Monday, November 22, 2010

Journey to Joy

Good morning Marty.  It was great talking with you last night to help me debrief my day.  And what a day it was!  So much learning and evolving in just ten hours … from a baby blessing to a music rehearsal to a clinic staff meeting, many opportunities presented themselves for me to do some mining.  And I struck gold.  Probably the biggest nugget was around finding a different portal to joy … and a completely unexpected one for me.

I had been talking with Robert earlier in the day (because I can’t help it!) and I was wondering out loud with him why I haven’t been able to have a direct experience of joy unless I go through pain first.  At least that is my sense – it could be that the most poignant moment of joy that I ever experienced was when I sang to my son at his Celebration of Life.  It wasn’t because it was a happy occasion … quite the contrary.  But I have never felt so big – bigger than my body dictates, so connected – to him in a way that defies all understanding, and so loved – by him and by everyone who was there that day.  I will never forget that moment as long as I live.  So as I was questioning this with Robert, I was really saying to him that I know there is great joy already between the two of us, but I am only letting it in a little bit at a time … where is my unfetteredness? Why am I keeping the lid on this one? What am I afraid of? Oh no!  Wait!  Am I flinching?  (There’s that darn word again…)

Then I arrived at the baby blessing.  There I was, being asked to lead a song (As I went down in the river to pray … I love that song) to celebrate the arrival of a beautiful, baby boy.  I had tears in my eyes and a lump in my throat and doubted that I would be able to sing.  And then I realized that I had actually mocked this up!  I could have a direct experience of joy through joy!  I changed gears, looked at this little boy in new light – that of great excitement for him that he had arrived safely into the arms of two lovely, loving people, and I was so honoured to be asked to be a part of it.  When I got up and started to sing, I had that same feeling as I did that day, singing to my little boy … I have now been at the threshold of two lives, offering my gift of song.  I am basking in an indescribable warmth as I write this.

So I am changing gears.  I am ready to take off.  My flight leaves in a few hours.  I am continuing my journey with joy.

3 comments:

  1. Are you really flinching when you let in a little bit at a time? I think not. Do you sip and savour a fine wine, or gulp it down in one swell foop? There's joy in the journey itself. To be savoured. A little bit at a time.

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  2. But then there's going to be one hell of a big joyful gulp at the end! Yowsa!!

    *Loved* the pic.

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  3. One of my favourite songs. :-)

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