Sunday, December 5, 2010

In and Out and Around

I like this topic of introverts and extroverts and am looking forward to reading the articles you mention Buns. The part of the conversation that excites me most is in the definition of introvert and extrovert that you and I discussed yesterday. An introvert will process information inside themselves while an extrovert wants to process it externally with another person. By that definition I am certainly an extrovert by nature. I understand myself better when I articulate what is happening inside me and engage in dialogue around it. It also helps me to know someone else if they are TELLING me what is happening inside themselves. I like to see and know that their inside is matching their outside, and then I relax.

So here is the rub. Is my checking in with how they are doing really about them or is it saying more about me and my own anxiety at not knowing or understanding?

And, if I am checking with them, reading them to make sure they are ok, is that not a subtle communication that they can’t take care of themselves or articulate what they want, need or are experiencing for themselves? Am I not sending out an unconscious message that somehow I am responsible for taking care of them?

So staying centered in myself and revealing myself might sound like, “I am noticing I am uncomfortable right now because I don’t understand what is happening inside of you. I would so appreciate you sharing with me, it would help me relax. In this communication I am saying that it is a request that would benefit ME.
The other way, asking them how they are doing without revealing what is driving the question inside myself is a subtle way of fishing for information to make myself feel better but without owning my own anxiety around the whole situation.

Wow. In order not to do any of that I would have to rest on a foundation of trust that they will tell me when they are ready, whatever it is they want me to know. And that I am ok even if they are not or even if I don’t understand what is happening for them.

Is this true? I ask all you introverts to comment on how this would feel? Would it feel more like an invitation and less like pressure to be different, if you knew it was a request being made of you that would actually benefit the other person? Does this train of thought even land?

Back to self….can I sit in my uncomfortably or share my inner world but owning the need to reveal it? Can I do this instead of making it about the other person and what they are or are not doing?
I am just realizing the opportunities inherent in a pairing of an introvert with an extrovert! DIFFERENT DOES NOT EQUAL SEPARATE!
The task is around allowing for differences yet staying connected at the same time!

And then there is the pairing of an extrovert with an extrovert…yikes…
As you mentioned in your post buns it can be a whirlwind.
Buns and I had a pajama party yesterday and the conversations would tangent, shoot out in many directions simultaneously and then veer around back to home base with a speed and intensity that would call for a Sterling Moss to manage. Fast and furious we drove the Indy, foot on the pedal with not a care of collision. When we did collide we knew we would stay the course so that generated a safety that propelled us from easy simple questions like the meaning of love, sexuality and intimacy to descent work. Buns held space for me so I could journey to my childhood and be with the part of me that was so alone back then, so depended on fantasy to survive.
Then on we went on to big heavy stuff like bikini waxing, French versus Brazilian, and how we feel when men cry…all topics that called for relentless revealing. Many might have cringed at the level of graphic honesty… not these two extroverts. Each opening became another invite to fearless SELF examination.
Buns and I do very similar work with the clearing up of energy patterns and wounds from the past but use an entirely different language set around it. So in Buns words we did Ascension work around my fears of Chicago’s impending arrival this Wednesday.
She even let me smoke a cigar with a glass of wine (a mini Macanudo and a brilliant Pinot Grigio) for those who care or are living vicariously while I was being with my fear based thoughts and feelings. I call those contractions. And it is like labor since in the end I give birth to a clearer view of myself.
This Ascension work is really an extroverts dream, everything is out in the open. I like it.

Buns and The Robert also worked in tandem fixing some techie things on my computer. She gave him access by a flick of a key and he joined us on computer.
Thank you Robert for your skill, your time and kind generous heart. I can hear it beating even if we haven’t met yet. I am grateful.

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