Dropping the f-bomb.

I just got back from a weekend in Kamloops where our band, Fowl Mouth McPhee performed to a full house, two nights in a row.

Of course there are the usual jokes about our name.  Contrary to what gets conjured up in curious minds, it is simply a combination of our last names… few f-bombs were used in the making of this moniker.

It was a fun-filled, fabulous, and feel-good couple of days.  We sang our hearts out and laughed until we cried – over the silliest things – but for us it was a furthering of what the three of us share through our music.

The best part of the whole weekend was who showed up to support us.  It started with a long-time friend of mine, Tarzan, (yes, I have written about him before), just sauntering into the lounge as if to say “of course I’m here, where else would I be?” I couldn’t stop hugging him I was so happy to see him. Then Tammy’s sister, husband and a bunch of friends arrived.  The family-and-friend theme for the weekend was quickly emerging.

I had contacted my cousin who lives in Kamloops to let her know I’d be there on the weekend.  I hadn’t seen her for about 30 years and so I was excited that she was going to make it.  She completely surprised me by bringing her two sisters (also who I hadn’t seen for a number of years).  I’m sure you could hear us laughing for a city block when we started to reminisce about times long past and the fun we’d had as kids.  I grew up in Ontario and they in B.C. so while our times spent together were few and far between, they are cherished and memorable.

More family and friends arrived on the scene and by the time all was said and done, there were probably over 40 people who went out of their way to come and cheer us on.  Everyone socialized and got to know each other better. Some even realized that they had met before or had mutual friends.  There were some amazing connections made and I knew it wasn’t just coincidence. 

I’m struggling to describe how it felt.  Warm, inclusive, non-judgmental, supportive, forgiving, generous, poignant, and sacred.  The love was palpable.  From the stage, it felt as though I were singing to a room of open hearts.  It was hard to tell who was getting more enjoyment out of the show – us or them!

And we get to do this all over again in a few short weeks as we take part in our 6^th annual celebration of my son Duncan’s life at the Backstage Lounge on Granville Island. Not only will I sing with Fowl Mouth McPhee, but I will join the stage for a few numbers with my son Sean. If previous years are any indication, it is sure to be another night celebrating love of family and friends through music. I can’t wait.

My favourite songs are in the key of F.

F is for family.  F is for friends.

Branded by the f-bomb,

Buns xoxox

“Music gives a soul to the universe, wings to the mind, flight to the imagination, and life to everything.” 

Plato

The Discipline Of Pleasure

Really? Discipline? Doesn’t just the use of that word bring up connotations of will power and self control, none of which is even remotely pleasurable. Well I have been unraveling with this idea for a few days now and I’d love to share what I mean.

Receptors are message receivers on the surface of our cells and while most of our pleasure receptors are located in the brain they are also found throughout the body. I have even heard the molecules that bind to these receptors nicknamed the Bliss Molecule. This got me thinking. What if the art of opening to pleasure became a discipline, a way of life? I am not talking about abandoning oneself to hedonistic impulse or lack of discernment or compulsively filling ourselves up due to a sense of lack. I mean the conscious invitation to open to whatever arises in the present moment without judgment. My premise is that it is in the opening itself, in the acceptance of what is, that pleasure is the result.

When you think about something pleasurable, waking up to the sound of surf in the tropics, or the smell of crisp freshly laundered sheets, perhaps the feel of sun on your skin, bites of juicy fragrant mango, music so sweet that it makes your heart ache, the touch of a lovers lips or the first melting mouthful of the dark velvety bliss of chocolate…these are all chances for our senses to open wide in gratitude for the pleasure of the moment. Even simply imagining all of life’s bounty shifts ones mood and invites an experience of pleasure. So if pleasure is a choice based on perception perhaps one could get disciplined about it and include the pleasure of feeling everything, experiencing everything.

On the path of cultivating the bliss molecule I book a massage at Chi The Spa at Shangri-La.

http://www.shangri-la.com/vancouver/shangrila/health-leisure/chi-the-spa/

Divinely decadent, expensive but totally worth the experience, especially since I was rewiring my cellular structure to create more receptors for pleasure :)  Now this won’t work if you are worried about the cost or racing to find time for the experience or judging whether you deserve it or whether it’s good or bad.  The discipline of pleasure calls for deep breaths and presence…no regrets: a full on, six sense journey into the present moment.

The names of the treatment rooms are all in Sanskrit and I was in Baskul which appropriately means ‘Starting point of journey to Shangri-La. I basked in the Feng Shui attention to detail. Each suite is different, from Jampa, Loving Kindness and Compassion to Namshe which means Consciousness, they all have a fireplace, soothing color tones, sitting areas for tea ceremonies, your own dressing room, steam shower and soaker tub.

Plush doesn’t even begin to describe the texture of the baby soft robes and blankets. You are immediately relaxed and cuddled in the embrace of a fluffy white cocoon. Fresh lemon water awaits and you can ask for your room 15 minutes before the massage in order to enjoy a steam or soak in the tub. My registered therapist Mai was lovely and her healing energy was skilled, sublime and appreciated.

 Afterwards I floated into the lounge and was met with a cup of fresh ginger tea, dates, apricots and cranberries.  My Chi was flowing and I moved with languid ease, step one on my path of being disciplined with pleasure was complete.

You may say, well it’s easy to feel pleasure when the circumstances are so pleasurable. Yes it’s true; however my goal here is to include all events, all encounters and to step out of the duality that appears to exist in this world of opposites. I share the spa experience because that is how I want to approach everything.

 I know that the inclusion of polarities and dropping the perception of good and bad, cracks the illusion of separateness. In that moment we can experience our Oneness. The aspect that is One has no distinction between this and that. It simply is. And it seems to me that pleasure can be as spiritual a pathway as any. Plus it seems like a heck of a lot of fun.

Trying to eliminate the negative to have more positive does NOT work. The very focus of trying to get rid of something, whether inside self or another, actually increases and intensifies its hold. 

And so ….The Discipline of Pleasure.  Let’s increase our dopamine receptors through a wide variety of pleasurable stimuli. Lets approach every feeling, every perceived opposite with the same welcome whether its anger, joy, chocolate, people, the irksome and the adorable, social interactions, work or spiritual practice.

It’s our attitude and living in the presence of enjoyment without judgment that will increase pleasure receptors. That’s when life goes beyond bearable into the realm of exciting, passionate and purposeful.  In giving up this futile attempt at fixing or eliminating, even in the name of healing, then all of life can be play.

So there is my new inner direction!!! And I am going to keep inviting synchronicity, playmates and experiences that align with inclusion, resulting in oneness . 

 I leave my flashlight behind as I step into knowing that not all dark places need light, that in fact they are one and the same. It is in accepting, loving and therefore integrating all aspects of these supposed opposites that separation disappears.

And in that knowing I can come to peace with desire…with all parts of myself.

Branded by the delight that what is….is.

Authentically Yours

Marty

 

 

The chicane and the lotus.

I am writing from the warmth and comfort of my sister’s home in Oakville where we have just celebrated Easter together.  It’s our first gathering since Dad’s passing and I was anxious to see how Mom was faring.  This would have been her 60^th Easter with him were he still here.  I wasn’t sure what to expect but was absolutely thrilled to see her looking very well and full of beans when I arrived. She met me at the door with white furry bunny ears on.  I think she is going to be just fine.

All my siblings were here (there are five of us), and most of our kids, some with their partners, joined in the festivities.  We were never at a loss for words, food, laughs, games, and music. Oh yes, and the little silver sports car.

All of my nieces and nephews are very talented.  The two oldest boys have a zest for life that is inspiring.  They are excellent musicians, run a very successful corporate video production company, and co-own a lovely little Lotus Elise.  When they asked me if I’d like to go the racetrack and do a few laps with them, I didn’t hesitate.  We took my sister’s Mini as well as GoPro cameras so we could record the shenanigans.

It was a blast.  I confess to being a bit nervous when we went from the proverbial “0- to-well-let’s-say-60” in a nanosecond and then hit the first corner (which was the most difficult one on the course).  I was able to remain calm for four 3-km laps, and then I figured I’d tempted fate long enough.  I was done.  After our cool-down we went back to the sidelines. It wasn’t long before I was hankering to get back on the track, so out we went in the Mini.  Not tricked out for racing, it still gave us a good run for our money. (I would tell you how fast we were going but my sister reads my posts.)

We relived our experience later that evening on the big screen and had fun watching everyone else’s reactions to our adrenalin-junkie pursuits earlier that day.

My favourite part was the chicane.  Normally if I were driving around town and came upon two opposing curves, I would slow down and maneuver through the turns accurately.  Not necessarily so on the track.  You can follow the straightest trajectory through the turns at top speed and it is possible to come out the other side unscathed. That’s what we did of course. I didn’t realize how tense I was throughout the whole experience until today when I woke up so stiff I could hardly move.  That’s how tight I was holding my neck and back in anticipation of crashing or losing traction. It was fabulous.

When my heart rate returned to normal and I had some time to think about my afternoon with the guys, I wondered if this was reflective of my whole life… Do I just barrel on through or do I meet each twist with careful thought and weigh the pros and cons?

Actually, I believe it’s neither.  I enjoy life to the max.  I expect my days to be full of excitement and adventure and they usually are.  They can be high speed and full on, or they can be simply an adventure of spirit where I close my eyes and just sit still.

Racing through the chicane served both… I had the thrill of the ride and it also reminded me how important it is to slow down and meet what life has in store.

Never bored, I remain authentically yours,

Buns

Message in a Bottle

 

 What a week! It felt like being hit with a tsunami of feeling so intense that fighting it was not an option. I had to learn to surf.

In the words of Carl Jung, “If there is a fear of falling, the only safety consists in deliberately jumping.” And jump into the watery depths of my emotions I did. While I always advocate going with whatever one is feeling, breathing into what arises and letting go, this time was different. Once I had dropped into myself fully I let my feelings be the priority and made space to completely express. I rode the feelings whenever they came up and dissolved with what I can only imagine the pleasure of surfing might feel like. One glorious wave after another, I rode epic fluctuations sometimes with fear, sometimes in agony, but always open and trusting. I accepted myself completely in the process and so the invitation to feel deepened even more.

The trigger was Buns relationship spring cleaning which included dissolving a business partnership that I thought we were both committed to. For Buns it felt like freedom once she moved past the discomfort of telling me. For me it felt like a loss of a dream. And yet I didn’t spend much time with the trigger. I chose to stay inside myself, riding the present moment and its emotional undulations. I gave up management. I let go.

 A girlfriend appeared at my door who I hadn’t seen in years and in the midst of catching up she said she has been sad since October. I said I am sad right now. It seemed the most nature thing in the world to hold each other in this place of acceptance and just cry.

Why are we so afraid of deep intense feelings? Why do we need to create stories about the feelings as if to justify or explain them? The bliss of this experience for me was the completely non judgmental contact of heart to heart depth with another human being.

My sleep after that gentle exchange was deep. My body’s communication was complete. I woke to find the waves had crested and subsided. I had cried myself out. Or perhaps IN.  It felt like I had cried myself into The Gap. I inhaled the stillness…the relief…the space. Joy started to bubble to the surface and I took a rich cleansing breath stretching into what felt like infinity. It was like waking up to sunshine and crisp air after a turbulent storm. And the space, oh the wonderful space both inside and out. A sense of possibility wrapped itself around me like the arms of a mother. My body felt new, my connection with the world powerful and my capacity for creativity increased. The melodramatic woe was gone as if a distant memory. If infants can cry themselves to sleep, I cried myself awake.

I believe bringing my messy unpredictable feelings to The Gap, especially in my daily meditations is what granted me a sabbatical from sadness and doubt and invited synchronicity to my door. I don’t have to aim my arrow at peace. In the stillness I am peace and I feel the beauty of this moment fully. And since that is where the juice of creation is, the universe decides to talk to me directly.

I check my phone messages. “Hi,” says a male voice. “My name is Guillaume and I was out in my boat today at Lasqueti Island and guess what I found… your message in a bottle.”

WHAT!!!!

As we moved into 2013 Buns and I did a New Years Eve ritual writing out individual visions for romance and sealing them into bottles. In the dark we threw our declaration out to the sea, surrendering desire to fate. Just a tad risky, right? I had included my phone number.

 We had a few hysterical moments laughing, picturing the bottles never making it out to sea but rather sweeping right back to shore and being found by a beachcombing local who would know us. We saw the headlines in the local community paper and howled about the potential embarrassment.

And now the universe sends me Guillaume. He says it is my destiny to come and visit his isolated magical island. I had never even heard of it. I find out it’s off the coast of Vancouver Island, not far from Texada. The idea starts to move through me and I feel the rippling of a new adventure.

 I am in no rush. I think the weather needs to warm up and I need to get good hiking boots. I Google Lasqueti Island and see that much of the population are artists and healers, grow their own food and live in cob houses. It will be like going around full circle since I had attempted this way of life in Prince Edward Island in my 20’s. No electricity, no mirrors and a herd of goats were going to be my panacea for the urban jungle of Toronto that had ceased to resonate for me. Perhaps it’s time to reclaim some more of my wildness in the wilderness.

Thanks universe. I am listening and learning once again that figuring it all out is NOT where my safety lies.

 Co-creation, my greatest desire is alive and well and always accessible in The Gap. Allowing, acceptance and trust that the universe always had my back, seems to be the highway to get there.

Branded by spaciousness,

Authentically yours,

Marty

And the day came ...

“... when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.”  Anaïs Nin

Last weekend I attended a personal growth course with David Wood.  Well known for his work with T. Harv Eker and the Millionaire Mind seminars, he is now a formidable trainer for Isagenix and his events are not to be missed.

This is the second time I’ve done one of these with David, and I wondered if I would learn anything new the second time around.  I will never question that again.  While a lot of the subject matter was a repeat, I was able to delve deeper into the content, and apply it to not just my business, but to my life.  In spades.

One of the main thrusts of the weekend was to get out of my comfort zone.  Funny, I had just written a post about that a couple of weeks ago (Scared Shiftless).  I must have been getting ready for this next step!

Of course Marty was there with me (another one of our adventures!) and we were able to have honest conversation about our friendship.  We did an exercise where we determined our personality type and what motivated each of us depending on our “colour”.   It was so freeing to be able to have a platform from which we could neutrally talk to each other about those little niggling things that we do through our own motivations (e.g. to feel good or avoid discomfort or rejection) and to find out how the other person experiences them.  In fact, it was clear that not understanding each other’s reasons for doing things got in the way of our growing friendship.  And that if they are named, it actually expands the relationship.

I came away from that weekend with a deeper connection with Marty and an understanding of some of the things I do that drive her nuts (and other people too no doubt)! It has helped me become more conscious in my everyday words and decisions, and I anchored my understanding of “how I do anything, is how I do everything”.

But it didn’t stop there.  Every day since then, I have been reexamining my modus operandi in relationships (both past and present) and found some golden nuggets. And here’s the scary part for me. I know that my relationships need freshening up and I can’t get away with a superficial glossing over of stuff just to keep them intact.  I need to get out of my comfort zone and come clean – whether it’s telling someone that the dynamic needs to change or telling someone that I love them and am grateful that they are in my life, or both!    

So I have personally declared March as “Relationship Spring Cleaning Month”.  Wherever I feel there is unfinished business or something that needs airing, I am getting out my cleaning supplies and starting to scrub.  I’m not leaving myself out of the equation.  I think a good deep cleansing for me would just add to the exhilaration I feel when I think of the relief of not having to sustain something that isn’t authentic.

What I have come to value the most in my relationships is a willingness to evolve, through thick and thin, through discomfort, and not just feeling good all the time at the expense of capital “T” truth.  I am now willing to lose relationships if I can’t be authentic within them.

Branded by a rose in my teeth (and a lampshade crown),

Authentically yours,

Buns xo

P.S.  If you want to find out more about David Wood here are the details... 

http://www.facebook.com/TheKickassLife

http://www.thekickasslife.com

For your listening pleasure, here is another of my favourite songs...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QLoKSS1P2No

The Perfection of Imperfection

I was super excited when Andrew said that we could share our blog Authentically Yours here on the Conscious Living site. Buns and I have been writing it anonymously for over a year and it has been a labor of love. Birthed out of gratitude and a desire to live full out, we committed to sharing our adventures transparently both in touch with spiritual principles and our fabulously flawed human nature.

This journey of self exploration has challenged and stretched me. Do I reveal everything that is bubbling in the dark corners of my mind, including problems and struggles or do I only present as positive? Can I show you my fears and insecurities? Which is riskier, more of a stretch?  

How come it seems the more spiritual people claim to be, the less revealing they are of their own challenges?

Do you really believe that being awake is an absence of issues?

To me, being awake means my relationship to what is an issue or flaw becomes softer, infused with acceptance and even humor. If I can show it, I am in effect saying I am not it.

My goal is to lighten up and accept all aspects of my human experience. No more hiding or holding back. I commit to real. Can you imagine if we all just stopped trying to look good? If we stopped listening to the voice in our heads that says, “don’t show that, it’s weak or unevolved or way too messy’. What if demonstrating self acceptance by revealing is the essential first step in healing?

I see the sharing of flaws as declaration that we are all the same, that there is nothing to hide. And when the mask that separates us is dropped and authenticity becomes your go to…that is when energy floods in and life gets really juicy.

I am committing to loving my imperfections. I can be a brat, feel sorry for myself, judge, compare, be a baby AND in the moment of my own acceptance I can shift and be free of defining myself as that experience. I have my thoughts, I am NOT my thoughts. I have my feelings, I am not my feelings.  

I don’t want to hang out with people who pretend to be evolved. I want my tribe to be diverse, full of contradictions, messy feelings, vulnerabilities and loyal to being real! Managing, controlling the spectrum of the human dilemma is not spiritually evolved. It is boring. I like being around people whose inside matches their outside. People who take risks.

Having gone through years of trying to become some better version of myself through workshops and spiritual practice I have discovered the simplicity of wholeness comes when I accept my entire human experience and yours too. Then I am acting as my spirit self would.  

I won’t leave my flaws behind. I can’t. I like chocolate too much, and a perfect martini with double extra large olives and being impulsive, like last night’s encounter where we fell in love with strangers over dinner at Nook http://nookrestaurant.ca/nookrestaurant.ca/Home.html

 and are now planning to rent a European villa with them somewhere in Italy or France.

So Buns and I invite you to catch up on our adventures on the Blog and share your comments and stories.

We are all one and we will feel that most fully when we drop our defenses and simply get real. Human real! That’s what spirit would do if it had a body. Oh wait. It does!

Branded by imperfection,

Authentically Yours

Marty

 

 

Scared shiftless.

Just got off the phone with Marty.  I am at once excited and petrified.  She tells me we are about to have a much wider audience for our blog.  When she told me the numbers, a sudden torrent of self doubt, fear of visibility, and lack of confidence overwhelmed me.  I was at a loss for words and was worried that that would be a permanent condition.  Immediately I could hear those niggling little thoughts …

“What could you possibly say that would interest people? Am I exciting enough? Will people want to read about me and my life? Why?” My impulse to never write again was so strong I was quite taken aback. What’s so different from when we first began other than a few zeroes at the end of our readership numbers? 

So here I am, doing something that I absolutely love to do and now that it is gaining some momentum and notoriety, I am balking.  What’s up with that?

It’s funny it’s coming up now.  (Or is it?) Lately I’ve been asking myself a lot of hard questions about what I want to be when I grow up, (or ripen, rather). When I look back at all my choices for livelihood, there are only maybe one or two of them that didn’t have me being the support person (and quite formidable I might add), for someone else’s dream.  Whether it was a big corporation or a small entrepreneurial endeavour, I was only too happy to hop in the passenger seat and help with the navigating.

What it boils down to is this.  I’m not that comfortable being out of my comfort zone. I know. I know.  Doesn’t look that way to a lot of my friends.  I am comfortable singing on stage – actually more than just comfortable – I love it! I don’t have a problem with roller coasters or zip lines.  I’ll try anything once (especially if it has to do with food!).  I’m adventurous (just ask Marty).  I’m not the shy and retiring type. I embrace “living out loud”! But I’m beginning to see that I do it conditionally.  Yes.  That’s it.  I will live out loud as long as it’s comfortable.  If it starts feeling scary, I don’t go any further.  Mmmm.  That’s going to take me places isn’t it?

I still have a long way to go.  And what’s being dropped in my lap is fantastic.  Not just with the blog but with my new business as well.  All it takes to do incredibly well is to be authentic. To be me.  From the inside out.  Through and through.  Not just what I want others to perceive.

So I’m shifting gears.  I’m not going to settle for constant comfort any more.  Just like 60 is the new 40, discomfort is the new impulse to evolve.

Gotta go now.  Time for another adventure with Marty.  Oh wait.  This is one!

Branded by owies.

Authentically yours,

Buns

P.S. What’s the scariest thing you’ve ever done that ended up taking you to richer pastures?  We’d love to hear your stories!