Knit one, purl whatever.

After an action-packed month, filled with packing, moving, rehearsing, having a great family visit, putting on a show, unpacking, reopening the store (you know – the usual), I am feeling just a wee bit burnt out.  Yesterday, I decided to take the day for myself – yep, right in the middle of a long weekend – closed the store to look after me. 

Thanks to my good friend Mimi, I was lucky enough to enjoy a massage and facial at The Horseshoe Bay Laser and Beauty Clinic (http://www.horseshoebaylaser.com).  Afterwards, I promptly went home, donned my most fetching flannel jammies, curled up on the couch, watched probably the worst movie I’ve seen in a long time and cried my head off.  It was just what I needed.  I realized I had been fending off a considerable level of stress and yesterday was the day to take it all in, experience it, and let it go.  (Marty – I really did try to write this post yesterday but my mind was not co-operating!)

Today, I find myself sitting in my new digs, pouring rain outside (of course it is, it’s the long weekend!), wondering if anyone will wander in to browse, chat, or acquire a lovely little memento of their visit here. I am also in the process of (don’t read this next part Susannah) knitting a baby sweater.  It’s super cute, a fisherman’s pullover that will be adorable when I get it done.  If I ever get it done!

I don’t know what it is about this little garment.  I am a very experienced knitter and yet I have had to rip out the &%*@# thing several times now to get it right.  I’m frustrated, impatient, and mad because I am clearly not understanding what the pattern is demanding of me.  So I have stopped for a bit so I can see what this little green pile of recycled cotton yarn is trying to tell me.

And here’s what it said (or sang, rather.  Sounded a little like Morcheeba…)

Take your time now
Feel like standing still
Get your bearings until
When the day is through
All you got to do is slow down
When the day is through
All you got to do is slow down

Full of tension

’Cause you love the chase
You just need your 
own space

When the day is through
All you got to do is slow down
When the day is through
All you got to do is slow down


When you've had enough
Of the faster stuff just slow down
When you're sick from stress
Bust up in a mess slow down 
(insert hot guitar solo here)
When the day is through
All you got to do is slow down
When the day is through
All you got to do is slow down

When it's hot up there
And you got no air, slow down
You just need some time
To fall back in line
Slow down down down down down

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CHlU5D0iAYQ

Branded by relaxation,

Buns xo

Remembering

We are celebrating some important birthdays with music and memories. It’s been four years since Duncan’s passing and the annual gathering that unites his family and friends in music and honors both his memory and his big brothers birthday is an event that is inspired by depth and laced with feeling.

 His guitar and love of music was such a passion of his, bringing people together was just a natural gift, and living full out was the fuel that kept him shining.

One of my favorite Duncan moments was a weekend on the Sunshine Coast where we met up at a cottage I had rented on the lake. As my friend and I unpacked food from our car, the boys were unpacking beer from theirs. And it kept coming and coming and coming. Once the fridge was full to capacity the deck was getting stocked…a never ending supply of coolers, and ice and beer.
“Really, I said….there is no way you two are going to drink all this.”

Duncan shrugged and gave that sweet smile that was so full of living in the moment, so full of twinkle. I always felt his capacity to live large, to be spontaneous, and to go for it without fear or measure.

And so it began, 3 days of boating and feasting and singing late into the night. Dunc’s guitar playing was stellar, our drumming and singing…not so much. But it didn’t matter. Not to him, not to us. What we all loved was the joining and sharing and howling late late into the dark until the morning light began to break through the aubergine sky.

I told them not to go boating without life jackets. No one listened. I told them boating is like driving, you can’t drink and drive. No one listened. I wasn't the best authority figure I admit. But they did discuss their moms one night, and I hold that memory dear. Buns and I had only met briefly once or twice at that point. Duncan was so protective of his mother with lots of strong opinions and a clear love that shone through every word, every nuance, every story he shared. Their connection was fierce.


Duncan is a treasure that is missed and yet will always continue to whisper. His inspiration calls on us to be all that we can be, to live full out, and to never, ever, let fear drive the boat. He reminds us that to be swept up by the adventure of the present moment, as he was, is the only way to fully celebrate and revel in life.

 He reminds us to be grateful!

Today and always I open to that honor.

Albert Einstein once said there are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle. Duncan always chose door number two.

Thank you Duncan. Thank you for being you.


Branded by remembering,


Authentically yours,
Marty
                                           

Sittin' in the morning sun.

I came to my store early this morning to try and get as much done before I fly out the door for a mid-afternoon gig today.  I want to re-open tomorrow and I know that’s a pretty ambitious goal.  In one week, we packed an entire inventory, moved it all across the street and put it all in to a place that’s half the size, all while my son Sean was giving our new location a facelift.  It was hard work and we’re not done yet, but the incredible help that came out of the woodwork (so to speak!) was heartwarming.

Because my full attention has been on this move, I almost forgot to stop and smell the roses.  I did however, stop and smell the coffee next door at Flour Bakery and yes, I succumbed, not once, but several times to the tempting aroma of the fresh, made-from-scratch cinnamon buns.  I have definitely made the right move! 

To be honest, I don’t have a whole lot to say.  I’m taking a little breather before I dig in. I am sitting out front, taking in the sounds of a village waking up on a sleepy Sunday morning.  The sun is shining, the birdsong is in full swing, cherry blossoms are in glorious bloom, sprinkling pink snowflakes when a gust of wind comes up. It’s really beautiful. 

As I sit here, my thoughts also go to what I have left behind.  At first, I felt like I was leaving my safety net – one that I had created around me to soften the blow of Duncan’s passage.  As I have had time to take this in, I realize I am actually ready to take a further step in letting go of my constructs.  What I am realizing with such a warmth in my heart, is that it actually allows me to be closer to him without all the other “stuff” getting in the way.  It’s time. And it’s timely.

Next weekend, we are hosting the fifth annual McPhee Brothers’ Birthday Bash, honouring both Sean and Duncan with music.  Friends and family join us from far and wide and it truly is a lovefest.  I can’t wait.

And as luck would have it, I have scored the most awesome castle on the water so I can house my guests for the week.  When it comes to housesitting (or castle sitting) I do have horseshoes.

Sorry for the rambling.  Lots goin’ on. 

Branded by cherry blossoms,

Buns.

P.S.  I’m almost afraid to list names here because there are so many to thank for their help this week.  I might forget some but here goes… Sean, Mary, Marty, Michelle, Karen, Donna, Laura, two Marks, Glen, two Blairs, two Bruces, Farris, Nick, Tina, Vicki, Emma, Albert, Lawrence, Neil, and Al.  For those of you that I missed, my gratitude is no less sincere.

And now, for your listening pleasure… http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UCmUhYSr-e4

Spiritual Fitness

I am in the midst of a spring cleanup. It started with closets, led to my office where Buns generously shared her handyman skills assembling lacquer shelving while I crumpled paper into mounds of ink scarred snow. Honestly, that project is still in process as I confess to stuffing years of accumulated knowledge that hasn’t made it yet to my computer into piles, now hidden discreetly behind sleek shiny ruby red cupboards. As smooth as the skin of a bright red Ferrari, it gives me enormous pleasure every time I enter the space.

 The computer is still on my list. I need to clear it out, delete the redundant and complete the various projects filed under such headers as Creative and Business Plans. They all seem to carry a familiar thread of putting into form many spiritual concepts to be experienced in the body via workshops and my slow moving book with the working title of How To Turn Finding The One Into Finding Yourself.

And then my body. After our trip to Hawaii in January and Playa del Carmen in February I was in serious need of cleansing. The Mahi Mahi burgers, www.paiafishmarket.com/  are a must to try if ever in Maui.  
And Playa’s variety of designer Tequilla was too good to pass on, so now its bye bye caffeine, (mostly) bye carbs, (mostly) hello power walking, yoga and Isagenix shakes filled with natural nutrients that help release toxins. Amazing whole body cleansing system you have to check out!
www.christiemcphee1.isagenix.com

 I am being filled and nurtured with goodness and care and yet I am also feeling murky uncomfortable feelings often without content. It’s not that I couldn’t find content to explain them it’s that the desire to do so is gone.

So what is left to clear? Oh yes….opening to the next step of spiritual evolution. Perhaps the very reason that my feelings make no sense. I am integrating even more deeply the knowing that nothing ever happens to me but rather happens for me. I think this is always the truth it’s just sometimes more difficult to remember when our human hurts are activated. And those hurts will always be a factor as long as we are in a human body.

That’s why those claiming they are enlightened and never reactive hold very little interest for me. I am far more fascinated with how to translate the spiritual into the human, especially when activated, than I am in breathing past it. Ignoring it does not make it go away, it only increases the energy it takes to keep it at bay until the next external circumstance appears and cooperating with this unfinished human business, gives you a whack.
 So yes I am feeling wacked but I KNOW it’s not personal or content based. This is something that clearly invites me to grow into an even more authentic experience of my essence.

For the first time ever I said the words “I am opening to a teacher appearing in my life.”

 I understand that this request for a teacher is the first step to having one show up but truthfully I have not been drawn to this before. I have an aversion to following. I love learning and absorb and apply from many schools of knowledge but the idea of a human being leading me anywhere is not familiar. I do not resonate with it unless of course they lead me deeper into myself and my own answers.

For me to put this request out into the world I must let go of the form of this person. I open even to the possibility that it is not a person. Perhaps it’s a teacher plant, perhaps it’s a lover or a child or a dog…I don’t know, but the sense that it is time to work out and increase my spiritual fitness is in the air. Actually it’s in my body and it’s not a happy camper kind of feeling. It sucks. It’s a pain in my back…literally and it is as ineffable as the many profound experiences and concepts that seem so essentially incommunicable, like what is the soul, the meaning of life, birth and death.

Still, saying yes is my only option. I Google information on DMT which is called the spirit molecule. DMT is a psychedelic chemical naturally produced in the brain of every human being. It is also found in plants and has been used for centuries by shamans to journey for opening and teaching.


 “Let's think the unthinkable, let's do the undoable. Let us prepare to grapple with the ineffable itself, and see if we may not eff it after all.” said Douglas Adams in Dirk Gently's Hollistic Detective Agency.

We can only try. We can only try.

Still branded by yes,

Authentically Yours,
Marty.

Presence is not a thing of the past.

Have you heard the one about...?

A senior monk and a junior monk were traveling together. At one point, they came to a river with a strong current. As the monks were preparing to cross the river, they saw a very young and beautiful woman also attempting to cross. The young woman asked if they could help her. The senior monk carried this woman on his shoulder, forded the river and let her down on the other bank. The junior monk was very upset, but said nothing. They both continued walking and the senior monk noticed his junior’s silence and asked, “Is something the matter? You seem very upset.” The junior monk replied, “As monks, we are not permitted a woman.  How could you then carry that woman on your shoulders?” The senior monk replied, “I left the woman a long time ago at the bank. However, you seem to be carrying her still.”

My last couple of weeks has given me a lot to carry and the opportunity to put some things down and let them go.

I took some time over Easter to visit family and friends back East.  It was glorious.  I needed a break and I got to indulge in some of my favourite pastimes – spend quality time with my parents, work for a whole day in my sister’s garden, help my brother build a split-cedar-rail fence, eat fabulous home-cooked meals, and perform at a local venue with my musical buddies.

I came back and hit the ground running (with jet lag), and immediately had to make some decisions about next steps for Presence (my beautiful little home away from home – my store in Horseshoe Bay).  My new lease had been drawn up for me to sign and there was a sense of urgency to get it done within a short period of time.  My new landlord is a long-time friend.  What she was asking for rent was more than I was able to commit to (even though I knew it was fair market value) and the prospect of having to close the business became a reality.  To say that I was devastated is an understatement.  And that it was at the hands of a close friend was deeply upsetting. I was in a perfect karmic storm. 

I found myself in the middle of an extremely uncomfortable situation (sleepless nights, a 3-day-long migraine, potential loss of a friendship, business, livelihood, and reputation in my ’hood).  In the depths of my initial despair, my worst-case scenario was that I would lose everything and have to re-create myself.  (insert “f-word” here).

I give my friend some credit here.  I know this has not been easy for her either. She has been able to stick with the process while I continue to describe my experience to her.  While she and I don’t see eye to eye on everything (particularly in the transparency arena), we are able to continue communicating with the intent of healing our relationship.  At the moment it is still in tatters, but as I told her, I am sturdy, resilient, and have the desire to be able to laugh about all of this in the future – for real – not as a way of avoiding the heart of the matter. I want to be able to let go and not carry this with me.  I have already learned from this experience that what my life looks like may change, yet I will still be intact.

At zero hour, another place became available nearby.  (It’s called “Horseshoe” Bay for a reason methinks!) It is affordable and the landlord is open to offers.  I let my friend know right away that she may need to find a new tenant should I choose to relocate.  Regardless of my location, I will still have Presence. And if I move, I know it will not be out of spite but rather from a clean and clear choice for the best course of action.

If I do move it will be over the next two weeks.  I am going to be busier than a one-legged man in an ass-kicking contest. 

Branded by re-creation,

Buns

Circling For Meaning

Carl Jung first wrote about the concept of synchronicity back in 1912. Recently the concept landed for me in a new way, a way that pointed directly at my essential nature.

 Just by the definition of the word itself, “the experience of two or more events that are apparently causally unrelated, that are observed to occur together in a meaningful manner” there is an invitation to step out of the bounds of cause and effect and into the realm of intuition. In fact it could only be the unconscious mind that would undertake the exploration of meaning in random occurrences.

The notion does not make causality wrong it simply maintains that just as events may be grouped by cause, they may also be grouped by meaning. I believe we can make similar meaning of any grouping, including our internal experiences.


 At the moment I am percolating on how connected I am to making meaning out of randomness, in people, in events, in myself and in relationship. Birthed from a childhood with a lack of things making sense, I am now drawn to understanding, leaving no stone unturned in my calling to generate meaning. And while the concept of synchronicity commonly refers to events outside of oneself I feel called to include my internal world and everyone else’s, if truth be told.

 It’s this inclusive state that leads to coining the words, ‘world synchronicity.’ It’s not just what is occurring inside me that is relevant but also how it is being mirrored in the outside world and the inside world of other people. The plot thickens!


So what is ‘world synchronicity’ exactly? Well, here is what it feels like when I am in the flow of this vibration. I am connected to my core, and yet able to rise above my situation or another persons, for that matter…to de-personalize. Even as I stay connected to my feelings, each breath lifts me into a richer perspective, as the layers unfold and information floods in.  I circle like an eagle, soaring, increasing my visual sense of the inner landscape. I sense patterns, I connect the dots, I follow the threads, whether it’s a feeling or sensation or thought.


In other words I am both sensing into and circling around at the same time.  This way of knowing is still present time yet also includes the past and every road that is wired into our psyche, meandering and influencing the current situation. That means the map that leads back home to self (since that is always the point of the process) is revealed as feelings surface. Adding a bird’s eye view and the dynamics of relationship invites further opening and the opportunity for clarity.


When Jung looked at synchronicity he called it intellectual intuition, something more than an intellectual exercise that also has elements of a spiritual awakening or an ‘intervention of grace” He believed that these synchronistic interventions served a role similar to dreams with the purpose of shifting a person’s egocentric conscious thinking to greater wholeness. He saw egocentric thinking on a linear horizontal line and the experience of wholeness, an indestructible energy which I call spiritual essence, on an intersecting vertical line, out of the space/time continuum.

I see my way of intuiting, at the crossroad of these two which includes both feeling everything in the body and still being able to increase perception while looking for that perfect entry point, the landing, that takes you smack into the heart of the matter. This intersection is the centerpoint I call home and it is where illusion falls away and deeper meaning is revealed. This is where we are authentically with ourselves and everyone else.


 I am sure there are many ways home but this is my way. Nothing gives me more pleasure here than company. It’s like recognizing someone who speaks your language when you are in a foreign country. Oh. you speak intellectual intuitive? Let’s invite our feelings, make meaning of synchronistic internal reactions, trace the feelings into the past and relate it to the present to expand. Let’s join in breath, in our connection to source, so we can land into the greater Truth.

We can laugh together here, we can cry, we can be vulnerable and undefended. I call that sexy! Seriously.

Some say the truth is relative. I say our wholeness is absolute. We may forget this truth but that does not make our spiritual essence any less connected and perfect.  Shining a light on the patterns that contribute to the experience of disconnection is my calling. Flying high, diving deep is my nature and sharing the joy of our journey home to self, is what I crave.


The curriculum that I am engaged with is learning to do this with grace.


Branded by self acceptance,


Authentically Yours,
Marty

 

And now a message from Eric Clapton.

I’m trying to see if a pattern is emerging here – as I get ready to head to Ontario to visit my family over Easter, I find myself down to zero hour with tons to do before I go.  Is it that I’m using this deadline as a way to finish off those things that I’ve been putting on the back burner (like taxes, and, oh yes, did I mention taxes?) or do I just see this as such a complete and welcome change from my normally high-energy schedule that I just want to make a clean break with nothing left undone? Not sure, but what I do know is that this pre-trip time is often accompanied by very strange dreams.

Last night I had a visit from Eric Clapton.  He was wearing red nail polish (it was chipped) and playing his guitar while I sang a duet with him. At the end of our song, he whispered to me, “Here, hold my hand while people are clapping for us. You know how people love to see people in love.” Now granted, Freud could have a hay day with this one, but I just woke up with such a sense of knowing that love is around me.  And I believe it will appear not in a way I have imagined.

In the past when I have visualized who it was that I was about to fall in love with (you know, the future ex), I would picture the person in all his physical and mental glory.  I was more interested in what he would look and sound like so I could recognize him when he appeared. What he “felt” like wasn’t even in my lexicon.  Well, not only did I feel a tad superficial, but I also was limiting my options, wasn’t I? 

Well after last night’s little tryst with Slow Hand, I realized that I needed to tweak my envisioning process.  Now, instead of mocking up tall, dark, handsome, smart, honest, talented, strong, alpha, and young at heart, with a sense of adventure, I am imagining what I’ll feel like when “it” happens.  I’m going to get out of my own way and let things unfold as they will.

Now don’t get me wrong.  I’m not holding my breath for Eric Clapton to show up, but the next guy who walks into my life and makes me feel like I did when Eric whispered in my ear, it will be game over.  And I won’t care if his nail polish is chipped.

Gotta run, got a gig, then, got a plane to catch.  Yep.  Busy right up ‘til the last second!

Branded by love-liness.

Buns xo

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vUSzL2leaFM