worried that that would be a permanent condition.  Immediately I could hear those niggling little thoughts …

“What could you possibly say that would interest people? Am I exciting enough? Will people want to read about me and my life? Why?” My impulse to never write again was so strong I was quite taken aback. What’s so different from when we first began other than a few zeroes at the end of our readership numbers? 

So here I am, doing something that I absolutely love to do and now that it is gaining some momentum and notoriety, I am balking.  What’s up with that?

It’s funny it’s coming up now.  (Or is it?) Lately I’ve been asking myself a lot of hard questions about what I want to be when I grow up, (or ripen, rather). When I look back at all my choices for livelihood, there are only maybe one or two of them that didn’t have me being the support person (and quite formidable I might add), for someone else’s dream.  Whether it was a big corporation or a small entrepreneurial endeavour, I was only too happy to hop in the passenger seat and help with the navigating.

What it boils down to is this.  I’m not that comfortable being out of my comfort zone. I know. I know.  Doesn’t look that way to a lot of my friends.  I am comfortable singing on stage – actually more than just comfortable – I love it! I don’t have a problem with roller coasters or zip lines.  I’ll try anything once (especially if it has to do with food!).  I’m adventurous (just ask Marty).  I’m not the shy and retiring type. I embrace “living out loud”! But I’m beginning to see that I do it conditionally.  Yes.  That’s it.  I will live out loud as long as it’s comfortable.  If it starts feeling scary, I don’t go any further.  Mmmm.  That’s going to take me places isn’t it?

I still have a long way to go.  And what’s being dropped in my lap is fantastic.  Not just with the blog but with my new business as well.  All it takes to do incredibly well is to be authentic. To be me.  From the inside out.  Through and through.  Not just what I want others to perceive.

So I’m shifting gears.  I’m not going to settle for constant comfort any more.  Just like 60 is the new 40, discomfort is the new impulse to evolve.

Gotta go now.  Time for another adventure with Marty.  Oh wait.  This is one!

Branded by owies.

Authentically yours,

Buns

P.S. What’s the scariest thing you’ve ever done that ended up taking you to richer pastures?  We’d love to hear your stories!