Fifty-nine tears.

Wow. What a weekend!  I just spent these past three days at the Vancouver Island Music Business Conference with a Friday-night-showcase set thrown in for good measure.  Fun, informative and casual. My friend Karen and I were there to learn more about the music industry, how we might fit in, and to make connections with the powers that be.  And yes. That happened. It was a great experience and I loved every minute of it – including the chalet we chanced upon through www.airbnb.com.  I will never travel again without consulting this website.  It was perfect.

We ended up staying at this abundantly provisioned hewn-log monstrosity, with comfy beds, fabulous view, big kitchen (although I confess to never having turned on the stove, but rather learning where the corkscrew and wineglasses resided). There was an ample supply of DVDs, slippers and robes, wonderfully-scented linens, and formidable examples of taxidermy in the form of hawks and bobcats. It was quite the place, and I would go back there in a heartbeat.

We were a little off the beaten path, which meant we had to plan our sojourns into town to attend the sessions.  On the recommendation of a friend, we picked up our big Saturday night meal (to go) from the Union Street Grill and Grotto and we were not disappointed. (If you are ever in Courtenay, you should check them out!)

But I digress.  The real point of my story is to share how it felt to be at least thirty years older than the majority of the performers and constituents of the conference. It really brought to the forefront one of my big pieces that I wrestle with constantly… I’m getting old and I’m not sure I like it. What better way to show off my (obvious to me) saggy bits and wrinkles than to be placed next to a beautifully-proportioned waif with the voice of an angel? I had to learn how to just have my experience without torturing myself all weekend through comparison with these lovely young women.  And then there’s the appealing young men who at one point in my life may have paid attention to me. It made me feel sad that I might now be seen as someone to whom this attention didn’t matter any more. 

Don’t get me wrong.  I had a great time.  Laughed hard, played well, and got lots of good comments about our show.

At one point, Karen took a picture of me at a session and tweeted it out (with my permission). When I saw it later, I was horrified at the photo.  Truth is, my abhorrence was actually a form of violence towards myself.  I realized had to learn how to be okay with all of this stuff. And if I’m really honest, I’m in pretty damn good shape for a soon-to-be sexagenarian.  (She said in her outside voice!)

What it comes down to is this.  If I’m worried about how old I look, then it’s just information that I’m not centred.  I’m not in present time.  If I were, this navel gazing wouldn’t even be a part of my experience.  What a relief to figure that out! 

So my new motto is, sixty is the new whatever age I want it to be!

Part of my churning is no doubt fueled by the upcoming memorial birthday celebration that I, along with my girls (Fowl Mouth McPhee), and my son Sean and my wasband-rhymes-with-husband and their band are performing for on Saturday night.  It is a night that I look forward to with much anticipation.  At the same time I ache to know what it might have been like to see Duncan who would now be 28 years old as of this Thursday.

I should be so lucky to have almost 60 years under my belt.

So if you happen to be in town on Saturday night, we are throwing a birthday party, cleverly disguised as a love-fest, in honour of Duncan.  We will be launching a Duncan McPhee Memorial Scholarship through Music BC Charitable Foundation.  Many talented musicians will be on hand to raise the roof, paying homage to a young man who has inspired so many… including me.  His mom.

Come and join us at The Backstage Lounge on Granville Island, from 9 to 1.  You won’t be disappointed!

Branded by life,

Buns.  xo

P.S.  Big thanks to Sharon and Jeff who came out to see us perform last Friday in Courtenay… it was so great to see friendlies in the audience! 

Dropping the f-bomb.

I just got back from a weekend in Kamloops where our band, Fowl Mouth McPhee performed to a full house, two nights in a row.

Of course there are the usual jokes about our name.  Contrary to what gets conjured up in curious minds, it is simply a combination of our last names… few f-bombs were used in the making of this moniker.

It was a fun-filled, fabulous, and feel-good couple of days.  We sang our hearts out and laughed until we cried – over the silliest things – but for us it was a furthering of what the three of us share through our music.

The best part of the whole weekend was who showed up to support us.  It started with a long-time friend of mine, Tarzan, (yes, I have written about him before), just sauntering into the lounge as if to say “of course I’m here, where else would I be?” I couldn’t stop hugging him I was so happy to see him. Then Tammy’s sister, husband and a bunch of friends arrived.  The family-and-friend theme for the weekend was quickly emerging.

I had contacted my cousin who lives in Kamloops to let her know I’d be there on the weekend.  I hadn’t seen her for about 30 years and so I was excited that she was going to make it.  She completely surprised me by bringing her two sisters (also who I hadn’t seen for a number of years).  I’m sure you could hear us laughing for a city block when we started to reminisce about times long past and the fun we’d had as kids.  I grew up in Ontario and they in B.C. so while our times spent together were few and far between, they are cherished and memorable.

More family and friends arrived on the scene and by the time all was said and done, there were probably over 40 people who went out of their way to come and cheer us on.  Everyone socialized and got to know each other better. Some even realized that they had met before or had mutual friends.  There were some amazing connections made and I knew it wasn’t just coincidence. 

I’m struggling to describe how it felt.  Warm, inclusive, non-judgmental, supportive, forgiving, generous, poignant, and sacred.  The love was palpable.  From the stage, it felt as though I were singing to a room of open hearts.  It was hard to tell who was getting more enjoyment out of the show – us or them!

And we get to do this all over again in a few short weeks as we take part in our 6^th annual celebration of my son Duncan’s life at the Backstage Lounge on Granville Island. Not only will I sing with Fowl Mouth McPhee, but I will join the stage for a few numbers with my son Sean. If previous years are any indication, it is sure to be another night celebrating love of family and friends through music. I can’t wait.

My favourite songs are in the key of F.

F is for family.  F is for friends.

Branded by the f-bomb,

Buns xoxox

“Music gives a soul to the universe, wings to the mind, flight to the imagination, and life to everything.” 

Plato