Hello in there.

I found myself having a conversation in my head with my Dad this morning.  My Mom called yesterday and asked if I was okay with a decision to “AND” (allow natural death). While I am deeply saddened that Dad has deterioriated so quickly since I last saw him, I can completely go along with what feels best for him, and for my Mom.

Before she even called, I had been wondering if she had talked to Dad about letting go.  My belief is that even if he doesn’t appear to understand much of anything that is being said to him, I think at a much deeper level, he still hears us. I sit quietly every morning and say hello to him from 4,500 km away.  I thank him for who he is, what he taught me, and energetically check in with him to see how he is doing.

My words to him this morning went something like this… Hi Dad.  I know you’re having trouble eating now and all those tubes are confusing and awkward.  I just wanted you to know that I think you have done a magnificent job of being our Dad, and taking care of us so well.  You always put Mom and your five kids first.  Always. You need to know that we will all be okay when you go.  And we will look after Mom so you don’t need to worry about her.  

Last year I talked about him in one of my posts… I am repeating some of it here as it remains true to this day (and always will)…

This is why I think the world of Bruce Cass Found…

He taught me how to laugh.  And be silly.  (Something that I continue to perfect…)

He showed me how to make other people feel really good about themselves – especially when he first would meet them.  He always talks about other people in superlatives.  He always finds what is best about other people and describes them that way.

He remembers people and what matters to them.

He followed his dream to fly.  To have a cottage on an island (which will always be one of my favourite places on the planet).

He gave me my love of music.  I can picture his hands playing hymns on the piano.  I can hear him in the car singing "Home on the Range" with all of us chiming in in harmony.  I can see us all doubled up in laughter as he himself would have to pull over to the side of the road because he too was laughing so hard. I love how he was always fascinated by church organs.

He shows me how to love.  And he loves Mom to bits.   And I know he loves each of us too.  (And one of the tenderest moments that I ever shared with Dad was the first time I saw him after Duncan died.  He just sat beside me and held my hand without saying a word.  I will never forget that moment as long as I live.  It meant so much to me.)

The last time I saw Dad was at my nephew’s wedding in Toronto.  While he was confined to a wheelchair, Dad was quite aware of what was going on and he was able to enjoy seeing his all his kids and grandkids dancing and singing together (with him in the middle as we swirled him around). It was a great to see him so happy and surrounded by love.

So while I anxiously await the phonecall, I rest in the knowledge that he will be released from his physical constraints and free to travel the universe, spreading love, healing, and laughter wherever he goes.

I’m hoping he’ll come out here for a visit.

Branded by love and gratitude,

Authentically yours,

Buns

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FJ85Hep0kD0

Lose your mind and create a new one.

Why do we have to break the habit of being ourselves, I asked Dr. Joe Dispenza who I was interviewing last week on the radio. He talks fast, so get ready...

In a nutshell… “the same thoughts result in the same choices, the same choices result in the same behaviors, the same behaviors result in the same experiences, the same experiences result in the same emotions, the same emotions drive the same thoughts”, and around we go! You are stuck in a conditioned program from the past forgetting not only that you created it but that you are continuing to create it daily.

Your personality creates your reality and your biology actually organizes itself to reflect your thoughts. So new thoughts fired in the brain, wire together and result in new behaviors, which result in new experiences, which result in new emotions, and more new thoughts. This he calls evolution and says we can become an entirely different self physiologically through this process. Makes me want to send out the thought police to get myself in order.

Actually if my outer world is a refection of my inner world the idea of a Thought Clearing Boot Camp, isn’t bad. Gather a group of like-minded folk for a month, move in together and literally re-wire ourselves. We would live for thirty days as if the future reality we desire is already here. We would wake up to old outdated thoughts and let go of old memorized emotions from the past and instead cultivate what Dispenza calls ‘elevated emotions’ like gratitude and joy. The protocol is his, birthed from his years of research as a neuroscientist. The boot camp idea is mine.

I have done it before a few times when I was yearning for accelerated expansion.

Once I created a Relationship Boot Camp with a man who was convinced he was in love with me after only three months of communication. We met for the first time at the start of our three-week self-created program. The worst that could happen I figured was we would learn some great relationship skills. Long story, very intense, and suffice to say that by the end of it he not only didn’t know if he was in love, he didn’t know who he was.

Yup, existential meltdown. At least it was at a wonderful beach house in Ucluelet and we had two weeks of bliss before he succumbed to taking off his mask and being floored by what he discovered. He had read lots of books on personal transformation but just hadn’t worked with people so he had no tools to meet himself authentically. For all of us that means loving our imperfections and he wasn’t able at that time.

The other time was Spiritual Boot Camp where my friend and I exchanged lists of goals we wanted and couldn’t seem to achieve. The premise was that the other person would have total control over our agenda for 30 days and the power to dictate what we should do to attain what we said we wanted.

Did it work? No.

But what a riot watching one’s reactivity to being told what to do, even if it was in the interest of what we said we wanted. Even the repetition of meditation, exercise, good nutrition and emotional release didn’t create lasting change. At best we grew our friendship and earned T-shirts that said “I cry more before 8 am than most people in a lifetime”. Tongue in cheek but true, as we cultivated catharsis at 6 am, multi-tasking processing emotions with our physical workout.

What’s different in Dispenza’s approach is the focus on thought, biology and creating a body experience of a future reality as if it has already happened. The body can’t tell the difference, he says, if you are biologically connected to a new future. And if you are cultivating the emotions that would result if you had what you wanted, the brain re-wires as if the experience has already happened. You create new synaptic connections.

That state then broadcasts a message to the quantum field that magnetizes to you in form, your desire. Cool huh? Living ahead of time is living by the quantum law. Physical evidence will show up in your life to support this.

Manifesting 101…testing 1…2…3!

I think Buns and I have been doing our own versions of living this quantum law already. Whenever we spark together and we take risks beyond our familiar comfort zone, our joy or gratitude expands. In that moment we are broadcasting a message to the quantum field. And when this transmission becomes an unshakable habit, that is when dreams really do come true.

Branded by Trust,

Authentically Yours

Marty

Still got the blues for you. Part 2.

Five years ago this week, my two sons, their Dad, and I were organizing our first band rehearsal.  With much excitement, we converged on the house that the boys had built together with Al. I remember, with crystal-clear acuity, watching the two of them drive their jeeps up the steep driveway, and I thought about how proud I was of both of them... they had good jobs, were happy and we all were in the throes of creating something new and joyful together.  We played many songs that night – Duncan inspiring us to new musical heights with his beautiful guitar solos, and Sean knocking us off our feet with a voice that we hadn’t realized was so powerful and perfectly pitched. We played Gary Moore’s “Still got the blues for you”, and as I left to go home, I turned to him and said, “I love you, Dunc.” It was the last time I saw his precious face.

I am very grateful.  That those were my last words. That we spent our last hours together doing something we all enjoyed immensely.  That we spent it as a family even though we were not together any more. That the first face he saw when he was born was mine, full of love. And our last glance was one of deep love as well.

As the five-year mark of his passing looms, I am having more than usual moments of indescribable longing to see his handsome, smiling face, to hear him speak to me again, and to have him give me one of his trademark bear hugs.  God I miss that kid.  And yet he is with me all the time.  And most days, I feel his radiance and I know others do too.

I don’t know whether he has anything to do with this, but it seems when I need him the most, someone who needs me more shows up. A mere acquaintance that I hadn’t talked to in a long time happened to run into me and she was obviously upset.  When I asked her what was going on, she said it was exactly a year ago that she had to make a decision to take her young son off life support.  It was her first anniversary and I know, deep in my bones, that we were supposed to talk. While she believes I helped her with her process, she was just as instrumental in helping me regain my perspective in that moment.  The same thing happened with a 22-year-old who just lost his Mom.  He was in complete shock and reached out to me for consolation. I hope he knows that I was just as consoled as he was (if not more).

Yes, these are sad stories but at the same time I’m inspired by the human spirit that we all have within us that chooses to grow from these experiences. This is my life.  It’s because of, not in spite of these events that I am opting to squeeze every last bit of juice from the fruits.  Not always easy, to be sure, but there is sweetness if you have a thirst for it.

I will probably go to Whistler on the weekend and have a sit on his bench again.  I am hoping for good weather so we can light a little bonfire in his honour at the beach where he grew up. I am looking ahead to a year of new learnings, more sweetness, and a renewed zest for what already is a wonderful life.

Branded by indomitableness,

Authentically yours,

Buns

P.S.  I just realized that I wrote a similar piece a couple of years ago and included Gary Moore's song for you to hear.  I decided to change it up a bit ...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E2VCwBzGdPM

The Auditory Effect

Flying to Phoenix via San Francisco we missed our connecting flight. You know that choice point we are often faced with... get verklempt, contracted and upset or open to the possibilities in a new albeit unforeseen event trusting the universe has another adventure in store for us.

Well come on, it's Buns and Marty. You know what we chose.

We linked arms with a fellow traveller named Guy and as he maneuvered our entry into the first class lounge we made the moment of connection more important than stressing about the future. Here is the thing about aligning with expansive choices, they ripple out and generate more of themselves.

Three hours sped by as we enjoyed ourselves, setting our kids up for romance and planning their fantasy wedding. My son and Guy's  daughter sounded like a perfect match and as selfish yentas, we figured it would be fun to be in-laws.

Yes, it's all about us!
So there we were, bubbling in a soup of transparent sharing, feeling great and revelling in mutual discovery. Fun!

My initial connection with Guy was sparked by a recognition of being kindred spirits around our perspective on the service industry. My parents were in the restaurant business and I was raised with a 'customer is always right' attitude.  I received complaints and no matter how unfair or unmerited would proceed to make things better, with a smile.

So now when I am paying for a service and it is not up to par, I speak up. If I am met with attitude, defense, or lack of response I up the ante and ask to speak to a supervisor. Guy understood this and shared the same sentiment. Not everyone does and some people get downright uncomfortable when faced with this kind of assertiveness.

Yet when Buns shared that she too at times felt uncomfortable I decided to challenge myself with a little experiment. I call it The Auditory Effect. I decided that I would still speak up when service was not quite right but with a conscious commitment to a tone of sweetness and wrapped in a softer, friendlier package.

I had lots of opportunities to practice over the following days... no washcloths in the bathroom, no shower caps, poor lighting in the makeup mirror and runny egg whites with room service. Lots of reasons to complain and yet I stayed true to the concept of  having fun with this.  I would still say what I normally would but now it was sandwiched with a "hi, how are you doing" and some silliness and good humor.

I really got to experience people more clearly this way, validate them and let them know that I believed in their ability to make things right. I oozed gratitude and laughed often. So did Buns and soon we would both be in stitches as I played with my new tonal Pollyanna. And... I got everything I wanted and more. People went out of their way to accommodate and those that started cranky got turned around and became far more pleasant.

This one is a keeper.  I am going to take this auditory effect to mastery and soon my new habit  will become my new normal. I am not being fake either. I am finding the sugar in my essence and deciding to lead with it. It's like chocolate, almost everyone responds well to it.

How sweet it is being sweet in Phoenix!

Branded by evolution,

Authentically Yours,
Marty

Meltdowns and miracles.

The lead up to this latest potential end of the world, and then Christmas (if we were still here) was like the Warrior Dash obstacle course ... short, sharp, and hardcore. Talk about being given messages to STOP what I was doing!  I needed to take note and make decisions moving forward that were absolutely in alignment with who I am – not who I want people to think I am.

Everything happened at once – an unexpected tax bill for our construction company (big one), a disappointing season in my retail world, tenants moving out of my condo, Dad still in the hospital, a friend’s mother dying suddenly (younger than me), and no exciting dates – all in all, the ingredients for a top-of-the-line, Grade A meltdown.  And the constant undercurrent of another Christmas looming without Dunc and his antics would creep up on me at the most inopportune moments. Frankly I was a mess.  And of course it all culminated on the 21st of December – normally my favourite day of the year as things get brighter from that point on (although in my throes of despair I failed to see the correlation).

So I called my Mom.  My history is rife with at least one epic breakdown before Christmas each year so I’m sure she was expecting my call.  She is good.  She was able to talk me down out of my panic attack, put one of my amazing sisters on the line, and I was able to gain a toehold on the concept that I would be fine.  364 days of the year, this is easy for me to believe.  Not this day.

So enough about me.  Time for the miracle stories. I was at work and in walked this very handsome man with whom I’m barely acquainted (and on whom I have a small crush). I hadn’t seen him for about 8 months.  He presented me with the most beautiful bouquet of flowers and said he had been thinking about me and how I must be feeling about Duncan and thought I’d appreciate them. 

Next, I was performing at Cypress Mountain, and right in the middle of singing “Santa baby, hurry down the chimney tonight”, a huge avalanche of snow off the roof came crashing down outside the window behind us.  Yes, Santa had arrived. 

Later that day we continued to our neighbourhood pub and put on an impromptu carol-singing session which got the crowd into a festive mood.  One of the guys listening had tears in his eyes (I knew the look) and so I asked him what was going on.  He said he had lost his Dad two years ago on Christmas Day and that he still had a hard time with it.  It told him about Duncan and somehow, helping him realize that his Dad is always around, helped me feel better.  The next day, he arrived with a huge bouquet of flowers to thank me for my openness and tenderness.  I didn’t even know his last name.

Then came Christmas Eve with Sean and his girlfriend.  As soon as I arrived, the first words out of his mouth were, “Mom, sit down.  Put your feet up. You don’t have to do a thing. ”  I’m sure he has no idea how sweet that was to my ears.  I sank into that couch and enjoyed the evening and Christmas morning with them thoroughly.

The day after Christmas, my wasband (rhymes with husband) gave me a gift that he and his wife had made.  It is so perfectly me that I burst into tears at the thought that he still knew me so well.  It was very touching. 

Today, my friend Denise who works for me at Presence, thanked me for encouraging her to look at Christmas in a completely new way and open her heart to enjoying it.  She said it was the first time in 55 years that she really did have a good Christmas and was grateful for my inspiration.

Oh, and my condo?  It’s been advertised in every nook and cranny for a month and not one bite.  I went to a Boxing Day party, ran into an old friend who said, “Your condo in Squamish isn’t by any chance available is it?” I’m showing it to his son on January 1st. 

It’s two days until 2013.  Marty and I will be spending our third New Year’s Eve together.  Full of ritual and delight, we plan to usher in a year of riches, success on all fronts, and a lot of laughs.  I can’t wait.

Branded by miracles,

Buns.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F-5oGnvfUEU

Ahhhhh........

Ahhh…is there any pleasure greater than breakfast in bed, in an out of town local with no expectation other than enjoyment. Snuggled in a crisp white duvet in the sunken bedroom, rich steamy coffee in hand, a fire dances next to the fresh pine vistas as  I try to decide between an invigorating hike up to Lost Lake or a soak in the massive Jacuzzi tub that sits a few steps up, smack dab in the middle of this space. I am a lucky girl today. It’s the Whistler Film Festival and we have blind picked a couple of films that sound promising. Tomorrow it’s brunch at Chateau Whistler and a full day soaking in the outdoor pools at the Scandinavian Spa.

 La la la la la….yes that’s me singing and doing a mental happy dance. Still not leaving this smooshy warm cocoon.

I had a random thought earlier. In my desire for authentic closeness I wondered if I get overly attached to the evaluation of what is real and what is not. If perception is simply a coating on the lens of the glasses we look at the world through, am I peering at those in front of me with critical eyes, eyes attached to outcome, eyes that have some sort of agenda? Do you know what I mean?

There is an exercise that illustrates this beautifully. Two people gaze into each other eyes and DECIDE what perception they will write on a pair of metaphorical glasses. Breathing deeply, you might start with seeing through the lens of thoughts like, this person loves me, this person is my friend, this person has my back and wants nothing but the best for me. You would notice your body’s response to those statements. Then taking off that pair of glasses you would put on another pair.

 This pair offers a perception based on negative thoughts like, this person does not like me, this person judges me, this person wants me to fail.  And again you would notice how your body responds. The difference is extreme. Now you have a quick and intense example of how the thoughts we run impact our physiological and emotional experience of the world and the people in it. What I love about this is it means I can choose ANY perception I want to govern my experience. I have the ability to be emotionally free based on what I am thinking.

So my random musings percolated into my consciousness as I wondered about what is written on my glasses when I have thoughts like, this person is not being authentic with me, this person is asleep, I can’t listen to another drop of the superficial drivel coming out of their mouth.

Oh I am so politically incorrect but honestly I sometimes feel like screaming “Stop, time is too precious, let’s get deep and real with each other, vulnerable and even messy but fully, utterly and completely alive!” And that’s when I wonder mmmm…. maybe I could just let go and love what is in front of me. Maybe I could chill and choose to perceive goodness or at the very least get curious and go with it. I could open my heart, breath and soften. Really what is real anyway but the love that is always available to be expressed…or not.

Ok. That’s my mantra for the day. On my glasses today with each person I meet, I will look through the eyes of, this person is unique, this person has a story, this person is the same as me. And I will breathe deeply as I do it.

Sigh. All is well. Oh and please universe, I know I am a dreamer, but a cold snap so we can play in the snow today would be bliss.

Branded by ease

Authentically Yours,

Marty

PS: Guess what…it happened…SNOW!! Yippee!

 

Druthers. I’ve got ’em.

For as long as I can remember, December 21st has been my favourite day of the year.  For me it symbolizes a new beginning. The days start to become longer, and I am filled with that phew-I-made-it feeling.  Even from a Mayan calendar point of view, I am looking forward to it.  Perhaps it will be the end of the world as we know it.  I, for one, believe it’s time.  Time to divest myself of all the things that don’t serve me well in a spiritual, physical, mental, and emotional sense.  Vamoose.  Be gone.

And I’m getting the sense that the universe is conspiring to help me make some hard choices about what to keep and what to let go.  In the past couple of months, I have experienced challenges that threatened to do me in, especially in my financial realm. From parking tickets to an unexpected tax bill to an empty condo (translation – no rental income), things are tight.  And yet for some reason, I am calm as I cast my gaze to include a wider horizon of possibilities.  I’m just starting to see that this is really an opportunity to take stock, and decide what can be discounted, written off, or forgiven. And I’m not just talking about merchandise.

What relationships, possessions, beliefs, grudges, or worries can I release? What really matters?  This is the time to declutter.  And I’m up for it.  I’m ready for a change.

I used to say if I had my druthers¹, I’d do certain things.  I’d sing for my supper.  I’d help others help themselves. I’d help build houses on a Caribbean island. I’d take my master gardener’s course. I’d go and visit my parents back East any time I wanted to. I’d earn an honest living without needing to have bricks and mortar as the veneer of successful entrepreneurship. My focus would be to use my talents well in the service of others.  A close friend of mine sent this to me the other day saying that he thought of me when he read it...

I slept and dreamed that life was joy.

I awoke and saw that life was service.

I acted and behold, service was joy.

Ravindranath Tagore

This is my druthers.

Branded by joy,

Buns xo

As I write this, my dad is in the hospital and there is the possibility that I may not see him again.  The last time I was with him, we had a wonderful visit and I was able to tell him how much I loved him and how he had so eloquently (yet silently) shown his support for me when my son passed away. I have been able to make a clean decision not to go back to see him before Christmas.  If that is to be last time I get to see him, it is a beautiful memory. I love you Dad... 

¹druth·ers: noun plural \ˈdrə-thərz\[Alteration of the phrase 'd rather, from would rather.]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z0GFRcFm-aY