All you need is chocolate.

Photo credit: rhymes with orange photography

I am still basking in the afterglow of the love and joy that abounded at my son and new daughter-in-law’s wedding two weekends ago.  Am I just biased or was it the most beautiful, heart-felt, wholesome, genuine, marriage ceremony and reception I have ever witnessed?

Of the more than 100 guests, 30 family and friends travelled from Ontario to be here. The table decorations were creatively designed by my son, and skillfully executed by my mom and sister (including hand-painted, rustic table signs, named after coastal islands). My two other sisters jumped in to help with floral arrangements in the reception room as well as making the aisle markers out of antique sheets of music (love songs of course) and filling them with roses, lavender, and sage. The music was home-grown (we even got the bride up on the stage for the first time ever to sing a tune). The usual suspects who perform at our annual fundraiser for Duncan’s scholarship fund were all there to play fabulous dance music for the night.

I was astounded by the thought and care that went into the planning.  There wasn’t a detail missed.  Probably the biggest challenge for the celebration was to include Duncan in the festivities but in a subtle way that wouldn’t overshadow the bride and groom’s special day.  His presence in spirit was beautifully acknowledged with a toast to brotherhood (accompanied by the obligatory shot of Jack Daniels) and one of the musicians played his guitar. A very close family friend provided a beautiful sampler of top-notch chocolates for each guest (one of which was flavoured with JD). The message on each tiny box of chocolates was “All you need is love”. http://beta5.myshopify.com

I learned so much about my son in the week preceding the wedding.  Who he really is as a soul totally shone (pun intended) in so many wonderful ways.  The care with which he made sure every detail was thought out ahead of time was very touching. I was privileged to be right in front of him to catch the look on his face when he first saw his lovely bride making her way down the aisle.  The depth of love he has for her is obvious (and she for him).  And he chose a song that I had recorded years ago for our mother-son dance. I was incredibly touched by that. I love that kid so much.

It was a beautiful and inspiring day and one that will remain fresh in my mind for a long time to come.

Arriving home has been quite an about-face.  My roommate has moved out – I now have the place to myself – and the level of interaction with others has gone from 10 to 0.  I’m used to running at about an 8, so this is a new world for me.  As well, with no “work” to go to, other than my kitchen desk, I am removed somewhat from the madding crowd, and to top it all off, my son and his wife are moving to Calgary this weekend. 

So I find myself with a business I can run from anywhere in the world, no close family to keep me here, and all the cottages where I live are up for sale.  Everything is up for grabs right now! The world is truly my oyster and it is quite exciting to think of the possibilities!

For now, however, I shall stay put and get used to the quiet.  Any decisions I make at this point must be made from love, not fear.  I have to resist the urge to “do” something just for the sake of doing something. And, as if the universe knew I needed some advice, I received a card that was drawn for me…

Patience is quiet hope and faith that things will turn out right. We trust the process of life. We are not hasty. We do not rush or allow ourselves to be overcome by pressure. Patience helps us to endure things we cannot control with a peaceful heart. We respond to mistakes or delays, not with judgment but gentleness. We recognize the lessons that come through waiting, and receive them as gifts unfolding with Divine timing. Patience brings acceptance. It calls us to be still in the moment, to be restful and to listen deeply. Patience soothes our souls. (Thank you ML!)

I shall be patient.  I know that all you need is love (and chocolate).

Authentically yours,

Buns

P.S.  Can’t leave without a little tune… https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZXL08IoNKiE

…and…

I can’t think of a better place to have a West Coast wedding than the Tigh-Na-Mara Seaside Spa and Resort in Parksville on Vancouver Island. The setting was absolutely perfect.  http://www.tigh-na-mara.com

Awakening

Surrounded by men on my recent journey to France I learned a few things. They kiss by 3’s in the south and only on 2 cheeks in the north. But they kiss…each other!   How lovely!

And almost every Frenchman I met in the countryside has great biceps that definitely were not sculpted in a gym. But I digress. I want to talk about the generous nature of men and in particular my dear friend Aarin who enticed me to take my recent trip to France and a new friend James who welcomed me into his home so graciously.

Words like never and always are infuriating to me. Use them frequently enough and you will find me poking holes at your generalizations trying to pluck out that one exception that dissolves the rest. And so when at a wine tasting Aarin was using exactly that kind of vocabulary talking about the grapes we sampling, I was momentarily taken aback.

I have spent my life blowing up boxes. Was I being now asked to enter another one, albeit a tasty one?  Was acceptance of some of the extremely rigid rules of growing grapes the price of admission to the club? I decided to stretch my thinking.

What if breaking rules simply because they were rules was actually an act of adolescent rebellion? Perhaps you first have to know what the rules are in order to decide to ignore them. 

And what if rules are not inherently bad or constricting but can actually create standards that offer consistency in a world of massive variables.

When I look at all the rules in wine making AND all the exceptions to the rules it makes my head spin. 

So where do I learn more? Cue the music. Enter James Dunstan, writer and wine importer who lives part of the year in Vacqueyras in the beautiful Southern Rhone part of Provence. Wine has been produced in this region since the 15^th century and the photo above depicts just how charming the village is. 

James has become my hero of the grape and his knowledge of wine and passion for quality seems to surpass famous American wine critic Robert Parker's penchant for high scores.  James was not only a fountain of information, he invited us into a world of mouthwatering sensations that while focused on wines also included music and conversation and superb taste treats from the local countryside.  His gift pairs his love of musical tracks with the perfect libation, and we reveled in this ambiance at his glorious home.

I tend to translate names into verbs when I am struck by the remarkable in a person’s character.  So while ‘Do a Grace Kelly’ means to take the high road, and ‘Do a Buns and Marty’ means you jump both feet into the next adventure that presents itself, ‘ Do a James Dunstan’ means you are going for the best. Be it a gorgeous wine, a simple luxury, a decadent treat or creating a moment that will resonate in memory, his taste for quality and a full bodied experience of sensual pleasure is to be appreciated.  Check out his blog at www.jamesdunstan.jp 

There is a lovely wine we enjoyed later in Paris called  L’Empreinte de Saint Mont 2011 . Its label reads. ‘ Laisser dans le temp une idee precise du plausir.’   It means, know the moment that pleasure enters.   This motto reflects my experience at James’s table. Pleasure and gratitude seeped into my pores. The delight was auditory, gustatory and held the resonate zing of meaningful connection.  This is how to live! 

Thank you gentlemen.  My heart says "Merci beaucoup."

Branded by the senses:

Authentically Yours,

Marty

The Chaos of Desire

Arriving in Paris, white cave tunnels sing with symphonic overtures of magnificent sound. Seriously, there are speakers in the stone. I know I'm a sentimental baby and I know it's faux and still I cry in wonder knowing that something wonderful is about to happen. Indeed IS happening. And no it's not the jet lag.

Paris seems wIld with man's triumph over nature, embracing chaos with gardens both overgrown in disarray and manicured with pristine topiaries....in the same square. The harmony in this marriage is not necessarily soothing but has the ring of truth, yes?  Life would flow more smoothly if we agreed to accept the messy bits and co-exist. Managing gardens with precision is not only exhausting but denies chaos its remarkable teaching opportunities.  Like an apparition, the unknown enters best when left to its own devices.  And my part in this cacophony of living is to say yes. And so I do.

As man's testament to power and mastery echoes around us in stone, we indulge in earthly pleasures. From simple lunches in ornate gold-leafed rooms to sipping wines in sidewalk cafés, we open to the call of art.

The art of conversation. The art of food. The art of taste, both subtle and obvious. We crush ambivalence with the certainty that Paris, as a treasure trove of experience, offers its sweet and edgy mouth with the temptation of a lover, the softness of a kiss.

A French kiss. 

"Do you want me?" she asks.

Embrasse moi!

And I let that kiss fill me. The inhale soothes the raw places, letting light caress corners where I still tremble in the dark. 

Branded by a sigh.

Authentically yours,

Madamoiselle Marty.

Yikes and yippee!

This time of year is a very poignant one for me.  I celebrate both my sons’ birthdays – Sean is now 33, and Dunc would have been 29 this May.  Both occasions bring back so many memories… the first time I held Sean my life changed forever…  (for the better, in case you are reading this, Sean). The minute he was born, the look on his face said “look out world, here I come!”, and he has remained true to that ever since.  He makes me laugh, he is so talented, energetic, and very compassionate. An absolute joy of a son.

Dunc also made a statement in his short life… commitment to extreme achievement and a fierce love of mischief.  He inspired many… and he made us laugh too.  The messages from friends and family each year on his birthday never cease to amaze me.  He is not forgotten and he is loved.

I’ve been so busy being proud of my boys that I haven’t really taken stock of me lately.  It wasn’t until my niece asked me if I would be her texting buddy and tell each other what we are proud about each day, that I started thinking about me. I rose to the challenge, in part because I don’t ever give it much thought and knew instinctively it would be a good thing to do. I wanted to support her too.

We are having a ton of fun with it and it actually makes me do things I wouldn’t normally do – like exercise everyday (instead of coming up with reasons why I can put it off), or taking the time to play piano and learn new songs. It’s actually making me look at my fear of commitment.  Who knew?

One day, I was really coming up empty with things to report and I told her that.  Her reply the next morning…

Just in case no one told you today:

Good morning

You're beautiful

I love you

Nice butt

I cracked up.  She’s great.  I’m looking forward to catching up with her when I go back east for my 60^th (yikes) birthday this week.

Celebrations for that big event have begun in earnest.  Last week, I was fêted at Tao Organics by a dear friend… a fabulous raw food feast and some very thoughtful gifts (my favourite being a beautiful carved box with 60 hand-written quotes on cards, festooned with crystals).  I was so touched by the time and the care put into this gift, it brought tears to my eyes.  I read a quote each morning now and I am reminded of how rich I truly am.

https://www.facebook.com/TAOOrganics

Next on the hit parade is a dinner on Bowen Island with long-time friends tonight.  I can’t wait… they both are amazing in the kitchen and we always have a fabulous time together.

Then it’s off to Oakville where my Ontario-based gang is taking over the Moonshine Café for a rousing jam with some amazing musicians (including Sean – yay!).  I’ll get to see my Mom on my actual birthday too. 

When I get back, we’re doing it all over again at the Troller Ale House in Horseshoe Bay – surrounded by talented friends, we’re kickin’ it up both in my honour and as a fundraiser for Dunc’s charity.  (It’s my way of having him at my birthday party!)

https://www.facebook.com/TrollerAleHouse

http://www.accesstomusic.ca/music/scholarship-trust/duncan-mcphee-memorial-scholarship/

Shortly after recovering from all this frivolity we hit the ground running with Sean and Kristina’s wedding. 

Will it ever end?  I hope not.

I love my life.

Branded by joie de vivre…

Buns.

P.S.  I couldn’t decide between these tracks so I’m sharing both… enjoy.  And thank you for being part of my life.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3QWkWwxdzRk

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dELKUivJo4w

Pits and all!

I am in the middle of a four day blind date weekend. He flew up from Sacramento yesterday and we met on Cloud Nine, the revolving lounge with panoramic views of Vancouver. It seemed poetic and a good way to show him the sights without wearing out my high heels. That first moment was good. Lovely eyes, a friendly twinkle and here is the thing with internet dating, we had shared many hours on the phone for the past few months so finally putting a face to the voice, I felt like I knew him. Let’s call him Cali, short for California.

He told me his Dad used to say “This is alright, yup this is alright.” whenever he paused and absorbed the goodness all around him.

I heard Cali say that a lot last night. At Black and Blue as we sat on the roof top by a wall of fire, www.glowbalgroup.com/blackblue/ later at my place for a tequila nightcap that he whipped up called a Cadillac, sipping on my balcony into the wee hours, comfortable with the meandering conversation, yes, it certainly had been alright. For me the cherry on top came when Cali took my hand and guided me into an embrace as we swayed to the music. Can’t remember the last time a man was so old school charming. I liked it. 

And you couldn’t find two souls who appear to be as different as we two. I am transparent, he is guarded. I am an open book, he is very private.  Yet acceptance is something we all crave as human beings. Acceptance when we see sameness is easy, it’s learning to accept another when we see things differently that calls for a rise in consciousness. 

The term acceptance has been bandied about and I believe misunderstood. Certainly when we are in touch with our spiritual nature this state of being is attainable yet we are also human.  In reality no adult can love another without conditions, at least not for very long. The term unconditional love is defined as absolute and unqualified. This type of love is possible with children and pets. But with adult intimate relationships we all have conditions, also known as human needs. And while acceptance is a profound healing process since it means you are continually trying to embrace the whole person you love including their limitations, if you set yourself up to say you should always accept another no matter what, it seems to me that you would have to throw your needs out the window and try for sainthood. And the bummer about being a saint is the long way down in the inevitable fall from grace. Ouch! Been there, felt that.

At best here is what I am committed to doing. I give up trying to change another. I will own and work with any negative thinking I notice in me and I will practice meditating when I feel stuck or in judgment and choose instead to open and soften my heart.

After that, who knows?  I long to have my heart broken open in devotion. I long to breath in grace and surrender to the divine masculine. More on what that means another time. 

And the cherry on top? We shall see. One thing I do know is it is sweet, almost naïve in its simplicity…and alright. Yup…it’s a bit of alright.

Branded by that first juicy bite.

Authentically Yours,

Marty