Monday, July 15, 2013

Feelin' the love.

Recently I have been looking at how I’ve been trying to attract the perfect partner or soul mate into my life.  I think I’m ready, I can manifest like the best of them, but not when it comes to this. Clearly.

So like a witch who has to check the number of bat lashes, frog lips, and eyes of newts she’s using in her spell, I am looking at the way in which I can improve the recipe.

The first thing I found was that yes, I am envisioning that it has already happened, and I have basically instructed the Universe to get to work. What I didn’t realize was, that underneath it all, I actually had my sights set on someone who I find particularly attractive in many ways (but who may not be the best choice for me). So the Universe was probably waiting until I was actually open to other possibilities.

Once I figured that one out, bang!  Out of the blue, a friend introduces me to a her friend on Faceplant, and we begin chatting.  I must say I admire the Universe’s sense of humour.  This new one has the same name as the guy that I’m fatally attracted to! There is lots of resonance with this new guy but also a significant amount of resistance on my part. I found myself coming up with all kinds of reasons why it might not work.  And I mean really silly reasons. And then if he didn’t get in touch for a period of time, I’d get all worried thinking I’d done something wrong. I felt like a complete failure at this whole attraction thing.

So I had to look at that.  Did it mean that I’m not actually ready?  I had thought for a while that I was protecting my heart after losing Duncan and so was satisfied with the myriad of male friends that I have collected over the years, enjoying their company enormously but definitely at arm’s length.  What I realize is that while my heart is more open, I am worried about having to suffer loss again, and so I only have been allowing myself (or a potential suitor) to only go so far. And then I come up with “the reason” why I’m not interested. 

So how’s that been working for me so far?  It hasn’t been.  And yet there’s a huge part of me that absolutely believes that everything is as it should be right now. I just might end up being the most fascinating old single woman with a gazillion male friends and as many stories to go along with it.  Or I might end up with the exact opposite type of guy that I think I want and be completely and utterly in love with him for the rest of my life.

I think I’m going to put all this on the Universe’s “to do” list and give it a rest. I’ll let you know how it goes…

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