Thursday, December 2, 2010

Three Girls, Nigel Tufnel, and an Introvert

Okay.  So I know you’ve been wanting me to tell all about my reconnection with Robert.  And I want to.  I really do.  But something a little more pressing seems to be on my writing radar.  And yes, it has to do with Robert, but it’s a little more than that. 

I had an absolutely wonderful weekend with him.  He was brave enough to ensconce himself in the midst of me and two of my sisters, and we three are definitely a force to be reckoned with when it comes to being boisterous, talkative, exciting, active, and  competent simultaskers – in fact, Buns + Mig + Mini = a lot of female energy.  And there he sat, quiet, calm, and seemingly quite content to be surrounded by us. And of course we had our time together – just the two of us – and I am blessed to have this man in my life.  But let’s get back to the three, volume-eleven females and Robert.  Of course, I was conscious that this was his first time meeting them, and of course I wanted him to be comfortable, so I would ask him, “Are you okay with this?” He’d say that he was and I would ask, “Are you sure?”  And he would reassure me that he was fine.  My only reason for asking him in the first place was that he was very quiet (not that he would have had a chance to get a word in edgewise, but nonetheless …).

Then I flew back home.  Back to the maelstrom of what is my busy life at the moment with Christmas party planning, extra-curricular courses, community events, work, and the like. 

One of the first things to hit my in-basket was pre-course reading.  And the articles I was directed to read were “Caring for your Introvert” and “Extraverts vs. Introverts”.  I was immediately struck by the synchronicity of this information landing on my desk.  I had barely begun reading the first one when I realized that I had committed a faux pas or two over the weekend.  When the article suggested that the second worst thing you can ask an introvert is “Are you okay?”, and the worst thing you can say is “Are you sure?”, I cringed.  I thought that I had totally blown it with him.  You have to realize that I am probably a pretty good candidate for the extravert poster girl.  My life up until a few years ago could have been described as a series of linked beer commercials.  So from my perspective, if you are quiet, something is wrong.  And being who I am, I want to fix it.  Make it right. OMg. This poor man.

So, because Robert means a lot to me, and also because I don’t want our relationship to evolve on a foundation of assumptions, I called him and asked him about it.  I am so glad I did.  I sent him the articles and he felt they had hit the proverbial nail on the head.  He is happy that I am curious about his modus operandi.  You see, because he is quiet, it’s harder for me to understand him.  I, at my Nigel-Tufnel best, leave nothing to the imagination.  It’s a lot easier for him to learn about me because I tell him. 

We will have our challenges, he and I, but at this point of writing, we are not shying away from them. I am excited by how we can learn to be with each other in ways where we can both be authentic, true to ourSelves, and enjoy each other’s company. 

And Marty … as for your “A kiss is still a kiss”, all I can say is “What she said!”

1 comment:

  1. You are so right about "edgewise", my dear Whirling Dervish. You've also given me fabulous memories I'll never forget.