… but I don’t believe
I’m sinkin’ down. Au contraire. While faced with a lot of imminent
decisions – mostly based on “what am I going to do, or who am I going to be when
I grow up?” – I’m actually quite exhilarated, rather than stressed.
For a while now, I’ve been mulling over making a significant
change in how I spend each day. Don’t
get me wrong, I love my store, I love being in Horseshoe Bay (and will likely
be here for a while yet), but I’m restless. Some inner compass is pointing at a
need to recalibrate and check in using my sextant… am I on a trajectory that is
truly mine to travel? It speaks to an alignment with my true calling and I know
that I could do some fine tuning in that department.
This isn’t the first time I have felt this way. It usually starts with a subtle ennui, followed
by an incredible urge to throw all caution to the wind and start over. But in the past, I have either carefully put safety
nets in place before I’ve changed course or I have jumped into the next “big thing” without checking my navigational charts.
This time feels different. It
feels like I need to heed this impulse and let my next step be revealed more
naturally than my setting out to purposefully create it. Kind of a “ready, fire, aim” approach, but grounded. I
think I just need to get out of my own way.
(That’s code for stop being such a
control freak!)
I’m not talking about being careless and ignoring possible
consequences. I’m talking about making
changes that move me towards rather than away from something. Love-based vs. fear-based decisions, really.
And already there have been signs that tell me I’m onto
something here. I began to cast my
vision wider than my local village. What
would it be like if I were to move? Where would I go? Who would I be hanging
around with? What opportunities would present themselves that I wouldn’t have
thought of before? I had barely started down this line of thinking when I was
contacted by an old friend that I hadn’t connected with for months. She asked
me if I would be interested in helping her set up a store that was just like
mine only in a different neighbourhood.
I mean, I’m talking about hearing from her within a day of my beginning
to widen my scope. What was really interesting for me was that while I am
probably going to do that with her, I could really feel that this was a
temporary focus for me. It is an opportunity to have some income while
I explore other ways of earning a living that really make me feel alive
and of service. Her call represented to me a knowing that when I make choices that are truly mine to do, I won’t be standing on shaky ground, or at least not for long. I will find my way. Or it will find me.
While I don’t know what this all is going to look like, I do
know that it will involve music, helping others through their own creative processes, and there
will be more space and time for me to slow down and make room for oh, say, a
relationship? (At this point, if someone were to ask me out on a date, I’d be
booking about 3 weeks out. This is not
good.)
I really feel that I am at the most exciting crossroad I’ve ever faced. Unafraid, unknowing,
fully willing to accept whatever happens, and I’m open. That little girl in the picture up above couldn’t be illustrating my current state more perfectly. It's as though I’m listening to my
favourite song and it’s called “Me”.
Branded by B#,
Lovingly and authentically yours,
Buns
P.S. What would I do
with all this new-found time on my hands?
Why I’d do what Sheryl is doing… sing Crossroads with Eric!
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