The Paradox of Healing

I have been wondering about health of late and it occurred to me that even following the right diet, eating healthy, a positive mindset, emotional and spiritual awareness, is no guarantee of healing a physical issue. I have been working with my health for a few years, clearing energy, getting to the root of possible beliefs that may be the source of dis-ease and still there is no change on the physical plane. So I wonder…how come?  What if trying to get rid of the discord is my contribution to maintaining the state.

What I mean is when a person gets ill they will fight, engage in a battle to rid themselves of the condition. Seems like a human enough response. And yet if one believes as I do, that inherent in every event, encounter or circumstance, is a beneficial intent, a special delivery if you will, sometimes wrapped up in a not so pretty package… well then the natural thing to do would be to open it up and wonder what its positive intention really is.

Perhaps we are still needing to learn something from the illness. If rest and self care is a need that is not being met the function of the dis-ease could be to ensure that rest occurs.

 If our lives are not fulfilled the illness could promote a “no time like the present attitude” to invite living life to the fullest.

Perhaps we are actually more comfortable dealing with pain that we would be with the unfamiliar joy of complete health. The absence of pain either physically or emotionally could seem entirely foreign if one has lived with many years of coping or struggling. The intent of the illness could be to illuminate this mindset and correct it.

Life is not meant to be a struggle. Challenges occur sure, but what if our task is to navigate them with grace and ease no matter how difficult the stormy seas. I like surrounding myself with people who know this and align with the task, not just give it lip service. It helps me remember.

So on that note when Buns suggested an Energy Reading that is part of her spiritual practice I said yes without missing a beat. Perfect timing with all my current meanderings.

I arrived early, was led to a row of 5 chairs with one empty. I naturally slid into the empty one, totally missing that there was a lone chair facing all the others. Unless I was going to read myself I was in the wrong spot. Weird… when I switched to the solo spot and felt the intense scrutiny of the four novice readers looking at me I still felt like I was meant to be reading them. And then the chair across from me was filled by Kelly and I settled in for receiving information.

It was fascinating, illuminating, interesting and finally after about an hour... transforming. As I asked my question about the root of my health challenge opening to its positive intention, I heard that I was still creating a paradigm that was looking at it as something separate. I was looking outside of myself. As the penny dropped, it was not a mental awareness but rather a shift of energy as I literally slid back inside and centered as Self.

Ah…be IN relationship with it. I had thought that was what I was doing and yet in this moment, as I relaxed and sank into sensation I actually felt the difference between mentally thinking about the relationship and BEING in relationship. Wow..what a gold nugget.

I have created a belief that tells me that my safety rests in understanding. That is limiting if my only way to understand is through the mental body. So a clunk, a drop and ahhhh… the words “I am intact” landed with a sigh of shifting sensation.

Tears are the only response for the depth of gratitude when one returns home to oneself, especially when you hadn’t realized you had left.

Thanks to the brave souls who offered their gift to me in the form of an energy reading.  I felt welcomed and nourished.

We all have the power to heal and yet it is only in our connection to the quantum field that softness is generated, acceptance of our wholeness and the knowing that anything but this state is actually illusion.

First within. Then without.

Branded by faith,

Authentically Yours

Marty

Roses in the Snow

I just returned from a trip to my hometown where my mom, three sisters, brother, their partners, and all ten of our kids gathered to mourn and celebrate my Dad.

What a week it was.  From cancelled flights, to sub-zero weather, tons of snow, lots of tears, and many tasks to complete, it was destined to be a stressfest.  Nothing could be further from the truth. From beneath the blanket of sadness, grew something beautiful.  Like a flower, peeking up through the snow.

We all hunkered down at my Mom’s place and went to work.  We had three days to pull together our ideas for two visitations and a service.  We all wanted to be involved, to dive into the process of letting Dad go. We wanted to create a send off that befitted him – elegant, graceful, musical, and light- and warm-hearted.  

Dad was known for many things but what we wanted to highlight was his passion for Korea (where he was born), teaching (his life-long profession), music (he was instrumental in having a Casavant Frères pipe organ installed in the church), flying, (he was a pilot), Found’s Island (our family summer place since 1952), and an unshakeable devotion to his family.

We gathered bits of memorabilia and were able to put together a beautiful visual of all his loves.  Stones and branches from the island (and the old “Found’s Island” sign) were put together in one corner; yearbooks, school uniforms, and certificates signified his teaching years; tiny organ pipes and his favourite music was skillfully woven into the flower arrangements; and hundreds of family photographs were on display all around the room.  Dad’s ashes were placed in a beautiful “chong” – a tiny Korean chest. It was a perfect setting for his long-time friends, relatives, colleagues, and students, to spend time remembering him.  It was a joyous occasion… many commented on how uplifting it was to be there, to talk about Dad, and reminisce with laughter about the many good times we shared with him.

His memorial service was equally fitting.  The choir sang to the accompaniment of the organ, played by our original organist.  We all had a say in what music we wanted to hear and she played it beautifully.  We each wrote a memory about Dad (or Poppa, as he is known by his grandkids) and the stories were read aloud during the service.  Everyone sang “Jesus Loves Me” in Korean.  The meditation was very apropos… urging all who knew him to “go out and do likewise”.  Dad was a very kind and inspiring man. 

It was probably one of the best times I’ve ever spent with my family (excluding the escapades together when we were younger, before we all went our separate ways).  Even though Dad wasn’t there to pitch in physically, he was absolutely there in spirit.  The last night before I left, there were 27 people at the house for dinner.  We gathered in the living room, and before we joined hands to sing Johnny Appleseed (at the top of our lungs as Dad would have done), we placed the chong right in the centre and all sang to him.  We raised the roof in his honour.

I will never forget this past week.  We learned a lot about each other and about Dad – things that we didn’t know before.  (I found out that he never liked long hair, so in his honour and as a gesture of letting go, I cut about 10 inches off my mane yesterday – it was time!) We all learned a lot about having joy and laughter in the midst of sadness.  We immersed ourselves in all that Dad stood for.  It was beautiful.

Dad… Thank you for everything you taught me.  You were an amazing man.  (And I hope you like my haircut!)

Branded by Bruce,

Authentically yours,

Buns xo

P.S.  For your listening pleasure… one of my favourite Emmylou Harris songs. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gs-wOyMjJMw

 

Making Music

Life is not meant to make us happy. It is meant to make us feel. This idea has been sitting with me, beside me… inside me. I am befriending it and allowing the impact to lead me to a greater sense of self acceptance.

Buns dad passed last week and the grace and heart that she emanated while still fully feeling, was a gift to behold. You my friend understand the idea that has been tapping at my soul, or perhaps from my soul in a way that defies description. Still I will try.

Witnessing you open to all your feelings invites a softer and more gentle connection. It invites compassion. Your unfolding is an inspiration and an invitation at the same time. An invitation for all of us to open, to recognize what is truly important in life and to engage with a playful spirit that includes all feelings, all situations, all of life’s curve balls.

 When I think of you I think of courage. I once read a quote that said ‘courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes it is the little voice at the end of the day that says, I’ll try again tomorrow. And that is you Buns…the little engine that could, the tenacious spirit of going for the gold. And while you have always had the focus of making everything positive I see you now also including a whole range of feelings. It’s not that you didn’t feel them before but now you are sharing them…what a treasure. Seeing you IN your feelings is the greatest gift of all. For when we drop the cover that we think we need to present and simply allow the feelings to come and go we are glowing with our human possibility, our indomitable capacity to include everything and still remain true to our core. As you so beautifully teach Buns, our essence is indestructible.

This essence is who we are and it cannot be lost or harmed, taken away or even dented. We can feel all those things but the truth is our essence is our solid sanctuary and the home that we are blessed with as long as we are here. It is our safety and autonomy. Our essence stands for the freedom to experience it all and never lose faith or a knowing of what is really true…even if we can’t see it with our eyes.

Thank you my friend for sharing that wisdom so graciously, for helping us remember to try to hit ALL the notes, not just the easy ones. Thank you for the music you bring to my life just by being.

I just know your dad is smiling when he feels the beauty that is you.

Branded by appreciation,

Authentically Yours,

Marty

Hello in there.

I found myself having a conversation in my head with my Dad this morning.  My Mom called yesterday and asked if I was okay with a decision to “AND” (allow natural death). While I am deeply saddened that Dad has deterioriated so quickly since I last saw him, I can completely go along with what feels best for him, and for my Mom.

Before she even called, I had been wondering if she had talked to Dad about letting go.  My belief is that even if he doesn’t appear to understand much of anything that is being said to him, I think at a much deeper level, he still hears us. I sit quietly every morning and say hello to him from 4,500 km away.  I thank him for who he is, what he taught me, and energetically check in with him to see how he is doing.

My words to him this morning went something like this… Hi Dad.  I know you’re having trouble eating now and all those tubes are confusing and awkward.  I just wanted you to know that I think you have done a magnificent job of being our Dad, and taking care of us so well.  You always put Mom and your five kids first.  Always. You need to know that we will all be okay when you go.  And we will look after Mom so you don’t need to worry about her.  

Last year I talked about him in one of my posts… I am repeating some of it here as it remains true to this day (and always will)…

This is why I think the world of Bruce Cass Found…

He taught me how to laugh.  And be silly.  (Something that I continue to perfect…)

He showed me how to make other people feel really good about themselves – especially when he first would meet them.  He always talks about other people in superlatives.  He always finds what is best about other people and describes them that way.

He remembers people and what matters to them.

He followed his dream to fly.  To have a cottage on an island (which will always be one of my favourite places on the planet).

He gave me my love of music.  I can picture his hands playing hymns on the piano.  I can hear him in the car singing "Home on the Range" with all of us chiming in in harmony.  I can see us all doubled up in laughter as he himself would have to pull over to the side of the road because he too was laughing so hard. I love how he was always fascinated by church organs.

He shows me how to love.  And he loves Mom to bits.   And I know he loves each of us too.  (And one of the tenderest moments that I ever shared with Dad was the first time I saw him after Duncan died.  He just sat beside me and held my hand without saying a word.  I will never forget that moment as long as I live.  It meant so much to me.)

The last time I saw Dad was at my nephew’s wedding in Toronto.  While he was confined to a wheelchair, Dad was quite aware of what was going on and he was able to enjoy seeing his all his kids and grandkids dancing and singing together (with him in the middle as we swirled him around). It was a great to see him so happy and surrounded by love.

So while I anxiously await the phonecall, I rest in the knowledge that he will be released from his physical constraints and free to travel the universe, spreading love, healing, and laughter wherever he goes.

I’m hoping he’ll come out here for a visit.

Branded by love and gratitude,

Authentically yours,

Buns

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FJ85Hep0kD0

Lose your mind and create a new one.

Why do we have to break the habit of being ourselves, I asked Dr. Joe Dispenza who I was interviewing last week on the radio. He talks fast, so get ready...

In a nutshell… “the same thoughts result in the same choices, the same choices result in the same behaviors, the same behaviors result in the same experiences, the same experiences result in the same emotions, the same emotions drive the same thoughts”, and around we go! You are stuck in a conditioned program from the past forgetting not only that you created it but that you are continuing to create it daily.

Your personality creates your reality and your biology actually organizes itself to reflect your thoughts. So new thoughts fired in the brain, wire together and result in new behaviors, which result in new experiences, which result in new emotions, and more new thoughts. This he calls evolution and says we can become an entirely different self physiologically through this process. Makes me want to send out the thought police to get myself in order.

Actually if my outer world is a refection of my inner world the idea of a Thought Clearing Boot Camp, isn’t bad. Gather a group of like-minded folk for a month, move in together and literally re-wire ourselves. We would live for thirty days as if the future reality we desire is already here. We would wake up to old outdated thoughts and let go of old memorized emotions from the past and instead cultivate what Dispenza calls ‘elevated emotions’ like gratitude and joy. The protocol is his, birthed from his years of research as a neuroscientist. The boot camp idea is mine.

I have done it before a few times when I was yearning for accelerated expansion.

Once I created a Relationship Boot Camp with a man who was convinced he was in love with me after only three months of communication. We met for the first time at the start of our three-week self-created program. The worst that could happen I figured was we would learn some great relationship skills. Long story, very intense, and suffice to say that by the end of it he not only didn’t know if he was in love, he didn’t know who he was.

Yup, existential meltdown. At least it was at a wonderful beach house in Ucluelet and we had two weeks of bliss before he succumbed to taking off his mask and being floored by what he discovered. He had read lots of books on personal transformation but just hadn’t worked with people so he had no tools to meet himself authentically. For all of us that means loving our imperfections and he wasn’t able at that time.

The other time was Spiritual Boot Camp where my friend and I exchanged lists of goals we wanted and couldn’t seem to achieve. The premise was that the other person would have total control over our agenda for 30 days and the power to dictate what we should do to attain what we said we wanted.

Did it work? No.

But what a riot watching one’s reactivity to being told what to do, even if it was in the interest of what we said we wanted. Even the repetition of meditation, exercise, good nutrition and emotional release didn’t create lasting change. At best we grew our friendship and earned T-shirts that said “I cry more before 8 am than most people in a lifetime”. Tongue in cheek but true, as we cultivated catharsis at 6 am, multi-tasking processing emotions with our physical workout.

What’s different in Dispenza’s approach is the focus on thought, biology and creating a body experience of a future reality as if it has already happened. The body can’t tell the difference, he says, if you are biologically connected to a new future. And if you are cultivating the emotions that would result if you had what you wanted, the brain re-wires as if the experience has already happened. You create new synaptic connections.

That state then broadcasts a message to the quantum field that magnetizes to you in form, your desire. Cool huh? Living ahead of time is living by the quantum law. Physical evidence will show up in your life to support this.

Manifesting 101…testing 1…2…3!

I think Buns and I have been doing our own versions of living this quantum law already. Whenever we spark together and we take risks beyond our familiar comfort zone, our joy or gratitude expands. In that moment we are broadcasting a message to the quantum field. And when this transmission becomes an unshakable habit, that is when dreams really do come true.

Branded by Trust,

Authentically Yours

Marty

Still got the blues for you. Part 2.

Five years ago this week, my two sons, their Dad, and I were organizing our first band rehearsal.  With much excitement, we converged on the house that the boys had built together with Al. I remember, with crystal-clear acuity, watching the two of them drive their jeeps up the steep driveway, and I thought about how proud I was of both of them... they had good jobs, were happy and we all were in the throes of creating something new and joyful together.  We played many songs that night – Duncan inspiring us to new musical heights with his beautiful guitar solos, and Sean knocking us off our feet with a voice that we hadn’t realized was so powerful and perfectly pitched. We played Gary Moore’s “Still got the blues for you”, and as I left to go home, I turned to him and said, “I love you, Dunc.” It was the last time I saw his precious face.

I am very grateful.  That those were my last words. That we spent our last hours together doing something we all enjoyed immensely.  That we spent it as a family even though we were not together any more. That the first face he saw when he was born was mine, full of love. And our last glance was one of deep love as well.

As the five-year mark of his passing looms, I am having more than usual moments of indescribable longing to see his handsome, smiling face, to hear him speak to me again, and to have him give me one of his trademark bear hugs.  God I miss that kid.  And yet he is with me all the time.  And most days, I feel his radiance and I know others do too.

I don’t know whether he has anything to do with this, but it seems when I need him the most, someone who needs me more shows up. A mere acquaintance that I hadn’t talked to in a long time happened to run into me and she was obviously upset.  When I asked her what was going on, she said it was exactly a year ago that she had to make a decision to take her young son off life support.  It was her first anniversary and I know, deep in my bones, that we were supposed to talk. While she believes I helped her with her process, she was just as instrumental in helping me regain my perspective in that moment.  The same thing happened with a 22-year-old who just lost his Mom.  He was in complete shock and reached out to me for consolation. I hope he knows that I was just as consoled as he was (if not more).

Yes, these are sad stories but at the same time I’m inspired by the human spirit that we all have within us that chooses to grow from these experiences. This is my life.  It’s because of, not in spite of these events that I am opting to squeeze every last bit of juice from the fruits.  Not always easy, to be sure, but there is sweetness if you have a thirst for it.

I will probably go to Whistler on the weekend and have a sit on his bench again.  I am hoping for good weather so we can light a little bonfire in his honour at the beach where he grew up. I am looking ahead to a year of new learnings, more sweetness, and a renewed zest for what already is a wonderful life.

Branded by indomitableness,

Authentically yours,

Buns

P.S.  I just realized that I wrote a similar piece a couple of years ago and included Gary Moore's song for you to hear.  I decided to change it up a bit ...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E2VCwBzGdPM

The Auditory Effect

Flying to Phoenix via San Francisco we missed our connecting flight. You know that choice point we are often faced with... get verklempt, contracted and upset or open to the possibilities in a new albeit unforeseen event trusting the universe has another adventure in store for us.

Well come on, it's Buns and Marty. You know what we chose.

We linked arms with a fellow traveller named Guy and as he maneuvered our entry into the first class lounge we made the moment of connection more important than stressing about the future. Here is the thing about aligning with expansive choices, they ripple out and generate more of themselves.

Three hours sped by as we enjoyed ourselves, setting our kids up for romance and planning their fantasy wedding. My son and Guy's  daughter sounded like a perfect match and as selfish yentas, we figured it would be fun to be in-laws.

Yes, it's all about us!
So there we were, bubbling in a soup of transparent sharing, feeling great and revelling in mutual discovery. Fun!

My initial connection with Guy was sparked by a recognition of being kindred spirits around our perspective on the service industry. My parents were in the restaurant business and I was raised with a 'customer is always right' attitude.  I received complaints and no matter how unfair or unmerited would proceed to make things better, with a smile.

So now when I am paying for a service and it is not up to par, I speak up. If I am met with attitude, defense, or lack of response I up the ante and ask to speak to a supervisor. Guy understood this and shared the same sentiment. Not everyone does and some people get downright uncomfortable when faced with this kind of assertiveness.

Yet when Buns shared that she too at times felt uncomfortable I decided to challenge myself with a little experiment. I call it The Auditory Effect. I decided that I would still speak up when service was not quite right but with a conscious commitment to a tone of sweetness and wrapped in a softer, friendlier package.

I had lots of opportunities to practice over the following days... no washcloths in the bathroom, no shower caps, poor lighting in the makeup mirror and runny egg whites with room service. Lots of reasons to complain and yet I stayed true to the concept of  having fun with this.  I would still say what I normally would but now it was sandwiched with a "hi, how are you doing" and some silliness and good humor.

I really got to experience people more clearly this way, validate them and let them know that I believed in their ability to make things right. I oozed gratitude and laughed often. So did Buns and soon we would both be in stitches as I played with my new tonal Pollyanna. And... I got everything I wanted and more. People went out of their way to accommodate and those that started cranky got turned around and became far more pleasant.

This one is a keeper.  I am going to take this auditory effect to mastery and soon my new habit  will become my new normal. I am not being fake either. I am finding the sugar in my essence and deciding to lead with it. It's like chocolate, almost everyone responds well to it.

How sweet it is being sweet in Phoenix!

Branded by evolution,

Authentically Yours,
Marty