Dropping the f-bomb.

I just got back from a weekend in Kamloops where our band, Fowl Mouth McPhee performed to a full house, two nights in a row.

Of course there are the usual jokes about our name.  Contrary to what gets conjured up in curious minds, it is simply a combination of our last names… few f-bombs were used in the making of this moniker.

It was a fun-filled, fabulous, and feel-good couple of days.  We sang our hearts out and laughed until we cried – over the silliest things – but for us it was a furthering of what the three of us share through our music.

The best part of the whole weekend was who showed up to support us.  It started with a long-time friend of mine, Tarzan, (yes, I have written about him before), just sauntering into the lounge as if to say “of course I’m here, where else would I be?” I couldn’t stop hugging him I was so happy to see him. Then Tammy’s sister, husband and a bunch of friends arrived.  The family-and-friend theme for the weekend was quickly emerging.

I had contacted my cousin who lives in Kamloops to let her know I’d be there on the weekend.  I hadn’t seen her for about 30 years and so I was excited that she was going to make it.  She completely surprised me by bringing her two sisters (also who I hadn’t seen for a number of years).  I’m sure you could hear us laughing for a city block when we started to reminisce about times long past and the fun we’d had as kids.  I grew up in Ontario and they in B.C. so while our times spent together were few and far between, they are cherished and memorable.

More family and friends arrived on the scene and by the time all was said and done, there were probably over 40 people who went out of their way to come and cheer us on.  Everyone socialized and got to know each other better. Some even realized that they had met before or had mutual friends.  There were some amazing connections made and I knew it wasn’t just coincidence. 

I’m struggling to describe how it felt.  Warm, inclusive, non-judgmental, supportive, forgiving, generous, poignant, and sacred.  The love was palpable.  From the stage, it felt as though I were singing to a room of open hearts.  It was hard to tell who was getting more enjoyment out of the show – us or them!

And we get to do this all over again in a few short weeks as we take part in our 6^th annual celebration of my son Duncan’s life at the Backstage Lounge on Granville Island. Not only will I sing with Fowl Mouth McPhee, but I will join the stage for a few numbers with my son Sean. If previous years are any indication, it is sure to be another night celebrating love of family and friends through music. I can’t wait.

My favourite songs are in the key of F.

F is for family.  F is for friends.

Branded by the f-bomb,

Buns xoxox

“Music gives a soul to the universe, wings to the mind, flight to the imagination, and life to everything.” 

Plato

Roses in the Snow

I just returned from a trip to my hometown where my mom, three sisters, brother, their partners, and all ten of our kids gathered to mourn and celebrate my Dad.

What a week it was.  From cancelled flights, to sub-zero weather, tons of snow, lots of tears, and many tasks to complete, it was destined to be a stressfest.  Nothing could be further from the truth. From beneath the blanket of sadness, grew something beautiful.  Like a flower, peeking up through the snow.

We all hunkered down at my Mom’s place and went to work.  We had three days to pull together our ideas for two visitations and a service.  We all wanted to be involved, to dive into the process of letting Dad go. We wanted to create a send off that befitted him – elegant, graceful, musical, and light- and warm-hearted.  

Dad was known for many things but what we wanted to highlight was his passion for Korea (where he was born), teaching (his life-long profession), music (he was instrumental in having a Casavant Frères pipe organ installed in the church), flying, (he was a pilot), Found’s Island (our family summer place since 1952), and an unshakeable devotion to his family.

We gathered bits of memorabilia and were able to put together a beautiful visual of all his loves.  Stones and branches from the island (and the old “Found’s Island” sign) were put together in one corner; yearbooks, school uniforms, and certificates signified his teaching years; tiny organ pipes and his favourite music was skillfully woven into the flower arrangements; and hundreds of family photographs were on display all around the room.  Dad’s ashes were placed in a beautiful “chong” – a tiny Korean chest. It was a perfect setting for his long-time friends, relatives, colleagues, and students, to spend time remembering him.  It was a joyous occasion… many commented on how uplifting it was to be there, to talk about Dad, and reminisce with laughter about the many good times we shared with him.

His memorial service was equally fitting.  The choir sang to the accompaniment of the organ, played by our original organist.  We all had a say in what music we wanted to hear and she played it beautifully.  We each wrote a memory about Dad (or Poppa, as he is known by his grandkids) and the stories were read aloud during the service.  Everyone sang “Jesus Loves Me” in Korean.  The meditation was very apropos… urging all who knew him to “go out and do likewise”.  Dad was a very kind and inspiring man. 

It was probably one of the best times I’ve ever spent with my family (excluding the escapades together when we were younger, before we all went our separate ways).  Even though Dad wasn’t there to pitch in physically, he was absolutely there in spirit.  The last night before I left, there were 27 people at the house for dinner.  We gathered in the living room, and before we joined hands to sing Johnny Appleseed (at the top of our lungs as Dad would have done), we placed the chong right in the centre and all sang to him.  We raised the roof in his honour.

I will never forget this past week.  We learned a lot about each other and about Dad – things that we didn’t know before.  (I found out that he never liked long hair, so in his honour and as a gesture of letting go, I cut about 10 inches off my mane yesterday – it was time!) We all learned a lot about having joy and laughter in the midst of sadness.  We immersed ourselves in all that Dad stood for.  It was beautiful.

Dad… Thank you for everything you taught me.  You were an amazing man.  (And I hope you like my haircut!)

Branded by Bruce,

Authentically yours,

Buns xo

P.S.  For your listening pleasure… one of my favourite Emmylou Harris songs. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gs-wOyMjJMw