Saturday, December 18, 2010

Confessions of an indomitable optimist

I don’t even know how to start this one Marty but I’m thinking it would be helpful to our readers to let them know a little bit about how we got to this point.  Some sub-text, if you will.  How’s this for starters? (You might want to go and make yourself a cup of tea … this is a long one …)

At the beginning of this year, I decided to state three intentions for 2010 – actually write them down and then see what the year would bring.  My first intention was to quit smoking (this after many years of starting and stopping and starting again … I’m sure some of you know this one).  The second one was to have a new career (and I didn’t have anything particular in mind).  And my third?  To get married.  (And there wasn’t a man in sight.)

Well, the first two were a piece of cake.  I just stopped smoking.  Done.  Finito.  Not a puff all year long.  And the new career?  Well, I should have been a little more specific – I definitely have two new ones and still have my old one (all of which I really enjoy) so this coming year is going to have an intention involving balance methinks.

As for getting married.  Well, what a ride this has been.  I remember when I called you Marty and I said, “Let’s go shopping for wedding dresses!”  I was so impressed with your response … you didn’t even blink, ask any questions, or anything!  You just said YES and the adventure began.  And you knew that I was not in a relationship with anyone.

Here’s what I was thinking.  Build it, he will come.  Seriously.  With the exception of Marty and a couple of others, most of my friends thought I was nuts.  I was simply having a whole lot of fun creating the space for my Prince Charming to show up and complete the scene.  Marty and I went looking for dresses.  One of my dear artist friends, Susie Wickstead (of Indigo Star fame) got on board and has designed beautiful jewellery.  I gave some serious thought to where I would have the ceremony.  And since Marty and I were unsuccessful the first time out, I took my Mom shopping and we picked a beautiful satiny fabric (I carry the swatch in my purse).  Another friend at Starfire gave me a book entitled 101 Best Places for Honeymoons.

So I’d pretty much done all that I could do and it was getting towards September. My friends started teasing me about the fact that I still didn’t have a man in my life.  I told them I wasn’t worried and that I absolutely believed in miracles, fairy tales, call them what you will.  (And I did have one serious suitor who completely fit the bill except my gut told me he wasn’t the right guy.  So even though a seemingly perfect guy showed up at the right time, I was still able to say no instead of seeing him as an answer to my mock-up and saying yes so I could quieten my disbelieving peanut gallery!)

Then in early September, I happened to be out for dinner in Squamish with a friend. She introduced me to two of her business partners who used to live in Penetanguishene, Ontario.  I told them I only knew one person that lived there.  And this was a guy that I hadn’t seen in over twenty years.  When I said his name, they just about fell off their chairs.  It seems they knew him very well, proceeded to call him on their cell, handed the phone to me and said, “Here. Talk to him.”  I left a message for him. I was stunned.  To reconnect with this man after such a long time! We had enjoyed working together in the ’70s and ’80s in Toronto.  We had not been in touch via email or phone for over ten years.  The two at our table were quite quick to point out that he was a very nice man and he was single. 

Since that fateful day, he and I have talked on the phone every day.  Yes, he is “The Robert”.  We have seen each other twice now and our third visit is in just nine more sleeps.  He is coming to Vancouver for the first time and I cannot wait to show him around and spend lots of time with him.  It feels like I have woken up in the middle of my own love story.

Oh.  But wait!  Here was the dicey part!  As all this was unfolding, Marty and I began to formulate some of our plans for the future.  We talked about writing a book together and then decided to get started with our writing right away … hence this blog, “Authentically Yours”.  Then I realized that to be truly authentic, I had to tell Robert all about my wedding plans.  Otherwise a) I couldn’t talk about it here, and b) what if he did ask me to marry him at some point and then found out that I had “planned” the whole thing?  Would he think I had manipulated him into it somehow? I had to fess up!  Let me tell you, this was a very scary thing to do.  I figured he would run ninety miles an hour in the opposite direction.  But I called him up (this was just after the first time we had seen each other), and I said I had a confession to make and that I was really nervous about telling him.  I told him.  There was dead silence at the other end of the line.  To me, it seemed like an eternity.  He then said very quietly, “I’m still here”.  Then he said, “But, do you think we could wait until after our second date until we talk about marriage?” I laughed with relief.  And he is still here.

So here’s the thing.  We don’t talk about getting married at all.  In my heart of hearts though, I now have what I was really asking for and that is a relationship with someone who is willing to be an open, intimate, and loving companion to me as I continue on my path.  And I am delighted to be the same to him. 

Marty, I think you and I should start 2011 by stating our intentions again and sharing them here.  You in?  (By the way, I am looking for my Go Go boots so I can not just listen to your music but dance with wild abandon!).  Talk to you tomorrow, my friend.


1 comment:

  1. Go go boots are in your mind. Don't wait...go wild NOW.
    Or at least first thing in the morning.

    Yes I am in with intentions.
    A list for 2011...yes...and even if my heart is aching I am all about inviting the world to manifest my desires in a way that is helpful to all and beautifully authentic.
    I AM IN!